<p>Olivia- that must have been a really hard decision!
Wow.
Good job!
Hahah I'm sure I could not have done it if I were you...</p>
<p>:D</p>
<p>icy9, i think you are one of the most knowledgeable people here and i learn a lot from you. there are days when i think i have a chance of getting into a top prep. then there are the days when i read about guys like you son working on major political campaigns. wow. anyway my dad grew up next to scarsdale and he has shown me that rich in new hampshire is middle class in towns like that. i can handle it but not going for choate but sure that type is in most of the best schools.</p>
<p>Olivia, I too was sorry to hear that you have left Choate, but am glad to see that you have made a difficult decision with the support of people who care about you. You are very mature to post your news and help others rather than to just disappear. Good for you.</p>
<p>I think Olivia is saying that Choate is not the root of the problem, but that maybe she was counting too much on Choate and the bs experience to help her overcome whatever (probably in the normal range of typical teenage) individual issues she is dealing with. Maybe what she found was that after all the excitement of applying and going away to school, being away made these issues clearer, and that being at home will be more helpful. Everyone should realize that changing schools will not change you. Your foibles will not disappear if you go to a new school or get new clothes or make a selective team or anything like that. For many students, being at bs will be a helpful or at least neutral ground to work on their development, but for others being at home is better.</p>
<p>Olivia, </p>
<pre><code>I heard you were leaving Choate from my son. He knows how fond I am of you, so he told me a little while ago in one of our weekly phone calls. Thought about PM'ing you, but decided to give you some time to work things through.
First, I'm really sorry things didn't work out for you, particularly since I know how excited you were about going. I also commend you for not trashing Choate and being mature enough to recognize that it just turned out to not be a good fit for you.
Also, and I think this goes back to a controversial thread started by lbftw, it is important to recognize that no BS is perfect or a utopia. I think it's very easy, particularly if you're 14-15 yrs. old to get so caught up in the application process, the brochures, the visits, etc. that you start thinking of BS as this perfect place filled with nothing but exceptional teachers, fantastic kids, freedom, fun, and adventure - all in a picture postcard setting. And also to think that once you've gotten into Andover, Exeter, Choate, Deerfield, SP, etc. it's on to Harvard or Yale and then wealth, success, fame and happiness. It doesn't work that way.
Life at boarding school will be different than living at home - but it's still life with all its ups and downs, good days and bad, nice people and jerks, successes and failures. And you are still you - with your strengths and weaknesses, plusses and minuses; and all the emotional baggage you have accumulated during your short but tumultuous lives.
Which brings me back to you Olivia. You were a great kid before you got into Choate, you were a great kid when Choate took you off the waiting list, and you remain a great kid now that you're leaving Choate. The maturity, the intelligence, the insight, and the compassion that you have showed over the last year are qualities that aren't going anywhere. You will have them the rest of your life. I hope you will also never lose your enthusiasm.
I have always believed that when one door closes another one opens; and that sometimes what seems like a terrible set back ends up turning into a terrific opportunity.
Olivia, I am sure great things are in store for you. And in three years I will be looking for your posts on the college threads.:)
</code></pre>
<p>Olivia, that was a really great, strong post! It is only natural for one to enter boarding school wearing rose-colored glasses, especially if one comes from a public school background. The competiveness, the social stuff, the culture, often lack of diversity (socio-economic, racial etc) - prep school can be such a strange, intense bubble! Olivia, thanks so much for your post, hopefully other kids might take a deeper look at their reasons for falling in love with their dream school. All the best to you, Olivia!</p>
<p>Hey Livy!
We miss you!</p>
<p>awww olivia, i'm glad you made the right decision. good luck at your new school, you show some much wisdom and maturity. :D</p>
<p>Olivia, clearly you are both wise and courageous. Everyone's life is filled with dead ends and wrong turns, but few people, recognizing that they have ended up on a wrong path, right their course with the grace that you have shown.</p>
<p>Adolescence is a particularly complicated and difficult time (I sure wouldn't want to do it again--and I'm sure all the parents here would agree).
I hope your bumpiest patch is now behind you and happiness and contentment will dominate the rest of your high school experience.</p>
<p>OLIVIA!
I'm really surprised that you left Choate! It seemed like the perfect place for you!</p>
<p>If you don't mind me asking, what specifically didn't you like about it? Are you going to public school now? </p>
<p>I'm glad you made the right decision and you'll be incredibly successful with or without Choate. Good luck!!!</p>
<p>I too think you will be extremely successful1 what did all your frinds at choate think about you leaving?</p>
<p>Padfoot-
Any advice you get here is extremely general and reflects only our subjective experiences as parents or students with these schools and their cultures. </p>
<p>Simply due to their size, Andover and Exeter probably require the most adjustment from new students. Of course, also because of their size they also both provide the widest range of people and activities. Exeter is, indeed, mistakenly classified as a math/science school (hats off to Icy) just as Andover is mistakenly classified as a humanities school -- with over 1100 students each they are both broadly intellectual institutions with students and faculty pursuing incredibly varied passions and interests. Exeter, I think, does particularly prize extreme self-reliance and independence in its students --- few would describe PEA as warm and fuzzy or nurturing. </p>
<p>The bottom line though is what you think. How did you feel when you visited each school? Remember too that the revisits will give you an even better opportunity to find your most comfortable "fit".</p>
<p>I haven't posted on this forum since April but I felt I had to come back and say goodbye to Olivia. Thanks for encouraging my sister to try boarding school! Your posts and private messages meant a lot to me and my family and we're sorry that prep school wasn't right for you. But you have a really big heart and I'm sure you will do well wherever you go, it's Choate's loss....</p>
<p>Jonathan - no, I'm going to my old private school. :) It's very nice ot be back! </p>
<p>Some of my friends @ Choate were sad that I was leaving but they knew it was what's best for me. I still communicate with them and everything. </p>
<p>And I'd like to reiterate that boarding school in general just wasn't right for me - I don't have anything specific against Choate. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't choose a different boarding school. Boarding school just wasn't right for me, and it's better for me to be at home, and this whole experience has been a good lesson for me, but as some of you said, what I did isn't right for everyone. Just be sure to evaluate ALL of your options before jumping into anything! :) </p>
<p>Thanks for all of your support! Good luck to everyone in the application process! But don't go crazy over the results (good or bad!)</p>
<p>Olivia--just curious: Did you suffer from homesickness at all? I didn't get the impression from your posts last fall that you did. My D was extremely homesick and begged to come home, but after 3 weeks she was fine.</p>
<p>Your case seems different from those who depart in the first month of school. Do you mind sharing how long you were at Choate before you and your parents made the decision to leave? From a parent's perspective it's good to have some idea of when "I want to come home" really means that and is not merely a by-product of the adjustment process.</p>
<p>Homesickness usually hits at about the fourth week at a new school (third to fifth week). There has to be more as the faculty & staff at major boarding schools are very well trained to deal with this. Additional issues could deal with anything from "culture shock" in addition to homesickness and, possibly, in addition to a realization that an "A" at most other schools is a "C" at an elite prep boarding school, to a more serious situation that is none of our business. It is interesting to read and compare essays of top ranked students with stellar academic credentials from local schools to those of average students at the elite boarding schools due to the structure, depth & maturity of the work product of the boarding school students. The boarding school experience is not just a change of location while living in a summer camp like atmosphere, it is a tremendous growth & maturation experience unequaled at even the most elite colleges & universities as boarding school develops the person at a younger, more impressionable age. Once you read college essays from students at elite boarding schools, you will understand why these students are sought by & should only attend the nation's most academically demanding universities & colleges. Some students just aren't ready to grow that much at such a young age. And that is okay. As an aside, I bet that if I were given a stack of college application essays comprised of 50% boarding school applicant essays and 50% top ranked day school essays, that I could identify which were the product of each group simply by the depth, maturity, structure & wisdom exemplified in the writings. In short, you get your money's worth at an elite boarding school, but you lose your child.</p>
<p>Icy, you should be a little more cautious in what you post. Your thoughts are strictly YOUR OPINION. Please do not post them as if they are FACT. There are many young, impressionable children reading these posts, who may be swayed by information that may or may not be accurate. You say:
[quote]
Boarding school is much easier for those living within a three (3) hour drive or so. Not so easy for those living thirteen (13) to sixty (60) hours drive from the school.
[/quote]
I don't agree with that statement at all. If you are unhappy at boarding school, you will be unhappy whether you are 20 minutes, 3 hours, or 20 hours away from home. In fact, in my opinion, I think that if you are unhappy at boarding school, and live close enough to home that you are going home on weekends, it may take you that much longer to adjust to boarding school--you are continually being pulled in different directions. </p>
<p>Also, I don't think it is true
[quote]
Homesickness usually hits at about the fourth week at a new school.
[/quote]
You know this how??? Didn't you leave boarding school after 2 weeks? Is this when homesickness hit for your son? Was this also part of your study on the matriculation data of various boarding schools? Both Baseballmom and I had daughters who were homesick. Both of our daughters got over their homesickness within 3 weeks after starting school. What is your basis for stating that homesickness doesn't start until the 4th week. If you are going to make a statement like that, back it up with experiences. </p>
<p>I just think you need to be careful stating your opinion as fact. All of us are only posting our thoughts based on our own experiences. Comments such as
[quote]
I also am familiar with certain aspects of certain boarding schools that can be difficult for an innocent young lady not acquainted with the ultra wealthy NYC area culture.
[/quote]
are generalizations that should be identified as such, not as the final word on certain boarding schools.</p>
<p>As OlderAndWiser says:
[quote]
Any advice you get here is extremely general and reflects only our subjective experiences as parents or students with these schools and their cultures
[/quote]
</p>
<p>jennycraig: One main difference between my post and your post is that I am offering my honest heartfelt advice based on experience, opinion & studies in an effort to share another perspective to those seeking guidance; your post, on the other hand, is only intended to denigrate me and my post out of meanness. If, somewhere along the line my posts cast your child's school in less than a perfect light, then I want to let you know that it is not in any way directed at you. [ ]</p>
<p>Icy, I certainly was not trying to denigrate you in any manner. Nor was I posting out of meanness. Truly, I am a little surprised at your response! It sounds a bit childish. All I was attempting to do was to offer an opinion that caution should be used when one is stating OPINIONS. Statements such as
[quote]
And this does not mean anything bad about Choate, it is just better suited for a wealthy, worldly NYC area kid, then it is for others.
[/quote]
are strictly YOUR OPINION. I am sure there are many students and parents of Choate students who would take umbrage to such generalizations.</p>
<p>Again, I was not attempting to be "mean" and apologize if I came across that way.</p>
<p>Thank you for your apology, but calling my post "childish" in your "apology" speaks for itself. I think that you owe olderandwiser and baseballmom apologies as well for misusing their words as you have misused mine. Ironically, it is you, jennycraig, who "should be a little more cautious in what you post". [ ] Others have a right to express their opinion and share their experiences and knowledge, even if it differs from what you want to read.</p>
<p>this board is ridiculous. yeah, it's just his opinion; what else would it be? he seems like a perceptive guy, so it's likely not too far off.</p>
<p>people should feel free to post honestly, as opposed to the typical "oh everything and everybody is great" bs you see here. it's not helpful to anybody.</p>