<p>Yes, it's very early for parents to be worrying about this, but mine are. </p>
<p>I live in Houston, Texas and am looking to places very far away. My parents cannot fathom at all as to why since they are the staunch southern type. However, I'm sure I'm going leave Houston. It's not because of my parents at all; they're fantastic. It just doesn't seem right to spend the next four years where they would like me to (Rice).</p>
<p>Anyway, my parents are surprisingly shaken up, even my usually impassive dad. So as many of you parents are letting go or have already, what was something your child did leading up to or while at college that help eased the separation anxiety. Is there anything you would have liked them to have done? (Btw, staying is not an option :) )</p>
<p>Try to be a total pain in the butt in the 6 weeks leading up to your leaving.</p>
<p>My wife and d. spent the last two months making a going-away quilt together. I wrote and published an article about her leaving, and had a set of inscribed coffee mugs made. We allowed ourselves to celebrate and mourn at the same time, before she left, and it made it a lot easier (we miss her deeply all the same).</p>
<p>Do NOT call too often in the first month. It is better for us to know that you are navigating well, than to feel like we have to be there daily (or every other day) to help you work through stuff. We would help, of course, but we'd project our own difficulty in adjusting on to you. You are allowed to get homesick - two months in - but give us a chance to deal with our own separation loss. We will always be there for you.</p>
<p>My son is further away than I suspect you will be, he is 11,000+ miles from "home." Before he left we talked- the whole family- about what we would miss about one another. One of the things my son brought to our home was his piano music. On the day he left he gifted us with a CD of his "greatest hits" which he had made with his piano teacher. Not only the music, but also the reality that he cared enough to think about our feelings during his time of tremendous excitement, were very meaningful to us. Beyond this, I have to say it really helps that he sounds chipper and upbeat even when I wake him with phone calls. Finally, it is reassuring that although he is far, far away, he is in a very, very safe place- much safer than where we live in fact..</p>
<p>My advice would be the opposite of Mini's; but this is a internet forum and you will get differing opinions . I needed my son to call in the first few days and weeks. I tend to be the type who anguishes over a problem or a situation for much longer than others; I have a one-track mind and cannot forget it. After a few weeks, the solution and the situation works itself out of my system so that I don't think about it again. So even though my son did not call, I wanted him to very badly in the first 4-5 days. I was worried if he would like the college and environment. We had done our due-diligence but not as much as other parents on this forum. I don't know how he knew this but he was receptive to my calls. Now it has calmed down, so that I don't call him and he doesn't call me. We IM sometimes late at night.</p>
<p>Actually, from my tone you can make out, I am somewhat like your parents. I needed more hand-holding than my son! He is a confident, eager young lad out to prove himself in the world!</p>
<p>Really good comments . Are you an only child or have siblings? We were much more generous with allowing our first two to pursue a college of their choice. We would allow all our 4 children to attend whatever college they like wherever they like but would actively lobby for the younger two to attend a college closer to home.
What you need to think about is your relationship and future relationship with your parents.Really think about your family ties and what they mean to you. It is difficult to maintain a close attachment financially if you settle far away. You may want to promise coming back after college to find a job there and settle there. Saying little things like, ' I could NEVER raise my family anywhere but here" could go a long way to allay their fears. But what is important is you have to mean it. Also, just to mention, investigate colleges closer to home too. You may find the college of your dreams nearby!
One other thing, some people do not feel close to where they live because they are not involved in the area. Think about what really interests you, - for me it was history. Even when I was in my early 20's I was doing volunteer work at Valley Forge and other historical parks and trekking all over the place to antique shops and spending significant time outdoors physically examining bunkers and abuttments.What I didn't know at the time was, this was sowing the seeds of a personal attachment to the area that would never leave me. Like if you have an interest in museums start volunteering at one locally and go to some auctions, or if you are interested in biology find a wildlife center to volunteer.Go pick up litter or plant a tree and TAKE CARE OF IT. Doing these things will establish a personal relationship with the area which over time will become important to you. Have a nice day!</p>
<p>Somewhere along about 9th grade, D gave us the most poignant set-piece speech about wanting to go to school in the Northeast. "I don't want it to be like medieval times when you're born, grow up, get married, have children, and die in the same small village." Leaving aside the question of Southern California as a small village, we understood her point...I think she had been bracing for resistance.</p>
<p>So off to the Northeast she is. We evolved a comfortable zone of communication. Fir the first couple of weeks, she was calling fairly often and now calls every week or so. E-mails and a bit of IM's fill in the gaps. </p>
<p>Do we miss her? Of course. But she seems to be having the best of all college experiences <em>for her</em>--TheMom and I think she's doing better than we did--and it was absolutely wonderful to see her when she did come home. </p>
<p>And it prepares us for the future. I can already see that her career choices may aim her towards the East coast. Well...at least she'll be living in interesting places to visit.</p>
<p>As a parent, there are times to bite one's lip and realize that it's now your student's life, not yours. If you've done your job right, you've been working years for them to be able to live their own lives well, including making decisions...and even the occasional mistake.</p>
<p>"My advice would be the opposite of Mini's"</p>
<p>Me, too. At our school's parent's orientation (yeah, really), they asked that we keep in contact at least early on to see how the kids are doing and be supportive as they go though all the new experiences. We've spent quite a bit of time making sure my son can count on us when he needs us, even if it's only by phone or AIM. </p>
<p>Great advice, because we probably would have given him too much room to be on his own otherwise. In some ways we've become closer and we've managed to help him through some rough times, well at least more than we would have expected from a male child. :D</p>
<p>Born and raised in CA, we hoped that our children would have the option of attending college out of state...if nothing else, for the experience of meeting students from different states and other countries. Besides, D1 was tired of the CA summers...she claims that it is "overrated." :)</p>
<p>My S was out of the house, working at a summer camp this past summer before starting college. Since he essentially moved out in June, it made the move to college in September much easier. </p>
<p>Like another poster, having CDs of him playing guitar really helps. I miss hearing him play guitar in the morning before leaving for school. Now that I have his CDs in the car, a CD in the stereo at home, and can listen to him online, I think I get enough of his music ;-)</p>
<p>Unlike some of the other posters, my son lives only 15 minutes away. It is close by, but the fact remains that he is away at college. We do IM, phone, and get together on occassion.</p>
<p>To the OP: Some schools have parent groups for the students coming from farther away to help parents with the difficulties that come with longer commutes. This summer, five of the eight BU TX families met in Houston to get acquainted. It was hosted by the families of some upperclassmen, and they had great information as for what to expect. (There is also a group for "Western" students at the uni)</p>
<p>We are about three hours south of you, and my son is in PA, my second has applied to east and west coast schools! I utilize the IM frequently, but I let him initiate the contact if he sees that I am "on-line." I also try to send things in the mail a few times per month. </p>
<p>I am glad he's enjoying his college experience, but I am also glad he'll be home on the 10th!</p>
<p>We lived in GA and let our oldest go to PA. Then we moved to Germany, and let our second go to NYC. I told my D (last child) that she can go anywhere she wants, as long as I can be her roommate. She just rolls her eyes. (She's at that age.)</p>
<p>Our D was always very close to us. I drove her to school for last 10 or
so years and she opens up and tells me everything while in the car. She
is now in college, but calls us everyday. She basically updates us on
everything happened last 24 hours. Exams, lectures, concerts, trips,
friends, etc. In a way we don't feel she is far away. She wants
our opinion on most things, including selecting classes and where to go
in the weekend. We are careful not to run her life, but discuss these
things like any good friend would.
After several discussions last week she did her spring registration for
Chemistry (she is premed), Psychology, Seminar on religion, and
Poetry workshop; a good combination I think.</p>
<p>binx- Ha! My mother asks me if she could stay with me in my room overnight if my roommate moves out by the time she takes me home for the holidays! I roll my eyes too. it's like... "Mooooommmm."</p>
<p>Oh thank you so much for your responses, they are very helpful. Luckily I have a younger brother, so my parents won't feel so lonely (I hope).</p>
<p>Although, my mother has become slightly more reasonable... She's willing to move to whichever city my future college is in :P</p>
<p>I don't know what I'm going to try. Obviously I'm going to call my parents from college, but I don't do instruments or the like, so there's nothing quite physical I can leave them.</p>
<p>OVer the next few months, your parents will have time to adjust to your going away. In the meantime, try to build some memories. Some parents put together a collage of pictures of their child for him or her to bring to college. You and your parents can do something similar if you already do not have a good photo album. One for you to take away, one for them to keep. Plan on a summer tip together before college, do things together on weekends. Remind them that you will be only a phone call away; you can invest in the type of gizmo that allows you to be seen as you talk (other parents know what it is, I have not used it).</p>
<p>I somewhat disagree with my spouse (Mini), I think communication is great and I would have liked to hear from my d a bit more in the first few weeks. Our older d. has always been a reluctant phone user and she rarely checks her phone messages. I would suggest be in reasonable contact for your family.
In our family, we "arranged" to have our younger d have major health problems and for me to go to nursing school at the same time my older d left for college cross country. As much as that distracted me from worrying about the older one, I don't recommend it. Tell your brother.
Good luck, and let them know you love them.</p>
<p>I love to tease my youngins' that I'm considering going back to school and getting an off-campus condo that I'd be happy to share with them. I think they're secretly horrified that I might be half serious :) </p>
<p>Robyrm- What a wonderful and thoughtful gesture on your S's part to present you with a CD! Sounds like you've raised a very caring young man.</p>
<p>Get a family cell phone plan and call your parents frequently the first few months. You have to realize that this is a big adjustment for us - 18 years of fulltime parenting and then ...... a whole lot of free time. I'm sure your parents will adjust fine, but you might want to talk with them about some of the hobbies or interests that they can start to pursue while you are off galavanting in the the far east coast.
(FWIW - DD is at Rice and just loving it )</p>