I’m a junior in high school and am attending a boarding academy for the first time. I’ve been homeschooled previously. I like the idea of going to academy and I’ve made friends and play on the basketball team, but I just can’t get over being homesick and unhappy.
I’m not sure if I should stick it out and stay for the rest of the semester or if I should just go ahead and leave now. Everytime I come home for break and have to go back to academy, I get really nervous and upset and I just mentally cannot go back. I stress myself out to the point of making myself sick.
I want to go back and play basketball and make it through the school year like everyone expects me to, but I just don’t know if I can handle it. Every night all I want to do is go to bed and every morning I wake up sad and don’t want to get out of bed. I can’t walk into the dorm without getting a feeling of dread in my stomach.
So basically I’m trying to decide if I’m just being a wimp and need to suck it up and deal with it or if I’m actually struggling with depression and if this is the right place for me.
Any advice you can give me would be wonderful. Thanks
I think you should try sticking it out for the first semester. How often are you going home? Maybe its too much and you should stick on campus more to get acclimated.
Have you talked to a counselor at school? They can help you with coping techniques and also give you guidance on whether your sadness is just temporary and situational or if it might be a deeper depression.
@doschicos I’ve been home almost every weekend. I know I need to stay there to acclimate but I’ve been coming home because there have been things like a wedding, funeral, and other events that I had to go to. The weekends here are boring but I’m going to try and stick a couple of them out to see what they are like
@SculptorDad I have made several friends and enjoy being around them. But I find that I have no down time. No time to be by myself and just recharge. I’m just never able to be myself and relax, I feel like I’m always on guard and uncomfortable because I’m not used to 24/7 friend time. I also gave up a job at home to go to this school and it’s killing me not to have a job anymore. I loved working and being able to financially support myself, and now I feel lost without that.
Have you considered dropping or lowering level of a course? Combined with hopefully less weekend family events from now on, you might be able to get a lot more downtime. You don’t have to join weekend school event. You can just stay in dorm and recharge.
To me, the weekends are where all the bonding happens in the dorms and where friendships solidify. The school week is too busy with too little downtime to just hang out and chill much with friends. I think you are missing out on a lot of that crucial part of boarding school by being gone most weekends, although I realize you’ve had family commitment. Frankly, I’m surprised as a new boarder that you’ve been allowed to be gone so much. That would not fly at my kids’ school.
If you are needing some alone time, go for a long walk or run. (fresh air and exercise is cathartic anyway) or go to town for a coffee and bagel or to go see a movie. Borrow someone’s bike for a bike ride. Make some opportunities to get some time alone if that’s what you need.
I’m not unsympathetic to your situation and unhappiness but if I’m being honest I don’t think you’ve given it a fair shake yet with the right attitude. Try to focus on the positives and ways out of your mindset instead of caving to them. More counseling would be helpful to talk things through and to find solutions and ways to adjust to the challenge.
I know my daughter feels the pressure of being “on” all the time. However, she has adapted to it. Maybe you’re just not getting the natural down times that you would be able to find on weekends. I think you should stay at school on weekends, find ways to be alone here and there, and talk to both your advisor and a counselor. The latter should be able to make some judgment as to whether you are seriously depressed (unlikely) or just having a hard time adjusting. The latter may be very difficult for a while, but will probably resolve with time and help. FWIW, I was in a similar situation more than once when I was younger, and I always made the decision to leave. Looking back, I was wrong.
I guess there is this pressure to get along with others. But some people need more of down time. My daughter often takes it and says is unafraid of eating alone or staying in dorm instead of signing up for weekend activities.
I am so sorry to hear that you are so miserable at school. Doschicos is right that the weekends are when everyone bonds, so you should try to stay on campus. You may find that it’s not as boring as you think. Also, get a counselor/therapist immediately! They can help you budget your time so you can have more downtime. When I started boarding school I was pretty unhappy the first month or so. I wasn’t homesick, but I felt like everyone had formed cliques and I wasn’t in one. However, by the end of the semester, and with help from my house counselor and a therapist, I was much happier by the end of the semester. It’s SO early in the year. Please give the school a chance for at least a semester, if not a year. Good luck!