<p>I wish I could show some of these responses to her lol. I really appreicate everyones down-to-earth advise,non-degrading tones, and kind responses.</p>
<p>I should make this clear. My parents made for a very toxic home environment which would have been very hard to continue to study at, which was a contributing factor to my decision to go to Rutgers last fall. It is also worth it to me to be 40k more in debt to do my pre-med reqs at a university rather than go home already with that impeding unit cap which would have only aloud me to apply to UCI. So by leaving I screwed myself.</p>
<p>A little background so no one gets confused. I am 21. I have done 2.5 yrs at CC and a semester at Rutgers.</p>
<p>For all of those that are unaware if you go to a CCC then to a 4yr and want to transfer to a UC they are rules as far as unit caps. By my leaving I eliminated UCD (which was my dream in high school), UCLA, and a few others. Going over 90 which would have happened had I went back to CC I would have only be able to apply to UCI. I did NOT know this when I chose Rutgers, nor did I know how much Rutgers would actually cost ,and that my dad was not going to pay anything.</p>
<p>I need to grow up take the punches and realize that I am going to end up paying for it and no one is going to help me out and just focus on getting scholarships and getting home.</p>
<p>I woud like to go to UCSB because they have Microbiology with a concentration in Genetic Engineering but that’ll cost me more.</p>
<p>FIrst of all, as many have said, parents are not obligated to make college payments for their kids. it is entirely up to them except under certain contractual situations that do not apply in the OP’s case.</p>
<p>Having said that, when parents have the income and assets to pay for college and simply refuse to do so, ti puts the student in a big bind, since such students cannot get financial aid since the need may not be there, and yet, the assumed source of payment is refusing to do so. There is a societal assumption that parents would want the best for their children and that includes some payment towards college. </p>
<p>For those in that situation, if the student can live at home, that is support. Having a roof over ones head and any assistance in food, transportation and sundries is something. Don’t discount that. Try living on your own if you don’t think that is relevant support. </p>
<p>A student can then borrow up to $5500 in Direct Loans for freshman year, and hopefully find part time work and go to a local state school to get his/her education. That is the option that is available when parents will not contribute towards college costs.</p>
<p>Borrowing privately means getting a parent to cosign which puts that parent on the hook for the amounts borrowed right along with the student, but if the parent is so irresponsible financially that s/he doesn’t care about this and will not shoulder some of the payments when the student cannot, there could be some serous trouble over this. It also means the student’s credit and prospects are affected too. I have a friend who has been terrilbly hurt because she did cosign a large number of private loans with her DD for college and neither can pay. BOth of them are being killed credit wise, and it may get more serious than that. </p>
<p>You are stuck with what you get with parents and children. You take what good there is in the picture and work the rest of it out yourself. When it comes to college, the average college student is in his/her mid 20s, is going to college part time and working full time to pay for it along with the loans. So it’s not as though the OP is in a truly unusual situation. What makes the situatione unusual and sad is that the peer group that the family has been in and the student feel he is part of, does not behave this way.</p>
UCSD’s pretty highly ranked in the bio sciences area. It’s actually quite well-known for it. The following link outlines their microbiology degree and you can see quite a number of genetics courses. Maybe this’ll be satisfactory for you, especially if it can save you money - </p>
<p>Are you back at Rutgers again for the fall, or are you still in CA for the summer? Why don’t you just take a leave of absence from Rutgers, work for a bit in CA, and start applying to the universities in CA? I do not think it makes any sense at all to run up more debt for Rutgers when you are planning to finish your degree in CA. </p>
<p>If the only way you can keep yourself from smacking your parents upside the head, is by staying on the other side of the country from them, then find a job in New Jersey and stay on the other side of the country. But please don’t go borrowing ridiculous amounts of money for an OOS semester that may or may not cause problems when you do apply for transfer.</p>
<p>Do not excpect anything from your parents. Their obligation to you, at least financial, is over. Seriously. THat is how I view/ed things. This outlook made life so much easier for me. It is so liberating, no room for resentments etc. Your parents are entitled to spend money however they want.It is THEIR money. If they rather buy a $100,000 kitchen then give you $500 that is their right. Others have differnt values etc but none of that matters. You said you already talked to your parents. So my guess is that nothing will change. I can understand how it sucks to take out loans etc when your parents are buying designer cufflinks and furniture especially when the whole college finacnial system counts on them to help you pay for school.</p>
<p>I dont really want to live at home when I return either though I probably will. The major reason is it would be extremely hard to study, my mother always has events and things going on at the house, she kicked me out recently because she was having a party until 10 and I couldnt come back till then. I don’t want that to happen the day before an exam last minute you know? I would also like to note my mom is not a horrible mother shes just not great in putting money in us. She’ll guilt trip us if she has to buy anything.</p>
<p>It would be impossible for me to work and go to school while studying Microbiology my grades would fall to C’s and D’s there wouldnt be enough time to do all the work they require. I cannot go back because if I did I would not qualify for any bio programs with the amount of classes I have done, and I cannot go to CCC because it would only allow me to apply to UCI because I would go over the cap at CCC because everything is 5 units. I don’t really have a choice. I have to stay Rutgers. Granted the OOS is only around 9-10k more its not bad but its not great either. If I took a semester off I would likely have to take the new MCAT which would delay medical school and make my chances much more unlikely.</p>
<p>I have another year at Rutgers the first loan is already out. I have drafted a plan overnight. I am going to approach my mom and my dad, cant do it at the same time, and convince them to pay for housing and and meal plans, which comes out to a bout 12-14k a year, monthly wise thats about 500 dollars from each parent a month. This will make it almost the same cost as going to a UC and staying in the dorms at a UC. I’m going to highball them for 7k a year each.</p>
<p>ALSO, I looked at my fin aid today I got a very modest amount this semester (Insert excitement here).</p>
<p>You could save close to $5000 by getting out of the dorms & meal plans at Rutgers and living in a shared house & making your own food. Just a thought. </p>
<p>Rutgers has a good pre-med program, so don’t sell it short. Look long range at how it will set you up for your life.</p>
<p>Because of the economy your father might be cash poor at the moment and living beyond his means on credit, which could be one reason why he’s backpeddled and your mom is using you as a pawn. </p>
<p>I would also recommend speaking with the counseling dept at Rutgers to help your work through your frustrations and help you look forward.</p>
<p>Point taken. It is unfortunate for kids in this position that the FA structure cannot take this into account–although I completely see why it can’t.</p>
<p>OP, it sounds as if you are making some realistic progress. You may have considered this already, but what are the residency rules in NJ? Is there any possibility that you could take a year off and work and then reenter/reapply as a resident?</p>
<p>I’m thinking about doing that for next semester but it would really stress me out without a car to get groceries, be further from the bus stops etc… Rutgers is a good school its just not for me. I knew that about 5 weeks in maybe it will change down the line in this next year but I’d really just like to go home and go to a UC. </p>
<p>My dad has financial problems in the sense that he gets money spends it all then is poor for 2 weeks until he gets his next amount, which is exactly why I am just going to ask him to pay for something upfront rather than get a direct deposit plan.</p>
<p>I will try and fit in some counseling this semester it would be a great idea.</p>
<p>“Dependent students under the age of 24 are generally presumed to be domiciled in the state in which their parent(s) or legal guardian(s) are domiciled.” straight from their website so thats out of the question.</p>
<p>My parents feel as though college is essential, heck 3/5 of my cousins have PhDs the whole family does. It’s just not their responsibility to pay for it is exactly what they think.</p>
<p>“Parents are under no obligation, legally or morally (IMO), to pay for their kid’s college education.”</p>
<p>Hunt beat me to it again. There’s no legal obligation of course. The moral side is a bit stickier. I do know some (wealthy) parents who have told their kids “Graduate, and we’ll pay off your loans.” I don’t agree with this approach, though I can understand the logic. BUT, would it be morally correct to let your 17-year-old matriculate at NYU using only student loans? What 17-year-old understands what a quarter-million-dollar student loan at 8% really means to a new graduate with a degree in say, Anthropology? (“That’s right son, the interest alone is $20K per year. Yeah I knew that. I didn’t mention it to you? My bad. Sorry. Good luck with the loan.”)</p>
You don’t need to study at home - you can study at school and use home mostly as a place to crash.</p>
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I’m not sure why you say this. I’ve known people in more difficult majors than that (computer science) who are also taking a tough minor and manage. You’ll need to figure out what you yourself can handle but don’t discount being able to have a 10-20 hr/wk campus job. If anything, it’ll probably make you more focused and may improve your grades. It’ll also keep you out of the house that much longer.</p>
<p>10 hrs a week maybe, but Rutgers weeder classes take a lot of effort, I usually study from anywhere to 20-30hrs per exam I managed to rack 4 100 and a 98 on all of my finals. At Rutgers, I dont know how it is everywhere else, but some of the teachers are so horrible you actually have to study 3 hours for every hour of class which is about 50+ hours a week for me. It would be taking a risk and I would rather put the time towards an EC like hospital volunteering than make 100 dollars a week. </p>
<p>I would also say Microbiology is up there with CS and the Engineering majors in hardness at Rutgers. There might not be as much math but there is a ton of conceptual memorization and reading. Its not psychology, if I were a psychology major I might be able to manage. </p>
<p>I can’t handle the stress either the teaching at Rutgers is horrid, I taught everything to myself last semester. I remember being able to study for 10 hrs night before an exam at CC and get 100s, god how I miss that.</p>
<p>To the contrary, I think our culture definitely sees a moral obligation. This can be seen in FAFSA calculations. If our society did not think parents were obligated, then we would not have EFCs. [FAFSA is far from being perfect, but the idea of parental obligation is a central part of it.] Whether there should be a moral obligation is a different debate, but again the idea is embedded in our society.</p>
<p>Yes, parental wealth costs the child thousands of dollars in added expense. The parent has no legal obligation to pay for college, but if they are wealthy and don’t pay, they are behaving despicably.</p>
Scienceguy, why oh why did you transfer to Rutgers if you live in California?</p>
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<p>So this is the reason. Then youve made your bed now lie on it. Did you parents agree with you transferring to Rutgers instead of a CSU or a UC and shouldering the additional costs?</p>
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<p>Is it possible that there is some miscommunication? He probably meant community college costs and you didnt hear the part when he explained he would have a hard time shouldering UC costs or out-of-state schools. My kids have selective hearing too. For example, after dinner:</p>
<p>Kid: Im gonna go hang with X ok.
Me: Who are you gonna hang with again?
Kid: X, Y, Z.
Me: Ok, just be home by midnight.
Midnight passes. 1:30 am, kid arrives:
Me: I told you to be home my midnight.
Kid: What?! I thought it was okay to hang with X, Y and Z. :rolleyes:</p>
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<p>This is quite odd behavior. I dont understand why it was not okay you for stay in your room during the party unless both she and you end up in dramatic scenes during her parties and you embarrass her.</p>
<p>I encourage you to create a spreadsheet showing the costs of Rutgers education, your current and future possible loans and share it with your father. Do an online quick FAFSA calculator and show to him that you cannot get need-based aid because the EFC is too high because of their income and asset combination. Both of you may come to an agreement on what amount he is willing to contribute and what you can shoulder. Good luck!</p>
<p>The fact of the matter is that even if this student had demonstrated need via FAFSA, Rutgers is highly unlikely to have paid much for his expenese. So even with a zero EFC, he would get the PELL, with an EFC of say $6k it is entirely possible and probable that such a family living in CA is not going to have that $6K to give towards college> I don’t think Rutgers is going to give much aid to an OOS Transfer student. It just would not have happened. </p>
<p>What was affordable for the OP was to live at home and take advantage of whatever meals and amenities and the roof over his head, bed to sleep in which is worth a nice hunk of change, and to commute to a 4 year school for a degree, or if there absolutely is nothing within commuting distance, to go to the least expensive state school that would take him. The cost would be a lot less than what Rutger is costing.</p>
<p>I am just sad that it got to this point…that your parents let you go to Rutgers knowing that they weren’t going to be giving you the $$$$ to go.</p>
<p>Let’s just focus on your story. I have answered your Chance Me 2013 in another thread, and I just stumbled on this post. First, YOU made the decision to go to an out of state school–what I mean to say is, tuition for out of state students is brutal. You hale from CA and there are a number of very highly ranked institutions out here–some that outrank Rutgers. While you may feel that your parents should spend money on you and your education, they have NO obligation to spend over 100k+ on a Bachelor’s degree from a non-ivy league school. </p>
<p>If you went to Stanford, Yale; Harvard, Princeton; MIT, etc., then maybe you would have made a point in your argument. The fact that you went to Rutgers, does not mean that your parents have to support another household out of state. While you may feel entitled to have a fully funded education, I am here to remind you that an education at a higher ranked CA public University (with in-state tuition) is a far more reasonable request to make from a parent. You mentioned that you had a toxic home life situation, I can see why you would want to live away from either parent. What I don’t understand is why you would expect them to still pay for your education? In a toxic environment, I would expect a child to leave and not look back for a number of years. Even though your mother yells and kicks you (and your sibling) out of the house when ask for financial help, you have still gone back and kept asking! </p>
<p>Since you are still communicating with both parents, and asking for money, this leads me to believe there is more to this story.There are 2 sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle. Asking other people to justify your feelings is wrong. Why? because they are not your parents and hold no influence in your life whatsoever–and we certainly don’t know the whole story, just your version.</p>