<p>i was reading the worst/best rejections and acceptances, and i thought it'd be fun to relieve some stress by collaboratively writing the worst rejection possible line by line
i'll do the first line and then you can go from there </p>
<p>Dear Moron (oh, i mean misterme34),</p>
<p>Dear hopeful student,
I am happy to report that we do not allow people such as yourself into our snobbish school, and are thankful we have higher standards. Try a low tier state school, that should do the trick!-love, the self-esteem crushers</p>
<p>Failure.
Love,
University of ________</p>
<p>Dear happy student,</p>
<p>I would just like to congratulate you on not being accepted to The University of _____</p>
<p>I'll wait a second while you reread that last line</p>
<p>....</p>
<p>Okay, That should be sufficient time even for you small, underachieving mental capacity to handle. </p>
<p>Thank you for the application fee,</p>
<p>The University of ____</p>
<p>Dear Moron (oh, i mean misterme34), </p>
<p>AHAHHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHA. we think it's so cute you actually think you had a chance. you got rejected BTW.</p>
<p>Dear YOU,
After a 5 minute review of your application we are bored out of our minds and YOU REALLY SUCK. Nice try, but no. </p>
<p>The University of _____________, (The one you didn't get into)</p>
<p>Dear Unworthy Slob,</p>
<p>Total Fail. Let me spell that out for you: F-A-I-L. You should go hang yourself because you are such a failure.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
The University of _______________ (for people that aren't lowlifes like you)</p>
<p>Because of you, we wasted 5 minutes of our precious life.
Also, this rejection paper is not worth it.</p>
<p>On what you believe is a blank 1/4 sheet of paper at first glance and in tiny letters:</p>
<p>You are such a failure. Go hang yourself now for making us waste such precious paper.</p>
<p>Dear ________________,</p>
<p>We are ecstatic to inform you that you will not be joining us in the Class of 2013.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
University of Guam (did I mention that we have a 98% acceptance rate?)</p>
<p>Thanks for the laughs.
University of _________</p>
<p>An audio CD is sent to you. You play the audio CD and all you hear is the whole admissions comittee going: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.................................................................... AAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!</p>
<p>Just a single sheet of paper with "NO" written in six inch block letters.</p>
<p>Either that or something like this:</p>
<p>Dear [name],</p>
<p>Congratulations on your acceptance to [college name]. We are pleased to welcome you to our fine school and . . . .</p>
<p>[it continues in this vein for the first page]</p>
<p>[then, on the second page: ]</p>
<p>PSYCH!!!! You didn't get in, although we did pass your application around and laugh at the idea that you thought you had a chance. Sucker!</p>
<p>Sincerely,</p>
<p>[college name]</p>
<p>PS We bought beer with your application fee and had a party. It was awesome.</p>
<p>"We saw all your pompous posts on collegeconfidential.com and they don't fit with your introspective essay about humility.</p>
<p>Fail."</p>
<p>"Dear (name),
We were very pleased you decided to apply to our fine university. We particularly enjoyed your essay on (essay topic). We also were pleased with your top test scores and grades accumulated throughout your high school career. We know that you extensively research our university and found it to be your perfect fit. Finally, we know you'd be happy to attend our university and we have good news for you. (Local community college name) is still accepting applicants. Too bad you weren't good enough for our high standards, but you should seen this coming.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
(you really think our dean would waste time signing a rejection)"</p>
<p>Dear applicant,</p>
<p>Congratulations! After a review of your application, we have decided you are a perfect fit for the University of ____________. We look forward to welcoming you to the Class of 2013!</p>
<p>April fools.</p>
<p>Warm regards,
Dean of Admissions</p>
<p>^ I, personally, would cry.</p>
<p>"Dear collegebound91,</p>
<p>You may want to consider a new username. Or at least, try adding "community" in front of it. </p>
<p>And in case that wasn't straight forward enough for your smallish mind: you've been REJECTED. Enjoy the extra twenty pounds you'll put on from all of that comfort food. Enclosed is a coupon for a free trial of Jenny Craig.</p>
<p>Love, the Admissions Committee. </p>
<p>P.S. We're enclosing a bill for the postage, paper, and overall waste of time.</p>
<p>I don't know from where I got this but it was a mock up pamphlet from back in Dec. Here is the copy in part:</p>
<p>We’re delighted that you’ve completed your application, but not really sure why you went to the trouble. It’s nice to know that today’s youth still have an optimistic side. This pamphelet is meant to give you a close look at our academics and photo-perfect campus. Considering that this is the closest you'll get to attending our school, we figured it would be nice to let you pretend you'll get accepted. Shame that you only got a 2370 on your SATs. Also, what was with the 4.2 GPA? Our admissions committee found it hard to look past those faults. But don't feel too bad. There are plenty of other colleges to choose from. And what was with that "dream school" comment on your essay? Like that was going to change our minds?</p>
<p>We're glad you decided to apply to our school. The more students we reject, after all, the more selective we appear in the US News rankings. (They promised to move us up to #14 if we got our acceptance rate under 20 percent!) In short thanks for giving us the selectivity boost we needed.</p>
<p>Remember: someone will accept you.</p>
<p>Percent accepted: Not telling
Admissions deadline: Irrelevant
Need-based aid: Saving it for next year
Merit-based aid: Are you kidding me?
Selectivity rating: Through the roof
Notification date: April 1 </p>
<p>Under various pictures: "Our school is just minutes away from a major airport and is why we can send rejection letters so quickly." And a personal favorite: "We'd tell you more about this ivy-covered building, but it would just get your hopes up. Where else are you applying?"</p>
<p>Dear Student,</p>
<p>We regret to inform you that you have not been selected for admissions to X University for the Fall 2009 Semester. After reviewing your pathetic SAT Scores, your not-so-generous community service activities, your less-than-stellar performance in high school, and your substandard letters of recommendation, we concluded that you are not at the level of the other applications we received. Our admissions board sat here puzzled as to what exactly you were doing between 3 PM and 9 PM each day. You clearly were not studying, not volunteering, not working, and not studying for your SAT's. Since you are not an African American or Latino applicant, extremely poor, or have not discovered a cure for cancer or written a novel, we could not find any other excuse to offer you admissions this year. Perhaps you would like to transfer here in the Fall of 2011 after you have demonstrated further worth. Until then, we will only be accepting applicants with a high level of achievement, so please refrain from challenging this decision or applying until 2011.</p>
<p>We regret not only having to reject you from admissions, but having to even read your application.</p>
<p>Regards,
Dean of Admissions</p>
<p>CONGRATULATIONS! You have received a FREE job application to McDonald's! Better luck next time!</p>