<p>I will be going to college next year (upcoming senior) and I am a Twin. I aim to get into a top UC school, while my brother is set on joining the marines. </p>
<p>I've always been pretty independent, able to study on my own for a long time, etc. But I ALWAYS do stuff outside of school with my twin. Literally everything. Rare are the times when he goes to a friend's house that I don't go with.</p>
<p>So I'm wondering how any other twins out there have felt leaving their brothers for college.</p>
<p>Hi-- I just wanted to acknowledge the original OP. Very good question. I have twins in my extended family who went off to schools apart, but they also ran in different social circles in hs. I think you are wise to be aware of how hard, and just plain weird (after being with someone almost daily since… in utero) this will be for you. Acknowledging that can maybe help you plan ways to keep in touch very frequently. It is bittersweet, that you now both will be starting incredible, but very different life-changing experiences . Wishing you the best and hoping to hear from other twins out there… where are ya?</p>
<p>I’m a junior in college and a twin. My sister and I went to schools that were 11 hours apart, but we’ve found out that it’s only helped our relationship. We IM each other every day (my sister and I use Skype and Yahoo), so it’s become less of an issue.</p>
<p>Just remember that this is the start of you two living separate (but still connected) lives, and it’s going to be a bit weird and somewhat sad.</p>
<p>My twins felt the same way, sometimes they wished they went to the same college, they could understand and answer questions without the full thought…but sooner or later, you fly apart and they used skype and email and texting to bridge the gap. </p>
<p>I also think it helped them appreciate a bond they took for granted to some degree. When they would see each other, it was special and they grew in different ways. </p>
<p>Take advantage of the different ways to communicate and know any sad feelings is just a testament to a close relationship and you should be proud of that.</p>
<p>i’m a twin and me and my brother are going to different schools. he’s gonna be in NYC and i’m gonna be in the Chicago area. it’s something i have to face too (i’m an incoming freshman) so i’m in the same boat essentially. i just have to have faith that i’ll be fine.</p>
<p>My twin girls (now graduated) went to schools far apart. It was quite an adjustment, especially during the first semester. They had to transition from knowing everything that happened to each other every day and being always available to only knowing what could be conveyed in phone conversations. I still remember how hurt one daughter was when her sister couldn’t talk to her on the phone RIGHT NOW because she was with friends. It was important to them that they visited each other’s campus once a year and met each other’s friends. We managed this because their schools had slightly different break schedules. They’ve also tried to take a trip together or have some kind of adventure each year, though that’s harder now that they’re working. They are still very close, though living far apart, and are very much each other’s best friend.</p>
<p>It’s not an easy transition and it does mean that the way you relate to your twin will change. But my girls are both very happy that they went to separate schools, for many reasons.</p>
<p>I remember that too Suzybelle…“I texted her 10 minutes ago…she didn’t answer!”
They have similar breaks this year but last year one visited the other on a fall break and she showed her off like she was a celebrity…“Did you meet my sister??” </p>
<p>It works out. I heard of a set of twins who went to the same college and grad school (different studies though) I don’t know if that is good or bad, but that bond is there no matter what.</p>
<p>See if there is any way you can encourage your twin brother to go to college before joining the Marines, maybe on an ROTC scholarship. He will more likely have a rewarding military career if he does so.</p>
<p>As for attending college without your twin, I very nearly did that myself. Everybody kept telling my sister and me that we had to go to separate colleges. Except we both wanted to go to the same one, and couldn’t decide which of us got to go when we were both accepted. So we went together, and I am very glad we did. We made twice as many friends, and were invited to twice as many parties. We got to study for mid-terms together, and got better grades as a result. It was easier on our parents too, they dropped both of us off, and picked both of us up in one trip. Eventually we did split up to go to different grad schools at opposite ends of the state. But as soon as that was over, we moved within a few miles of each other. She’s my best friend. I can’t imagine life without her.</p>
<p>Well I’m not sure that I will even be able to contact him very often. He’s set on enlisting within the year. That’s 4 years of active duty while I’ll spend that entire 4 years in college.</p>
<p>I’m a twin–it was a big decision for me choose a different college after sharing a room with my sister for 17 years. We are fraternal twins, and she was the stronger personality, much more well-known in high school, etc. I felt like I had to get out from under her shadow–(at our 30th HS reunion, I was still known as “X’s Sister”-LOL). I had always been dependent on my twin for social connections, and I knew it was going to be a challenge to make my own friends. But I felt that, for my own good, I had to force myself to break this dependency. (Sounds like the OP is dealing with some of these social issues).
It is easy to keep in touch these days with email, Skype, etc. (We used to send letters in the mail because long-distance calls were expensive back then.) We were busy in college and rarely missed each other. We haven’t been together much since then–looking back, it seems that my college decision (she made her decision first, so it was up to me to join her, or choose a different school) was a turning point in our relationship.</p>
<p>Different choice of what to do for the next 4 years is going to be more important than just being apart (going to different schools). You will have such totally different experiences that it is going to take some real effort to make this less painful. First, does he feel the same way? If so, even with all the different experiences you guys are going to face you need to work out how you are going to share as much as possible–email? skype? real letters? and then, each year, do your darndest to get together for an “adventure”…go visit him asap (even if just for a long weekend) wherever he is posted…make sure he comes to see you at school and show him off to your friends (I liked the posting suggesting this above). Make your brother part of your life and insist that you get at least a little look into his. </p>
<p>My son’s roomate at college (they went to same HS and decided to room together) last year was a twin who had shared a bedroom with his brother all his life and a lot of a social life together. One twin at top university, other twin pursuing a career in law enforcement (some CC but more on the job type learning). Very different choices like the OP and his twin. Interestingly, my S had more contact with his roomate’s brother in HS and that turned out to be a nice link through the first year. I think roomate did not feel judged when he missed his brother or skyped home a lot. </p>
<p>I was impressed how the parents of these twins did not judge one choice as better than t he other and twin at school was as interested in his brother’s pursuits as his own. They spent the summer socializing together and I think all is well. I think that my son’s roomate found it comforting to have a roomate who knew his brother and they socialized a lot the first semester but eventually each found a larger set of friends. Next year they will not room together but I think they will still socialize quite a bit together. You should try to have your friends and roomate meet your brother sometime during your freshman year, know you have a twin, etc. It is an important part of who you are and it will help people to understand when you feel lonely or at a loss because he isn’t there, particularly in the beginning.</p>
<p>This thread is so WEIRD for me - my little brother and sister hate each other and bicker and fight just as much (if not more) as normal siblings and want to go to separate ends of the country for college. The problem with my parents is cost, not codependency.</p>
<p>This is a fascinating topic since my twin sons are going to different colleges, one to pursue college athletics, one pursuing academics.
They’ll be 200 miles apart.
They have a few individual friends but, most are shared. I’ll be curious to see how closely they stay in touch.</p>
<p>Niklas, as my screen name implies, I’m the mom of fraternal twin daughters who are rising sophomores at colleges about 275 miles apart. Last fall was particularly difficult for them as they adjusted not only to college but to being separated after 15 years spent at the same small school and with most of the same friends. Skype chats really helped them to stay connected, and as someone suggested above, I think they developed a greater appreciation for how special their relationship is. They have both been home this summer but will return to school within the next week- they are sad to be apart again but they know that they will survive!</p>
<p>Reframe the situation. No one ever knows, for sure, that because a family member was at breakfast that they will be here, on this Earth, at dinner time. Anyone of us can be in an accident or fall horribly ill at any time. </p>
<p>So, now that you are keenly aware that your time together is short, cherish this time. Soak it up. Make some favorite eats. Watch some favorite movies together. Take a favorite bike ride. Don’t borrow tomorrow’s worries just yet. </p>
<p>This time can be a real gift to your parents too if you use words of appreciation and gratitude for your blessings. Perhaps you and Twin can do a little less on-line/gaming stuff and undertake some extra tasks that will leave your parents beaming (wash the windows, vacuum out the car, paint the bathroom). Put on some tunes and the two of you can make a positive difference in the space of an afternoon. </p>
<p>Less lamenting, more cherishing, more doing. Those steps will get you to the point that you can say “see you soon” with a reasonably happy heart.</p>
<p>Have the twins on this board spent time apart? My twins are very close, but they’ve already spent time apart, at things like summer camp. (They attended the same summer camp, but only saw one another once or twice at brother-sister functions.) They’ve also gone their own ways for the summers in high school, with one going to an academic camp and the other working at a paying job. </p>
<p>In addition, our school district deliberately separated them in elementary school (after kindergarten), which I think was a very good thing. They didn’t take too many classes together in high school, and pursued different languages and interest areas. Then again, mine are boy/girl, which I think is different compared to the bond of same-sex and particularly identicals.</p>
<p>OP: It is good to think about this in advance and discuss it with brother. IMHO it will be easier if you have had some separations, maybe going to camp or staying with relatives. But it is a definitely a major life change to suddenly be without someone with whom you have so far shared almost every experience. It becomes further complicated if one twin has assumed the role of “care giver” and is naturally, but probably unnecessarily, worried about the other twin. Or if one depends on the other and doesn’t even realize how much, even for seemingly trivial everyday tasks like keeping up with schedules. Good Luck! Some separation can be a very positive experience. You may not even be able to imagine how positive until a ways down the road.</p>
<p>For some twins, though obviously not all, adjusting that relationship is going to be an extra issue to deal with first term freshman year and it makes a lot of sense to me to talk it through and for parents (and everyone else) to be sympathetic and extra supportive. This can be a stressful time even for twins who purposefully and cooperatively choose to separate post high school. If it wasn’t a joint decision one child may need a whole lot of parental support, which may be a surprise to the parents if the twins have essentially been a self-supporting unit up to that time.</p>
<p>i left my twin when i went to college and he and i talk very rarely, like once every couple of months nowadays. I think separation is a positive experience that makes twins become individuals rather than being the “package” that you likely have always been in the past.</p>
<p>OK So I Swear you have to be my twin brother! Because I’m going to NYC and he’s going to Chicago so we are separating. But this post was made 2 years ago and this is happening to me now. If you aren’t my brother lol…can you tell me how that experience is going for you now?</p>