Lessons learned

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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<p>We had a list of selective schools. I did not try to schedule the interviews in any order. My highest priority was avoiding missed school days. Our son interviews well. I have read before on CC the advice to “practice” with the first interviews. I think there is a possible side effect. Do AOs expect if a child interviews in September, his family hasn’t ranked the school highly on their list? </p>

<p>Perhaps one should be contrarian, and schedule the most desired schools early in the season, if the applicant interviews well. If everyone else is practicing, and not taking it seriously, the serious applicant will shine in comparison. :)</p>

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<p>@classicalmama,</p>

<p>It’s conceded that many parents offer varying levels of support, it’s a common issue here in my neck of the woods. But the reality is - if that’s the case, it does foretell an outcome that is not favorable. The parent isn’t going to be there in BS helping with the papers, telling them when to clean their room, helping them figure things out. The elite schools want kids who are ready to fly solo NOW. </p>

<p>I added that parent comment/caution because I’ve been counseling parents over the last few days to stop getting in the middle of the process. The same is going on with the MIT waitlist which was just announced. I’m convinced that “well meaning” dooms BS and college application. So I’ve literally been telling people “stop talking, stop explaining, stop clarifying, stop helping.” Cut those apron strings and duck tape your hands.</p>

<p>Let your kid take it from here on out. If they can’t do it - they’re not ready and I suspect - in some cases - that’s what the Adcoms thought too.</p>

<p>My policy and many others is (for BS and College) if the parent calls me I’m happy to answer questions, but I won’t interview any student who isn’t mature enough to set up their own appointment and make the arrangements on their own. That, unfortunately, is the new reality.</p>

<p>It may be a school for adolescents, but a better way to think of this is “it’s equivalent to putting your child into a college atmosphere a few years early.”</p>

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<p>I should never even open advice threads Exie–just brings out my oppositional, rule-defying nature! </p>

<p>I do agree that it’s best to give kids as much independence as possible when going through the process, particularly in terms of emailing/calling schools with questions–personally, I’d still do things like schedule the interviews and book the flights because that affects my work and wallet more than my kids.</p>

<p>Honestly, though, by the number of CC rules of good parenting I violate, you’d think my kid would be a sniveling, dopey mass of jelly. And yet…he’s not.</p>

<p>So my lesson learned: trust your family, trust your kid, go with the gut. And feel free to ignore everything I say.</p>

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<p>lol! It’s all good, classicalmama. Let’s just say we’re all part of the College Confidential debate team! :slight_smile: You know I love a good devil’s advocate position.</p>

<p>I think we’re on the page. I’m just saying - when it comes to applications, keep the “good parenting” in the closet and out in public, put on the “supportive team player, school partner, my kid is independent and thrives without me” game face. Because it might read as if the family isn’t quite ready when there are so many other candidates that could take that spot. </p>

<p>It’s hilarious how many parents “hover” during MIT interview season. Thank goodness those decisions went online at midnight last night.</p>

<p>And lord knows I had to sit on my own hands during my daughter’s BS process because being a wall flower has never been a skill of mine. (can’t you tell?) :-)</p>

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<p><em>ROFL</em> Another of my favorites from this thread - Thank you, SevenDad!</p>

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<p>Absolutely! You would never interview for a job without knowing as much as possible about the company you want to work for. Why would you let your child interview for BS without knowing as much as possible about the school?</p>

<p>If it gets down to two candidates (of course, it isn’t ever really that simple), and Candidate #1 says he applied because he had “heard such great things about the school” and Candidate #2 says how impressed he is that the school’s Science Quiz Bowl team just won the New England regional championship last week (;)), which one would you choose?</p>

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<p>The one who wasn’t coached by his parent to give an answer only a middle-aged parent would give. :D</p>

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<p>haha! Periwinkle, I have to agree. Even if it wasn’t a parent coaching their kid, it sounds a little obsesive. You want to find a teen who has a life, not just a link to the school’s website.</p>

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<p>In my own defense, first, I’m a little past middle age and, second, my kid’s team was one of the ones they had to beat in order to get that championship . . . so he told me about that award!</p>

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<p>I was talking about the obsession of an applicant, not a current student.</p>

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<p>@Dodgersmom, in that case, it would come up naturally in conversation for your son.</p>

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<p>Things that were helpful IMHO</p>

<p>1) read a lot on CC. Search threads for old info on acceptances and schools. Spend time getting all info you can from school websites - we began doing this 1 year before applying.</p>

<p>2) Help your family think about creating a “package”, not in a fake sense, but focusing on what your applicant has to uniquely offer a school. Develop that theme in activities, essays, short answers, so the AO remembers your child in a sound bite - I was told we were easy to remember as "math/science girl from the Midwest’. Play down gazzilions of activities and try to highlight the ones that fit with the theme. </p>

<p>3) Interview first at a less important school to get the practice.</p>

<p>4) Really study for the SSAT. Try to take an hour a day over a year to make and study vocab cards and get some books and get familiar with analogies and practice math questions. Do not automatically send SSAT scores to schools - wait till you see them first. Test early enough that retesting in December will be an option if needed.</p>

<p>5) Dress nicely for interviews. Send hand written thank you notes referring to a particularly enjoyable topic you discussed during the interview.</p>

<p>6) Have some good books/literature ready to discuss during interviews. Be ready to talk about challenges faced in and out of school. Be able to talk about why you are a good fit for the school (specifically). Know what each school has to offer you and talk about it in the interview. Be ready to give a coherent 2 minute highlight about why you are the kind of applicant they want. </p>

<p>7) Be interested in the sports the school offers. </p>

<p>8) ask recommenders early (October) for recs, give them a brief “resume” of your activities they can refer to. Remind them nicely frequently, then check that things are received, at least one of our recommendations got lost and had to be resubmitted. Think way ahead about who the “optional” recommendations will be from, a coach, club, extracurricular.</p>

<p>9) Help your child find some passion early, give them opportunities to get involved in that, both inside and outside of school. Activities that have been developed over 3-4 years show dedication and effort. Discuss this as early as possible. </p>

<p>10) read - a lot</p>

<p>11) try to visit the schools</p>

<p>12) get organized - files for each school, each recommender, dates highlighted. It is a lot of detail to organize. Get everything in a few weeks ahead of the deadlines. </p>

<p>13) get first draft of essays done in early November, to give your teachers a chance to read them, and work on revisions - and more revisions. Parents - do not even think of writing the essays, it will be obvious to the schools. Parents can help check spelling.</p>

<p>14) The schools blur after you visit several. Take notes and pictures of school life right after your visit. </p>

<p>15) Check calendars for school events in your area (admissions officers visits)</p>

<p>Good luck, have fun, no need to spend a fortune on a consultant.</p>

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<p>2 prepMom: great post. I’m feeling so much more like a good rule follower now–that pretty much sums up everything we did (except 15–not an option here). </p>

<p>Number 10 should possibly be number 1–so many things–good interviews, SSAT’s, essays, follow from it. </p>

<p>And the theme (#2) can be something from your background or family that makes you stand out in an interesting way, a way that will make you a unique part of the school–now that I think about it, my kid had three major themes (family, athletic, academic) that ran through his essays, interviews, and application materials.</p>

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<p>Lots of pre-admissions learning. Here’s a couple of thoughts for revisits and prior to signing the enrollment papers:</p>

<ol>
<li>Ask the school to put you in contact with other families from your neck of the woods. You might gain some valuable insight from them that will help with your decision. </li>
<li> Ask what report cards look like, how much interaction faculty have with parents (or through advisors) so you are kept abreast of good efforts and challenges.</li>
<li> Study carefully what kids do on weekends–do they run to NYC or stay in BSville–for boarders, this matters.</li>
<li> Is there a culture of nice kids–this is harder to assess but very important.</li>
<li> Ask around about which faculty members are the best advisors/most active with students. hopefully more than one name emerges so you know that it’s a widespread school culture to support the kids.</li>
</ol>

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<p>2prepmom: great post - you pretty much hit play by play what our family did - we were pleased with our results. Your #6 hits on some important points - almost every AO asked my child what she was currently reading and her opinion of the book/author. D is a huge Wilke Collins fan and has read almost every book he wrote - so she was well versed on one particular author. Also,agree that being able to articulate why you want to attend that particular school is very important. Enthusiasm for the school is important as well - don’t just refer to the school newspaper or choir - know the name of that school’s newspaper and choir.</p>

<p>Each family needs to decide how they are going to handle the question of “where else are you applying”? EVERY AO asked my D that question and I think it can heavily influence the decision.</p>

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<p>Know that even if you do all those things in 2PrepMom’s post (which is really good!), you still may not have a favorable outcome. Sometimes, it’s just not going to happen that year. What works one year may not work another year. What works for one kid may not work for another.</p>

<p>It’s been said over and over again that it’s a very fluid process. The applicant pool and the needs of the school change from year to year and that is not something that you have any control over. The trick is to “accept the things you cannot change” and deal - just deal with what you can. Don’t expend emotional energy over what is fair and what isn’t. My daughter is pretty demoralized right now but is trying to keep her chin up. She spent months and months preparing, planning and dreaming and she’s wondering what the point of it all was. She has to go back to her rural public school where there was a fight yesterday that brought one kid out on a stretcher and another to the ER for stitches, where AP teachers don’t assign papers because it’s too much trouble to grade them, where the average SAT score is less than 1500 (all three sections). But in that situation, she will HAVE to find something redeeming in it because it doesn’t look like she has much of a choice. Unless she makes her was off of a WL, that’s where she will be.</p>

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<p>Neato:</p>

<p>Have you thought about homeschooling over the next year? Frankly, our local public school is considered stellar; however, DC has found the school to be very slow, while C has not been subject of bullying there seems to be alot of it going around, a lot of troubled kids, drugs and sex, yes at the Middle School level. I have come to believe that it is at every school in the country…</p>

<p>Anyway I am sorry DD does not have BS as an option at this point (although please don’t give up hope bkz I do believe it might still work out for your DD this year.</p>

<p>Regards</p>

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<p>Yes flowers, I have considered that. The problem is that our school is all or nothing and she’d rather just supplement than give up band and chorus, art and the occasional play.</p>

<p>And I don’t know what happened in the last sentence of my last post! Serious syntax spaz. :)</p>

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<p>The demographic that happens to be wealthy and overrepresented is not the one to be from if seeking substantial financial aid. Doesn’t matter how smart or talented one is. </p>

<p>Success stories don’t always disclose the hook that made it possible, unless athletic. </p>

<p>Add to that the generally imbalanced ratio of qualified girls versus boys.</p>

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<p>Do your chances change if you say you are hispanic, but you look 100% white? Hopefully this question relates to this thread, sorry if it doesn’t :)</p>

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<p>I believe racial identity is about more than just skin color. A good friend of mine has an African (not African American, but real African) dad and a very fair skinned blonde mom. She and her sisters have straight dark hair and I’d say they look Mediterranean, if I were to take a guess without knowing them. They all attended college as minorities. My friend has some great stories about people who assumed she was Italian or whatever and treated her differently once they found out her actual heritage. She said that people used to see her parents together and make rude comments. </p>

<p>So, yeah, if you identify as a particular race, then go ahead and check that box, but don’t play games just to try to have an edge.</p>