<p>Im leaving my gf of 14 months behind when i leave for college this fall. no one wants to hear me cry about it, and when i do find someone, they dont have any decent advice for me (which is why im here now). weve agreed to break up but im terrified of being without her. I cry every night and dont feel like myself anymore. the worst thing is picturing her with other guys, which is unevitable. what can I do to make myself feel better, prepare for it, etc? how long before i get over her? thanks guys...make me feel better please :)</p>
<p>Well you should know that you’ll find somebody else that you’re just as happy with. It always feels like you’ll never find someone as good as the person you’re with now, but trust me, you will. I understand that it sucks a lot right now but you just have to keep your head up. Doing it this way is much less painful than continuing to date and finding out she’s moved on without you or vice versa.</p>
<p>You need to talk to your girlfriend and tell her all of the things you said in the post. That you are terrified of being without her, that you cry every night. You’ve been together for 14 months, so you should be comfortable enough to tell her those things. Email her if you don’t think you can tell her yourself in person.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, and we are leaving in the fall for colleges 6 hours away from one another. This terrified me because I do not want to lose him, and I asked him outright if we should break up. We have decided to give it a go and try and remain together, not just give up. Talking to him made me feel better about our unsteady future. Talk to your girlfriend so she can comfort you, even if she no longer wants to be with you.
To get over her, try and look on the bright side of things: You are single and in college. At first, try and avoid a long term relationship. Date around, have fun (and be safe), and avoid the heartbreak that comes from a serious relationship. There are so many new people to meet at college, and so many things to do. Don’t mope around in your dorm room, lamenting over your loss, go out and do activities to keep your mind busy, and off of her. You are young, and while you may have thought your girlfriend was the love of your life, there are so many other people out there, and you will be happy and love again. Good luck.</p>
<p>^^Good advice.</p>
<p>If you do end up breaking up, remember it’s not the end of the world. People have gotten over much worse (e.g. divorce after 10 years of marriage).</p>
<p>Here are the things you need to do:</p>
<p>1) Man up and stop crying. I know young heart break is tough, but it’s part of life.</p>
<p>2) Go meet someone new. You got a free ticket meet, hook up, or date anyone you want. Your life is just starting, don’t get anchored down by HS relationships. You owe it to yourself to be happy, don’t let your breakup keep you from being happy in college.</p>
<p>3) Just let her live her life. Try not to interfere or get jealous. Both of your lives are going to change rapidly, don’t rain on her parade by being a burden. </p>
<p>You are doing the smart and mature thing of breaking up now, so kudos. I know it feels like you will never get over her, but you will. In fact, you will look back in the not-so-distance future and kinda laugh about how distraught you are. Once you go to college and you see all your new options (girls, hot drunk girls) you are going to be VERY grateful that you are single.</p>
<p>You are now a young single dude about to leave for college - myself and married men around the world salute you. Live it up! </p>
<p>As far as your passed relationship, just stay polite (not stupid jealousy games) and keep the door open if you want. Let her know that if she ever wants to talk or get together on breaks that you’d love to see her that you’d look forward to it. </p>
<p>The best thing to do is just allow each other to live your own lives.</p>
<p>“In fact, you will look back in the not-so-distance future and kinda laugh about how distraught you are.”</p>
<p>so true</p>
<p>If it’s meant to be, then things will eventually come around and it will be. Until then, enjoy the uh, options you’ll have at your disposal for four years.</p>
<p>Curious if you all think this is a situation where both can revert to being “just” friends and staying in touch or if the better avenue is to cut all contact?</p>
<p>^ I don’t think it’s possible to stay “just” friends if one is as “in love” as freightrain appears to be. I think the chance to stay “just” friends is best if two people did not officially date (as in, be official ‘gf’ & ‘bf’) but may have had feelings for each other, or if they dated for a short time.</p>
<p>After you’ve been with someone for a considerable amount of time (6+ months maybe? Idk, random digit - take with a grain of salt), it’s nearly impossible to revert to “just” friends right away. It becomes possible after more time has passed (and I’m assuming that the scenario at hand is that two people had been dating right up until college, and then wish to be “just” friends once college starts).</p>
<p>Remember fellas, marriage (and even serious relationships) is like eating the same thing for breakfast every morning. Jelly on toast, jelly on toast. </p>
<p>Make sure you take the time to eat some french toast and pancakes while you still can. If possible, eat some french toast and pancakes at the same time - with an omlete watching. Maybe with some bacon videotaping it all.</p>
<p>bigeast’s advice is pretty good. </p>
<p>I would add: take this opportunity to improve yourself. After ackwoledging that this is over (which is what you first need to do), focus on you. Make a lot of friends this semester (being in a HS relationship often precludes this), get jacked, learn a new language, join a club sport, whatever. Don’t think about her with other guys. It’s going to happen, there’s no way to stop that. Don’t dwell on it.</p>
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Doesn’t work. Two people who loved each other don’t just magically “revert” to being platonic friends. There are always residual feelings, leftover jealousies, other messy complications. It’s best to cut contact in my experience.</p>
<p>bigeast, why knock long-term relationships? Is it because you’ve just been completely unlucky in love and don’t want anyone else to have happiness? I’ve been with my boy since my freshmen year of high school and I can tell you that it’s NOT like having jelly with toast every morning. If you truly love someone, it’s like getting a buffet for every meal because you’re happy. And personally, I’d rather have my favorite meal for breakfast every day than to wake up and realize that all the grocery stores are closed and I have no food (meaning that I gave up someone I really cared about to go after other people, only to find out that the right person for me is now gone).</p>
<p>OP- Why is it that you guys agreed to break up? Is it because of the distance or is it because you truly wanted to break up? Breaking up simply because you’re going to college is a terrible idea. My now-fiance and I broke up before I went to college, but quickly decided that wasn’t what either of us wanted so we got back together. One year of college later (and a two-month study abroad experience right after my first year) and we’re doing just fine. I know many couples in the same situation as I am in.</p>
<p>Now if you guys broke up because you genuinely wanted to break up, then there is nothing more you can do than just move on. It’ll be hard until college starts but then you’ll meet all sorts of new people and you will get over it much more quickly :).</p>
<h2>bigeast, why knock long-term relationships? Is it because you’ve just been completely unlucky in love and don’t want anyone else to have happiness? ~ Romangypsyeyes</h2>
<p>Way to jump to conclusions.</p>
<p>For your information (as if it was any of your business), my wife and I are very happily married with two beautiful children.</p>
<p>It was kind of a joke. Sheesh.</p>
<p>(Forgot tones can’t be heard on the interwebz).</p>
<p>I certainly don’t see humor in it.</p>
<p>Perhaps you can point it out?</p>
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<p>This.</p>
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<p>Not this. </p>
<p>You both need time to get it together and find new relationships. Calling her and crying won’t let either of you move on. Treat her like a good friend or else you two won’t stay good friends. Good friends aren’t terrified of being without each other.</p>
<p>I’m trying to type out the explanation but it’s not working so I’m just going to let it be. The joke was in the tone and I can’t translate that so whatever.</p>
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<p>Yes, that’s fantastic advice. The OP should act boorish and disgusting, taking advantage of intoxicated females in order to degrade them.</p>
<p>Please. OP, I don’t see why you have to break up. Have you considered talking to her about staying together long-distance? I know many people at my school who have done this for at least one year (still together, but I’m only a freshman, so one year is my limit…). You seem to like her greatly.</p>
<p>I can relate to what you are going through (except leaving college city instead of high school).</p>
<p>It may be possible to remain friends but it takes a certain maturity and self-awareness as to WHY you want remain friends with her and if that’s a valid reason.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if this is your first girlfriend, you may have to take a step back from yourself and do really do some thinking. Things can get painful, but you’ll push through them, and there are other girls out there ---- girls you will love just as much if not more. A lot of the time you just feel like you won’t find someone who will like you as much as the previous girlfriend — but you will, honestly. Also, if you do decide to breakup, tell her not to tell you about her love life/ ANY guys she is with - what’s the point, ya know?</p>
<p>Also not to sound rude but some high-school relationships always seem like the ‘end-all be-all’ to the the people in the couple but I don’t even consider high school kids to have fully-formed brains or social skills. Not to be harsh.</p>
<p>Also, Baelor – I understand where you’re coming from, but some girls at parties do want to make out/ whatever and will put the moves on the guy sometimes. And where did degrading come from? You sound like you have intimacy issues. Girls who have sex = degraded = whore, am I right? If you think that, you also need to conduct some self-assessment and do some thinking.</p>
<h2>Yes, that’s fantastic advice. The OP should act boorish and disgusting, taking advantage of intoxicated females in order to degrade them. ~ Baelor</h2>
<p>Oh give it a rest. The holier than tho routine can come to a close, thanks.</p>
<p>There isn’t a guy a live who doesn’t like hot drunk girls. I never said anything about degrading them, I just said that he will have alot of options as a single guy.</p>
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- How presumptuous is this? Have you ever paused to consider that these girls might actually want to hook-up, rather than simply behave as an object that’s acted upon. Do you operate under the framework that girls initiate sex about as often as guys do? </p>
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<li>Not everyone shares your ideologies. “Boorish” and “disgusting” are subjective. If intoxicated adults wish to have consensual sex, then that’s their prerogative.</li>
</ol>