<p>Both my kids got into their #1 dream schools, need-blinds meets all FA, so they got great FA. So, all’s well that ends well.</p>
<p>But.</p>
<p>Things could have been very different.</p>
<p>To do it again I would refuse to refinance my house to give my H money to save his business. With the recession it wasn’t worth the money and limited my kids’ choices. They were rejected at schools that were not need-blind. My guess is that they didn’t want to pay for non-ethnic suburban kids down on their luck when there were so many other kids who deserved their money because they had to fight harder from more disadvantaged backgrounds.</p>
<p>I would not allow my kids to turn down applications to reasonable colleges and I would apply to more high matches (or low reaches) since that is where they both attended. For example, S didn’t send in an application to Bowdoin since we had Williams and Amherst and Wesleyan and Vassar. Instead we sent one into Bates. Guess what? Accepted at Williams and Amherst and Wesleyan and Vassar and rejected at Bates. So, after we had two acceptances in place (EA) I would have focussed on only the schools that he really wanted, not more matches/safeties. That would have included Bowdoin and Middlebury, which he refused to apply to for ridiculous reasons he now regrets. It doesn’t matter now, since he would have chosen his Williams acceptance over it, but it was silly and poor strategy then.</p>
<p>I would have insisted D apply to Bryn Mawr and Wellesley along with Smith, Mt. Holyoke and Barnard. She was accepted at Barnard and Mt. Holyoke and wait listed at Smith. (It was a bit strange. I think the woman who interviewed her just did not like her.) She was also wait listed at Sarah Lawrence when the interviewer told her she was a shoo-in and he was the director of admissions. I think she was too expensive. So I should have said she had to apply to the two others as back-ups. Again, not an expensive mistake because Barnard was her number one choice, but we had a lot of agita as the wait list responses were coming in until she got her acceptance. And it could have gone the other way.</p>
<p>I might have made S consider Brown more seriously because it’s not as rigorous a school as Williams in terms of academic policy and Williams has been challenging with his ADD. He’s adored it, but there were glitches. He got a D in the second half of Ancient Greek. At Brown he could have dropped it. At Williams he was forced to keep it even though professors gave him wrong info about it, etc. He wasn’t even allowed to take it again for grade averaging. He’s stuck with the grade.</p>
<p>So I would have made him sit in classes and looked at posted grades, just so he would know what he was getting into.</p>
<p>I was lucky, because that one bad grade was a wake-up call, he went into counseling at school (for a host of reasons, but low self-esteem was one) and has a 4.0 this semester. He grew up a lot, which I guess is the best outcome, but he might have gone the other direction instead. I told him the academics were very rigorous and to consider Bard and Vassar, but I don’t think he knew what that meant after having an almost 4.0 at a very rigorous suburban hs. It just wasn’t the same. And I knew that, but he didn’t.</p>
<p>We had dumb luck because neither kid did overnights, sat in classes or much else but step on campus and read the catalogue (only at my insistence.) They were convinced these were the schools for them, and I guess they were, but such a “psychic” process is not the most secure or mature.</p>
<p>Some things I would do the same is encourage (not force) each kid to have EC’s that were unique to them and to work hard at them. This was not only for college admissions but to become people who self-actualize. Friends thought I was ridiculous to put so much attention there and that it was crass to focus on college admissions like that, but I didn’t see it that way. For me, strongly encouraging S to try to compose music and getting him into a program where he did gave him a form of self-expression few have and that has meant a lot to him. He wouldn’t have done this on his own. I know this helped his admissions results, but it was actually the right thing for him. I did similar things with D.</p>
<p>Another thing I did that was right was not to insist D continue to get A’s in science and math. She hated tutors. I told her she wouldn’t get into Columbia or Brown, her previously first place schools. She said that was okay with her. If it was okay with her, it was okay with me. She got B+'s in her AP math and science classes. And she ended up liking her courses at Barnard more than most she took at Columbia and the school better. I am so glad I didn’t make her miserable by harping on A’s in the subjects that just weren’t her.</p>
<p>GTatum: My kids push back quite a bit, and from what I know of your kids you did an awesome job.</p>