<p>I gave the following to my D after rejection to UNC (we are OOS so **it happens! ) feel free to re-use as necessary ha ha!</p>
<p>The Ultimate Rejection Letter</p>
<hr>
<p>Herbert A. Millington
Chair Undergraduate Admissions Committee
412A Clarkson Hall,
University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, NC 34109</p>
<p>Dear Dean Millington,</p>
<p>Thank you for your letter of January 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
admission to your university. </p>
<p>This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of universities, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. </p>
<p>Despite UNCs outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of freshman class member
at your university this August. I look forward to seeing you then. </p>
<p>Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.</p>
<p>Dear _____:
I regret to inform you that because you have failed to respond to our offer of admission within the required two weeks, we must now withdraw our offer. We wish you all success in the future.</p>
<p>Congratualations! I am pleased to inform you, that the committee has decided to offer you a place in the class of 2013! April Fools! Ya, I know you thought it would be neat to be accepted to a top college, so we allowed you to feel that elusive form of ecstacy for about 5 seconds (depending on your reading skills). By the looks of you Critical Reading score, I would say it took you a little under 10 seconds.</p>
<p>A text saying ADMISSION DECISION:REJECT
or something like this:
Dear ___:</p>
<p>I understand that you received an acceptance letter to:(insert school) however, I'm sorry to inform you that it was an accident. A horrible (for you) mistake and you were actually rejected your name just accidentally got tossed in with the accepted students who are a lot smarter, funnier, and really just a whole lot better than YOU.
P.S., you're full of fail. </p>
<p>Dear Mr. lastnamenotdisclosed:
As the director of admissions at Harvard Univeristy I would like to take pride to send you this note. As of today you have been denied from our school, we understand the applicant pool is competitive but you sucked. You may be wondering how I know you, well one of my colleagues at Yale told me about how terrible your application was. Boy, you should get accepted just for giving me such a good laugh... Your SAT was really sub par, 2380 just does not cut it. Among other things you really showed little passion in your interview,
I would like to reiterate how you would not fit into Harvard University. We are known for our top Academics, Arts, and Athletics and unfortunately you have none of the above. This year the applicant pool, like I said above, was really competitive... </p>
<p>We denied a total of three people so yes admissions are tough but you were the absolute worst of the three. I understand you are illiterate so I have assigned my personal assistant to come over to Guantanomo and tell you this bad news.</p>
<p>Again thanks for giving me this amazing pleasure and I hope I do not see you around the campus...</p>
<p>We are sorry that we are unable to offer you admission to Zzyzx University. Upon review, we have determined that your "Why Zzyzzx" essay displays an abnormal, deranged obsession in regard to our institution and is reflective of serious emotional instability (an observation corroborated by your other seriously unhinged essays). Therefore, we have contacted the 1st County Superior Court and requested a restraining order. By the injunction, you are not to approach within 3,500 yards of the campus, or any member of our student body. It is recommended that you seek psychological counseling and/or electroshock therapy (Out of mercy and pity towards the truly pathetic state of your existence, we have attached a list of psychiatrists in your area specializing in patients suffering from acute psychoses). We wish you the best of luck in regard to your future endeavors.</p>
<p>Or not even wasting the time to send a letter so while everyone else is getting their decisions you are worrying for weeks before you end up calling the college.</p>
<p>"Congratulations! It is with great pleasure that I inform you of your admission to ________________ University as a member of the Class of 2013. You were selected from an accomplished and academically talented group of applicants. You and your potential classmates are truly outstanding in your achievements, your diversity of interests, and your potential."</p>
<p>This is what we said to our accepted students. Unfortunately, we had a record breaking 12,439,586 applicants this year and regret to inform you that we are left to reject your application. We thank you for your contribution in decreasing our acceptance rate this year.</p>
<p>Love,
Ivana Humpalot
____________ Office of Admissions</p>
<p>Dear (applicant's name),
I regret to inform you that you are not accepted to our fine university. It is not you but your horrible GPA, lack of participation in any extracurricular activities, and that your essay was written in seven words: I want to go to your school. I hope you are considering community college becasue that is where you are likely to be anyway.</p>
<p>P.S. Good luck with your life because you need it.</p>