Letter to Roommate

Applying to College
1

<p>Hey guys, this is for the "Letter to future roommate" in the Stanford Supplement? I would really appreciate it if you could quickly read it and give me some feedback. Thanks!!!</p>

<p>Dear future roommate,
I believe that nothing in life is guaranteed except two things: death and our friendship. How do I know the latter? It’s simple. If I’m “a” and you’re “c” and “b” is our time together as destined roommates, then according to the Transitive Property, you and I are guaranteed to be friends.
As I’m sure you can see, I’m always open to a good laugh and hearty smile, even if it’s derived from a lame math reference (this one was much more subtle). I believe that worry is a waste of an emotion and try to make any and all situations lighter. I’m a guy who is very easy to talk to so feel free to come to me with any questions, whether it be about high level calculus or your latest girl problems (no promises on the outcome of my relationship advice). I do have to admit, however, that I am guilty of loud and obnoxious sleep talking and hope that any top secret information that leaks out through this fault remains between the two of us.
As a forewarning, you will probably be woken up many early mornings for I am somewhat into music. As I have been playing the piano for 13 years and the trumpet for 9, I have no intentions to stop, even if it means annoying everyone in our dorm building. I apologize in advance if my high register trumpeting interferes with your studies or if my piano’s major and minor harmonies keeps you awake (that is, if I can fit a grand piano between our bunk beds and night stands). On top of all of this, I also listen to music of all kinds, including jazz, reggae, hip-hop, and rap, all of which I sing or hum along to. I hope that you will join me in one of my glorious singing sessions, although my average lyric accuracy remain around 52.4%, even lower for rap.
The most important thing that you should know about me is that I am understanding. If you accidentally eat my leftover burrito in the fridge, I’d rather you tell me the truth than try to keep it a secret. Although I’ll still make you buy me a new burrito, I will eat it knowing that you are a good and honest roommate and friend.</p>

2

<p>To be honest, it’s a little wordy and lacks focus on the main point in the first paragraph, which you opine as “you and I are guaranteed to be friends”. For example, some minor revisions to the first paragraph…</p>

<p>“Nothing in life is guaranteed except for death and our friendship. How do I know the latter? It’s simple. If I’m “a” and you’re “c” and “b” is our time together, then according to the transitive property, we are guaranteed to be friends.”</p>

<p>This is not to say that the content in the first paragraph is strong either. If you are going to say that you’re going to be friends, then “woken up many early mornings” is not something that makes the statement credible. </p>

<p>Overall, I believe your essay could see a lot of improvement.</p>