<p>My ds had mixed results and is WL at his top choice school. Here's what I think we learned: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>I know most of us have no choice, but it really skews chances. If at all possible, do NOT check that aid box! </p></li>
<li><p>Don't talk too much about extracurriculars that the school does not offer. </p></li>
<li><p>If you don't play team sports before you apply, do your best to express interest in the team sports offered at each school. Think about what you could play and enjoy, and let them know! </p></li>
<li><p>If someone who you think knows what's going on tells you not to worry, keep worrying! </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Still convinced that every community needs kids that understand “community development.” This is a different hook from brilliant academics, musicianship, athletics, travel/geography. Can you find a way that shines a light on your kid as someone who will function as “glue” to BS community, who is comfortable with diverse peers (and adults) of various ages, etc. Can they express that they value it and demonstrate how they’ve worked at it in essays/interviews? That HAS to be a hook to these schools that depend so heavily on cohesive community.</p>
<p>Rellielou, I totally agree with your point #1. I know kids that got into Andover that are full pay with not so stellar stats this year and last.</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Start essays/apps early, but not TOO early. For two schools, I gave my daughter the prompts I found online at school sites at the end of the summer, only to realize that they had changed for the new application year. The school where she was rejected? We found out that 2 questions were different than the ones she had written essays for the night before the app was due. Much scrambling ensued.</p></li>
<li><p>“Gut” feelings, first impressions, and “vibes” are perfectly valid reasons to apply to schools or cross schools off your list. The two schools where our daughter was accepted both felt the most right, the most special to us…from the first visit onwards.</p></li>
<li><p>If you can, visit and interview in the Summer…and visit again in the Fall when school is in session. I think AOs have a bit more time to spend with you in the Summer. Additionally, because they might have lighter schedules in the summer, your child can possibly make a bigger impression.</p></li>
<li><p>Think outside HADES/GLADCHEMMS/ACRONYM OF THE MOMENT school. From now on, I’m going to try and refer to these schools not as “top tier”, but as “most famous”. Because there are plenty of schools that are great and who might have money for FA, but who don’t get considered because they aren’t as famous as Exeter and Andover. One school that I think of immediately is St. Andrew’s in Delaware. We requested info from SAS in the second round of inquries…after the Grotons, SPSs, Exeters, and Andovers of the world. My D chose to apply there over Exeter, Groton, etc. because it felt right to her, not because it was less selective or “a safety”.</p></li>
<li><p>A wise man once told me “don’t let your kid fall in love with a school until she is admitted”. He’s right.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>Lesson learned from a former Manhattanite who left the elite indep school where DC was slogging and came to the country in hopes of leaving all that behind: some part of the admissions process for bs perhaps ought to be handled by the child’s current school. In NYC, the exmissions people get on the phone and horse trade. We had virtually no support and absolutely no horse trading and many exceptional candidates were WL or rejected from schools where I believe they fit.<br>
Did any of you have a school that manages the phones to ensure for your child’s placement?</p>
<p>I know a lot of parents wanted to shape their kids in a particular format to apply for BS. Good grades, CTY summer schools, particular sports, ECs etc. My daughter did not follow any of these standard formats which actually saved me a lot of money. Instead, she has her own talents and skills which really attracted the admission officer. My daughter loves crafts and sewing. She has her own online stores selling all sorts of her creations which actually has costumers. She sewed her own clothes, did a lot of fashion design works. She made thousands of handmade stamps. Her creativity is just so amazing that I believe is one of the factor why she got accepted. The most important factor is that she also has good grades and ssat scores.
I am just trying to say, schools don’t look for photocopied kids. They wanted somebody really special and unique to contribute the school and the society.</p>
<p>ZP, that’s a good one! I overlooked the fact that we should relocate before dd applies to BS! I’m quite sure our state is overrepresented in east coast BS applications.</p>
<p>Agree completely. This is something easily understood but too late to realize. I believe I was rejected by SPS for this reason and this reason alone.</p>
<p>If you love playing the ukelele but your favorite school doesn’t offer a platform for ukelele playing, you could put a positive spin on it by saying, “I taught myself the ukelele and if I had the chance to attend a school with an outstanding music program, I imagine I’d pick up another instrument very quickly. I am really looking forward to the chance to share my love of music with other students.”</p>
<p>Right - because that thing you didn’t talk about might have been the one thing that stood out among all the other students trying to “parrot” the viewbooks.</p>
<p>I’m going to add to the list:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Let your child drive the “process.” If they can’t, they’re not ready to go and it may be part of the reason they were bypassed. This is a time for parents to take a backseat to the process as much as possible. Not because your child isn’t a good student, but because in that pool there may be hundreds more that are clearly more able to navigate without a “pilot.”</p></li>
<li><p>Schools judge parents as much as they judge students. You’ll be part of the community once your child is accepted and faculty will be living with, or dealing with, your family for the next 3-4 years. This is a time for parents to be seen but often not heard. See my comment in #1 above.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>For the record, I have - on occasion - written comments in my reports about how pushy, needy or demanding a parent was. Or whether the parent let their student get a word in edgewise. Or if they were more seduced by the prestige than the fit for their child. Or if they were negative about their current school situation.</p>
<p>Regardless of what happens - I see the same thing when it’s time for college. And I recently got a call from a parent whose child is in grad school asking for resources to help her write a paper. Not kidding.</p>
<p>If your child is ready for boarding school, they’re old enough for you to get out of the way.</p>
<p>“Or if they were negative about their current school situation.”</p>
<p>wait, in what context? like, complaining about their current public school? if so… how is that a bad thing? sorry if this seems like a silly question, i’m rather naive :$</p>
<p>There’s “explaining” that the school isn’t able to offer the right challenges for the child (and explaining how you’re proactively compensating for the deficit) and then there’s complaining (about the bad teachers, incompetent administrators, tone deaf school boards, etc.). It’s a subtle difference -now what I mean?</p>
<p>There’s running “to” something (i.e Boarding School) versus running “away” from something (i.e lousy academic climate.)</p>
<p>So when, in a limited slot of time, the parent is talking about the 100 ways their local school sucks, instead of the 100 ways their son/daughter would enjoy the school’s opportunities - the Adcom is already anticipating the 100 ways the parent is going to be kvetching about the things they don’t like once the student is on their campus too (rules, grades, food, class content, etc.). “Helicopter” and “negative” as it relates to parents comes up often both at BS and college.</p>
<p>Which is why there’s a way to broach the subject which is to simply say he/she’s maxed out his potential at the current school and craves the company of like minded individuals. A place where he/she doesn’t have to hide being smart.</p>
<p>Turning the lemons you’re stuck with into a great appetizer for the school. But only if necessary. Just about everyone is applying to BS because it’s a great opportunity and if you’re stuck in a lousy school, chances are they already know. If they don’t, they can probably guess. So the unspoken question is “what are you doing to mitigate the problem in the meantime” and gravitate to those kids who are proactive and studying outside the box.</p>
<p>This whole dance is about “strategy”. So many parents project desperation when they don’t meant to, that it comes off as an emotional “purchase” instead of an objective one. </p>
<p>So the parents goal is to simply give the impression - "my kid is mature, really wants your school, ready for the challenge, I’m supportive, I’m all in if you take them, count me in as a partner. "</p>
<p>Great thread! Here is my input some is similar to previous posts</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Let DC do own research on schools, read as much as possible on websites - newletters, message from headmaster, download course catalog, stats for sports and colleges. This will give more confidence to DC for interview and they can bring up something that excited them when asked by AO why they want to come to school. One AO seemed impressed DC quoted from commencement speech.</p></li>
<li><p>Do first interview at one of your lower ranked schools. My DC had never been interviewed before and it was a good opportunity to learn and improve skills. Give pointers on body language, making eye contact, have a couple of responses/questions ready to go a few days ahead of interview. Nerves run high as interview approaches and DC may not be as receptive. DC realized importance of doing item 1 after first interview. </p></li>
<li><p>Let essay/app question have DC’s voice. We had English tutor from private school and he kept repeating this through the whole process. He said he was often called in when there was a discrepency between quality/voice of SSAT essay and app essays. The AOs can tell when something is written from the heart or just to impress. For example if essay is about book changed your life and DC wants to write about Diary of a Wimpy Kid don’t have them switch it to War and Peace. I have to admit I thought some of DC’s choice’s were not as impressive as they could be but tutor kept reminding me of DC’s voice. I am so glad I listened, after I read DC’s work I was touched and learned a lot about them.</p></li>
<li><p>For those in public school ask English teacher to work on graded writing sample before everyone starts requesting reccomendation forms. Ours keep putting it off despite mentioning it at Sept conference, emails and DC mentioning it. Then requests for reccomendations came pouring in and then holidays. They did not put much time or effort into helping DC. Teacher gave sample an A but I felt they would have given anything DC wrote an A. It was not DC’s best work and we lost opportunity to shine. Teacher didn’t give to DC until week of Jan 15. </p></li>
<li><p>Don’t pick any schools to receive SSAT scores until after results known. SSAT told me grades are sent electronically every Friday to schools and $35 express results are emailed to parents on Weds or Thurs before. We put down schools to receive report thinking we would cancel if not best effort. SSAT ended sending grades on Tues and we didn’t get chance to cancel. When I called SSAT back they said they know schools waiting for grades so if they process them early they do send report before Fri. SSAT had zero sympathy and no interest in warning others this can happen.</p></li>
<li><p>Plan a family event to celebrate the end of the application process, it gives you something to look forward to. We took a weekend trip and let DC plan it out. When they wanted a little trinket or $5 ice cream we kept telling them they earned it. Sibling also recognized for being such a good sport and is already planning thier outing.</p></li>
<li><p>Take advantage of opportunity to spend time with teenage DC. Use the long rides to interviews to talk about DC’s hopes and dreams and how much you love and support them. I think we both ended up respecting each other more and the time together was priceless.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>@picoka: I second your #5 heartily. The day after the Oct SSATs, I went online to remove ALL schools from “send scores” list…then added back after we saw hard copy report. DD did just fine on first test, but at least we had the option to shares scores or not.</p>
<p>I love your suggestion of #6…I’d even say to do this after Jan 15 or Feb 1 app due dates…so the trip isn’t about the decisions but the process. And giving the sibling who came along for the ride on the many Fall day and overnight school tour trips is a great idea.</p>
<p>Exie, I like the point you make about parent involvement. I know a few parents who are totally enmeshed with their teens, and my dentist’s wife is still “helping” their college kids write papers. Ethics aside, it doesn’t do the kid any favors if you don’t allow him/her to work toward independence and personal growth.</p>
<p>Hmmm…I hesitate to critique other families’ involvement with their kids. What might look like total enmeshment from the outside might be essential support for a challenge that those outside the family don’t know about–or just an unusually tight family that likes to spend time together and help each other out in areas where others might seek more outside support. For example, I encourage my college students to come to me for help with papers whenever they need it–but when they tell me they have a sister or mom who’s good at writing, I encourage them to use that resource too. Sure there are cases where parents offer help that really amounts to writing essays for kids (obviously inappropriate), but most parents I know (teachers at my college, for example) enjoy talking over papers/assignments with their kids, even into college–and their kids are very independent, mature individuals. </p>
<p>Along the same lines, I think different parents will offer various degrees of support during the bs application process in terms of arranging for interviews, making reservations, and generally helping with applications. I do agree, though, that kids really wanting bs is an essential (as is kids writing their own essays!).</p>
<p>I had a good friend give me advice when my d started kindergarten:</p>
<p>The sooner you allow your child’s work to be their own, the sooner they will take responsibility. </p>
<p>Allow them to pick the poster board colors, letter font; be there to buy the board and hand them the glue stick. I admit it was very tough lesson when they are 4.5 years old, and I sometimes have crossed the line, but this lesson has worked well for my kid. I am still the parent, but her grades are what she makes, or the lessons she learns, we both accept that she is the owner.</p>