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This year, Harvard accepted only about 9 percent of those who applied, and Columbia University took an even lower percentage. What are these incoming students like? Are they all genius athletes arranged in an ethnically diverse spectrum?</p>
<p>At U of All People, where we understand the publicity value of such standards - and like a good challenge - we've set our goal even higher: Next year, we intend to accept only 5 percent of those who apply to our fabled university. However, in order to attract that many applicants, we?ll need to lower our admissions criteria somewhat. Here?s what we?re looking for:</p>
<pre><code> a minimum SAT score of 400, calculated with a special bonus system that rewards extra effort
a GPA of at least 1.5, with special consideration given to vocational skills
a varsity letter?or some experience?in sports, with the term sports broadly defined to include Texas Hold -Em, video games, and yodeling
at least one extracurricular activity: may encompass shopping and watching most television serials
community service, with special credit for parole activities
proficiency in at least one language, such as English
a vaguely ethnic look, if not true ethnicity (may be waived upon lawsuit)
a geographical location for place of residence, including foreign countries with whom the U.S. is not currently at war
a median family income of some median or other
a high school diploma or a reasonable facsimile thereof
an application at least two-thirds completed, or to the best of the applicant's ability
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<p>Of course, if we don?t manage to attract such qualified applicants, we have our fallback position: our famous 100% acceptance rate - "Educational democracy in action!" - at U of All People, where enrollment is a way of life and our top priority.</p>
<p>Student success is important, but access to students is even more so.
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