<p>I've been lurking here for a long time and thought that you might be the group of parents to help me gain perspective on something. I apologize in advance because this all definitely sounds like whining!</p>
<p>Here goes:</p>
<p>My son is a senior at a well-regarded college-prep school in the Midwest. He has taken a rigorous course load with honors and AP courses. He has very average EC's because he has worked 20 hours per week for about 18 months, but he has been very involved with a few things.</p>
<p>Son was doing very well in school, with grades improving each semester when he got a 3.85 unweighted gpa in first semester junior year. His overall GPA was a 3.75. Then son decided that there were other things (video games, facebook, etc) that were more important than studying and his final semester grades for his junior year dropped to a 3.3 and his overall to a 3.69. He got a 34 on the ACT in April.</p>
<p>Now in every college presentation we went to last spring the admissions counselors empahsized that it is very important to keep from letting your grades slide like that and I am very worried about that. I guess son did not take that to heart. In fact, he is still unconcerned that he has probably closed down many of his college options, as finances are going to be an major factor in his college choices and he won't be on the scholarship track any longer (if he ever was). Most of his top picks will be out of our reach financially without merit aid. Most likely, he will be limited to one of our very fine state schools because it is what he can afford.</p>
<p>Now none of this is even close to the end of the world. Son will go to a nice school, graduate eventually, get a job, etc, etc. I know that what I need to do, as a parent, is to get over being disappointed and frustrated that this whole college thing is going to be so much harder than it had to be. It is just getting to that point that is so hard! </p>
<p>The hardest thing may be trying not to feel responsible for his slacking off a bit during his senior year, and perhaps having to deal with all of the parents of the fast-track kids in your well-regarded college-prep school when they brag about all the schools their kids will be attending. :rolleyes:
I doubt that you will still feel bad once your son is actually attending his college. He'll have a lot of options at a strong state school. He'll meet a lot of new people--- and he'll be close to home! If he plans on finding employment in your state, going to a good state school may actually be an advantage, as he'll be able to use the alumni association to network with other grads in the local industries.
Your son will be fine. Do try to squelch that disappointment. It sounds like you have a very normal, bright, good guy. Help him explore the schools where he is likely to be admitted, and really explore those. Get excited about those possibilities, buy the sweatshirt, support the sports teams where he choses to go, and help him make the most of it. He's obviously a capable student. My bet is that he will come away from his state university a much more mature and focused young man, ready to meet the world head-on.</p>
<p>Thanks, Cronie. I think that if I just avoid the school's 'mother's guild' I'll be ok. Thanks for making me laugh at myself. It is just what I needed. </p>
<p>I'll come back and read this often...like a few minutes ago when I was copying son's transcript for the 'good student' insurance discount and my temperature started to rise! It's all in the perspective.</p>
<p>S- cyber hug. This parenting stuff is so tough.</p>
<p>First of all, don't assume that it's over. A strong showing first semester of senior year, in a presumably tough college prep program will go a long way towards showing that this is not a kid in a death spiral. I don't know if your son wants to have that strong showing- but it's only August by my watch!</p>
<p>Second, I think it's important to communicate to your kid that you love him for WHO he is and not for WHAT he achieves. You don't really know how he feels about his drop in grades- you're the last person he'll tell- so your being loving and supportive about his college search is an important message for him. The truth -- you have no idea what would be the best possible match for him in terms of environment, costs, location etc- and so the fact that there may be a couple of schools he now needs to drop from his list may or may not be a bad thing- all things considered.</p>
<p>I also wouldn't discount the impact that a letter from his current supervisor might have on his application. 20 hours a week is not a trivial commitment to a job for a kid in a demanding school- especially if his peers don't work or don't have financial considerations. Your GC ought to be able to advise you.</p>
<p>And what sort of feedback loop went on last semester with his teachers and counselors? At my kids religious HS (considered rigorous college prep) the faculty would have been beating my kids up regularly. (figuratively- they teach and practice non-violence.) Do you have any insights as to how his slacking off was perceived, and do they have any suggestions on how to approach the college search???</p>
<p>I'm all in favor of avoiding the school's 'mother's guild' at all times no matter what school your kid is going to! </p>
<p>Kids are going to do their own thing and it is sometimes going to cause us pain and break our hearts because we know that "if only she/he'd done it some other way, it would have worked out better." I'm going through this myself right now with my daughter and it's very hard. Remember: their lives are leading them in directions we can't even imagine and good things are coming to them no matter what, and sometimes "mistakes" lead right to the gold.</p>
<p>Been there, done that- aren't sons wonderful? Do you know which level college HE is interested in- the best way to light the fire is to let him know the expectations of his favorite college, if any. Otherwise you can just vent like the rest of us.</p>
<p>I agree with all the good thoughts expressed here but I guess I also have a bit of momma kick-butt in me (!!) and wonder if perhaps this student has too much unregulated time on the pc? That is quite a drop in gpa in a very short time. With his grades making such a dramatic downturn, what have been his family consequences? I'd suggest no pc gaming during the school week until he brings grades up to previous levels. With privledges come responsibilities. Oh, I can't believe I am typing this!! But some kids get sucked into the gaming/facebook whirl and it would be really disastrous if he takes these habits to college with him and really gets himself into a bind.</p>
<p>Not saying he will--just offering another point of view. I have a wonderful son who needed some rules about gaming and he now (at his dream college) admits it. And still loves me. And still loves gaming. :)</p>
<p>Starting college in-state with the possibility of transferring once S shows that he's serious about learning is another option. Staying local for a few years will also allow S & you more time to save for future ed expenses. </p>
<p>My D attended local community college as a freshman in what would have been her senior year in HS (she was forced from her elite HS after her junior year because of health-related absences and related poor grades) & was admitted to the only U she applied to as a 2nd semester sophomore transfer. We're all very excited for her.</p>
<p>What am I saying? Who is to know what our kids' futures will bring. At some point, we need them to take responsibility for their lives. I have tried to have a light a hand in their scheduling and pacing as possible, since in college they will be setting their own rules. I know that some folks say that we need to take a more active role until the kids' have better judgment, but I would rather they make mistakes when the consequences are less dire than later when more hangs in the balance.</p>
<p>Such great support from everyone. Thanks so much!</p>
<p>Blossom, thanks for the reminder that I don't really know what is going on in son's head or his heart. He isn't one to share, but I'm sure he's concerned too. As far as the school goes, there was no indication from the school that there was a problem. He got great grades in the classes he cared about and then let the rest slide.</p>
<p>Thinking about this, there may have been one factor that has contributed to son's attitude toward school. One of his best friends (and car pool buddy) left school near the end of the first semester last year because he was so unhappy with the prep-school social scene and felt so out of place. While my son doesn't mention it much, I imagine that losing his daily dose of this very good friend changed school quite a bit for my not-so-social kid. </p>
<p>MadBean, I agree that there should be controls on the amount of 'electronic entertainment' for younger kids and they were in place when son was in middle school and early high school. But as an 18 year-old (with a job and a 1996 Chevy station wagon donated by grandma), I think that he needs to be control of how he spends his time. As a consequence for not taking full advantage of the privilege of attending a great private school, son was given the choice of going to the local public school for his senior year or working full-time (and then some) over the summer and paying half of his private school tuition. He chose the latter and was successful. </p>
<p>I want to thank you all for your insight. As hard as it is, I guess it is time for us to step back and let son chart his own path and learn from his own mistakes. Now if I can just remember to bite my tongue.... </p>
<p>well, managing party time on the pc ie facebook, social settings is just as impt as managing it off the pc. My kids were required by their college to get laptops, so now instead of the inconvenience of having to come to our den (a public spot) to use the pc to do online socializing, it is there 24/7 and has been the biggest distraction in college. Learning to manage and schedule social pc time is very impt....before you get to college. it can be just as addictive as alchohol or cigarettes....not to mention other things on teh internet that are harmful.</p>
<p>I think a last semester slight slide is fine....flunking a course or something like that....not. he'll be ok in the end. kids retreat to their homes where they feel safe....so sometimes if they aren't out there socializing there may be very good reasons, substance abuse, alchohol, sex, juve behavior....</p>
<p>Sorry if my post seemed too strongly worded, S1732. My concern was for kids who become more addicted to their escape/relaxation online use than they realize and who have a very hard time turning it off. I admire your S tremendously for working to help pay for his private education and making that choice in the first place. Being conscious of the pitfalls of last semester, he can use that same determination to rebound this year In fact, any upward swing in grades might just be something about which he can write a short additional essay and demonstrate his recent maturity. </p>
<p>It's true 18-year olds are young adults, but then research shows the judgement center of the brain doesn't fully mature until age 25. This is what keeps us parents pulling out hair.</p>
<p>No worries, MadBean. You are very wise. I think that addiction to the online social scene is exactly what happened to my son. And he is in danger of it happening again because the electronic world is the one he escapes to. Hopefully, we can use this year to work on some strategies to deal with it before he heads off on his own.</p>
<p>My son is very proud that he was able to work this summer and save the money for his high school tuition. The interestng thing is that I recently lost my job, so now the need for those funds is real and he knows it. He has mentioned that it feels different to be earning money that 'counts' rather than for his own personal use. So...fingers crossed...this will be one of those 'life lessons' that sticks!</p>
<p>So now son has been looking at different ways to finance his education. He's thinking that ROTC might be an option, but needs to do some more homework on that... </p>
<p>We discovered during his freshman year that S sincerely believed he could study Calculus while talking online with the girlfriend (HS senior). The book was open for hours, he had a pencil in his hand, he was doing problem sets.
He got to take Calculus again..... that was many years ago and the distractions are even worse now. Heck, you can spend the first 45 minutes you are in the library building a playlist for your Itunes just for tonight's study session. Not to mention messages from the cute kid at the next table and updating your Twitter every 15 minutes. (or has the Twitter thing come and gone already?)</p>