let's write the worst rejection possible

College Confidential Community
61

<p>some user named reallyseeme posted this i thought it was hilarious</p>

<p>Dear (Enter name here),</p>

<p>We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to (Enter name of college or university here). The overall applicant pool this year was especially competitive, and it is unfortunate that we had to waste our time reading your application. We understand your strong interest in our school, although we don't particularly care, and we are in fact sending you this letter to inform you of your general inferiority and lack of intellectual vitality, originality, and positive contribution to our egotistical and elitist community. We are sorry that you believed that you may have had a shot at getting accepted here, in addition to feeling sorry for your severe misconception of your own personal qualities, achievements, and potential for the future, which we believe will be exceptionally bleak and pitiful.</p>

<p>(Enter name of rejected student here), you are a fine student with substantial support from your teachers and advisors. We're lying to you right now, but if we do not include this falsely supportive information, there is a higher chance that you will slit your wrists/jump off your roof/drown yourself in your bathtub/hang yourself with your own shoelaces/participate in some other equally self-destructive behavior, and this increases our risk of getting sued.</p>

<p>We are confident that your undergraduate studies will be highly successful, just not at our school, because you're not of the same caliber as our high-achieving individuals. In all seriousness--we will be surprised if you get accepted to any college at all. In conclusion, we wish you luck with the rest of your life, even though we really don't give a ****.</p>

<p>(Enter lengthy and highly impersonal, ridiculously generic, pointless information so you can speculate as to your own personal worth, which, after reading this letter, is next to nothing.)</p>

<p>Sincerely,</p>

<p>The School of Your Dreams That is WAY Too Good For You, You Waste-of-Time Applicant</p>

62

<p>Front of the Envelope: "CONGRATULATIONS!"
Inside the envelope:
PSYCHE!!! Wow, hey, thanks for giving us all a laugh here at the admissions office! With all the stress coming from all these highly qualified applicantions to consider, it was a big relief to just be able to throw yours in the trash and laugh manically! We considered burning it in effigy, but then we thought, hey, why not SEND IT BACK TO HIM? So we've included a copy of your app, complete with annotations of all the places in which we thought that you were a complete moron!
Really though, we are glad that you considered yourself smart enough to be able to come to our school. There really aren't that many people with your condition that have the moxy to be able to do that. However, though we don't want you to lose your self esteem, no matter how far from the truth it may be, we do reccommend that you begin considering a more realistic path in life, such as a bagger at Krogers, a professional towel boy...all these jobs would suit your ability perfectly! But don't be discouraged! Even if you DO have the IQ of a 3 year old, just remember, God loves you all the same, you adowable widdle moron, you!
Sincerely,
University of ______</p>