LGBT and roommates at UF

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Florida
1

<p>For reference: Male, Gay, Not out yet</p>

<p>So I plan on attending UF this fall and I will live on campus. Since I don't know many people that are attending UF (well I do but they're female) I will have to get a random roommate (or however that works). I am not out yet but I would like to come out during college So I am wondering what is general attitude of UF students towards LGBT people and what are the chances of me getting a roommate that is homophobic or not comformtable with a LGBT person?. I assume that homophobia would be a good reason to get a roommate change but I don't want to draw that much attention to myself and make a big deal out of it. Also I presume that UF has some LGBT clubs but I am not really interested in joining them since like I said I don't want to draw a lot of attention to myself (even after I come out).</p>

<p>Also for those of you that will attend or are attending UF, how would you feel if you had a roommate that was attracted to same sex? (not searching for a roommate on here but just trying to see how others would react)</p>

<p>Thanks</p>

2

<p>Personally, I would not care if my roommate was LGBT since it’s their lifestyle and I frankly feel its whatever. I would hope that the general consensus of everyone at college would be like “No one cares” type of attitude and you choose and pick what you want to do or who you hang out with.</p>

<p>I plan on entering UF in the Summer and I would hope my roommates weren’t homophobic, because I believe that being homophobic is very ignorant and narrow-minded. College is about opportunity and discovering yourself, so enjoy! Hope this helped a little and good luck to you! :)</p>

3

<p>UF is a very LGBT friendly community.</p>

<p>whether you get a bad roommate is still pretty much chance. you might get a homophobe, and a lot of people might be sort of uncomfortable at first, but in either case i think it’ll present a growing opportunity for the other roommate. i imagine the average person who’s apprehensive just because he’s never been in that situation will realize its not a big deal after about the second week.</p>

<p>i don’t think they’ll permit a roommate change because they don’t want to room with a gay guy. i think that would get all over the newspaper if that happened. maybe they would find some other silly reason as an excuse, but in either case they wont get a switch until about 3 months into the semester at the earliest. they’ll have plenty of time to move on.</p>

4

<p>I hope you will be able to find a good roommate! </p>

<p>Good Luck at UF and hope to see you around campus.</p>

5

<p>You may want to tell your room mate before you get on campus so he can change if he wants. I know I would want a change (no offense, just would be uncomfortable) and I’m sure others would be too.</p>

<p>It’s different knowing and respecting the guy for his sexual preference but living is a whole other situation…</p>

6

<p>he cant change if he wants. he can apply to change, but they wont move him until a long after they’ve settled in.</p>

7

<p>Well if it was me, I would fight till I was changed or move out & take a loss of the money. I’m sure I’m not the only one who would do the same.</p>

8

<p>@jcold9 As much as I want to respect your position, your view personally bothers me a lot since it just shows intolerance and irrational homophobia. I know it probably isn’t your fault that you have this view, you were probably raised in an environment that promoted such. </p>

<p>I just want you to realize that LGBT people are no different than regular (whatever that means) people, they just like different thing than you. I hope the reason that you don’t feel comfortable with LGBT isn’t because you have a immature idea that a gay guy will like you or something stupid. If that is the case I simply pose this: You don’t automatically like every girl that you see and every girl you see doesn’t automatically like you? and I assume that you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable rooming with a girl that isn’t your girlfriend/no plan to be your girlfriend and if you are then I will just say that is rather sad.</p>

<p>Now I will say that it is possible that you have some actual ‘good reasons’ why you don’t feel comfortable with LGBT people but I sincerely doubt it.</p>

9

<p>Lol… I think it’d be pretty funny if the two got assigned as roommates</p>

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<p>jcold, you don’t hate everyone that likes chocolate ice cream because you like vanilla, do you?</p>

10

<p>I wouldn’t worry about it Areacar, you’re going to run into ignorant people your whole life, whether it’s your sexuality or your choice in a vehicle and they won’t “approve”. It’s just something you’ll have to deal with. It’s up to you if you want to tell your roommate, I suppose since there are people who would freak out so I would encourage telling them.</p>

11

<p>It’s not that I HATE gay people, I just couldn’t feel comfortable rooming and living with someone who likes guys. I wanna be able to change in my own room and not have to worry about the guy staring at my junk. I don’t want to come home to find two guys hooking up in the bed next to me & having sex right near me. I don’t wanna make jokes that would offend a gay guy like I do sometimes. I don’t wanna avoid my room all year because I don’t feel comfortable in my OWN ROOM. No knock against the guy, let him be whoever he wants but I would never room with someone who goes the other way…</p>

<p>Fwiw, yes I was raised in a strong southern Kentucky home with strong Christian values & parents who grew up with the same values in believing that a relationship should be between a man and a women.</p>

12

<p>i wont resolve to name calling, but i think you overestimate the significance of living with someone who’s gay. apprehension is entirely reasonable, but i would bet money on it that you’d get over it real quick. you’ll realize he doesn’t stare at your junk every night when you go to sleep, and that he’s probably considerate enough to not do anything kinky while you’re around.</p>

<p>it would reflect poorly on the gator nation if you didn’t have the maturity to at least give it a chance. thats what college is all about.</p>

13

<p>lol jcold, all I’m going to say as advice is to take human sexuality and and religion courses with an open mind. While I’m not going to specifically bash you here, you’ll get a LOT less patience from people in a classroom setting if you keep your close minded views and announce them to the world, as it seems ignorant people were given a memo to do so at some point.</p>

<p>Outside that, don’t be so egotistical to think that every gay guy wants to sleep with every single other male. Would you sleep with every single woman you see?</p>

<p>edit: Have fun growing up by the way.</p>

14

<p>so I was just about to make this thread, lol, because I have almost the same problem and wondering about some things…
But, I’ve been doing some reading on this subject and I guess here’s some things I’ve learned:</p>

<p>The general consensus I got was to try to be more open about your sexuality as early as possible in college because you’ll be surprised how un-narrow minded people become once they gain their freedom from their parents who instill the “strong southern Kentucky home with strong Christian values & parents who grew up with the same values in believing that a relationship should be between a man and a women” (jcold8). Their minds start to open once they see the vast types of people at UF, since it is a huge school. And college is different than high school when concerning LGBT matters. BUT DON’T COME OUT UNTIL YOU’RE READY!! There’s a right time, place, and person whom you first come out to depending on how comfortable you are. Just know that I’ve heard many gay people regretting that they wish they came out sooner because it isn’t a problem. Please, I encourage you to come out because, trust me, it allows you some mobility and some room to breathe. It’s okay if you’re gay, and if you’re okay with it, so will others. </p>

<p>Now for the roommate issue - directed to all open-levels since there’s probably more than one level reading this - not just the OP - from closet, semi-open (me), to fully open. There’s two things you can do within the first couple of days you meet your new roommate: Tell them or not tell them. If you tell them first, and they’re not okay with it, then they or you can apply to change. They’ll get over it. I’m sure they will. Or if they are okay, then great! Just be sure to establish some boundaries with them, because not everyone reacts the same way: I’ve gotten blank stares, to people who didn’t believe it and thought I was lying, to people who’ve shut down and have ignored my existence since. Thankfully no one has attacked me because I’ve been extremely! careful at my school. But ask them along the lines of “are you okay with it/is it a problem?” Usually from experience and what I’ve read, once you come out to the other person/guy, he’s thinking how this affects him and not you. Think what’s going through his mind, which usually pertains to “crap, is he going to look at my junk? What if he starts making out with a guy? He just asked me if I’m okay with it, but am I really, I don’t know…” So what I would say is “just know that I will respect your boundaries, and if you would like to say or ask anything, please do so.” But there’s so many different scenarios that can happen…Just establish boundaries as any roommates would concerning laundry, quiet time, personal space, hygiene. The problem is boundaries/assurance, because some guys can get a little freaked out/awkward about it. </p>

<p>If you don’t tell them because you’re not comfortable with it, then that’s okay. You’re not ready. Just know that there might be some consequences down the line if he does have a problem with it. But get to know his position/values, which can be a little tricky at times. But from what I’ve learned is that most straight, masculine, closed minded guys are okay with it…on the outside. They won’t make a scene if you don’t - if that’s what you’re worried about. But like I said, every scenario is different and it can be tricky at times. You have to be okay and open to yourself before you start telling people who might not be okay with it. :)</p>

<p>edit: haha, I’ve read that if you’re not flamboyant, and are a masculine gay guy (like me), there’s a trick to meet other same, hard to find masculine gay guys if you don’t want to go to the LGBT clubs, etc: tell the girls. Usually they know the other gay guys through their talkative connections…I’m grateful to go to UF since it’s not a small school like my high school, where there are no gay guys like myself, let alone any gay guys.
But from experience, when you tell someone, don’t assume they won’t tell anyone. Some people can be very respectful about outing someone, but others won’t.</p>

15

<p>My son was in this situation at UF during summer A last year. His roomate told him that he was gay on the first day that they met, I guess to avoid future problems. He gave him a chance to ask questions. They had no problems. I was proud of my son for keeping an open mind and basing his decision on whether to like his roomate for how he acted and treated him, and not on his sexual preferences. They ended up getting along just fine and had no problems. They didn’t become great friends who hung out all the time , but they still talk on occasion.There are all types of people in this world. I hope you get a roomate with an open mind who judges you for you. It is really just luck of the draw. You could end up with someone who is a druggie, a slob, annoying as heck, or a great lifetime friend. It is all part of the great college experience. Be a person you are proud of and Good luck.</p>

16

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<p>Well, if other people would do it too, then it must be okay. </p>

<p>Really?</p>

<p>I’m proud to say that when my son came out to his roommate before fall semester started and his roommate requested a room change, the college told the roommate that if he was not mature and tolerant enough to room with a gay person, he was not mature and tolerant enough for their college. </p>

<p>That settled that nice and quickly.</p>

17

<p>As a gay student, I don’t necessarily agree with your criticisms of the person who would request a roommate change.</p>

<p>I normally don’t even bother telling my roommates that I’m gay (because I don’t think it should matter, and if it does matter, I think they should check my facebook), but he just recently found out kind of randomly, and he’s fine with it. But, when he found out, I told him that, if he wasn’t okay with it, I understood entirely if he didn’t want to room with me anymore. He, of course, declined this offer to change, and we are going to be roommates next year.</p>

<p>It’s kind of like I wouldn’t want to be roommates with a straight girl (who was attracted to me, anyway). It would just create awkward situations. I don’t think this person necessarily dislikes homosexual individuals, but, rather, he (probably) just feels the same way about this as I do about the situation with the straight girl.</p>

<p>I actually respect that he’s brave enough to say it. Everyone in this country seems to think that most people don’t like gay people because we haven’t legalized gay marriage. However, I find that most people are very accepting. (I’m not a UF student, though, so I don’t know what the situation is like there). In a world which is very defensive of homosexuals, it can be scary to admit something as reasonable as not wanting to room with a gay student, simply because of the criticism you can face as a result of such a confession.</p>

<p>Those are my thoughts, anyway, from the perspective of a gay student.</p>

18

<p>I do not agree with you that it’s “reasonable” to not want to room with a gay student. It is not now, nor has it ever been, “brave” to join in with the prejudiced majority when dealing with a minority. Even when the day comes that you and my son have full civil rights in every state in this nation, it will not be brave to refuse to share living space with either of you or any gay person. </p>

<p>Do you think it’s reasonable to not want to room with a Christian, a person of color, or someone from Italy? In other words, one of the many things college is about is learning to live with people who are different from you. </p>

<p>If gay people were know predators, that would be one thing but they are not and to treat them as such is deplorable. </p>

<p>In our case, the other student put up such a fuss that my son put in for a room change. At first the university denied the request but when my son met with housing and said he felt unsafe, they agreed. No one should have to learn how to live with a bigot.</p>

19

<p>What’s the difference between rooming with a gay guy & a straight girl? Why is it wrong & illegal to room with a girl but legal (and apparently perfectly normal and not a problem) to room with a gay guy?</p>

20

<p>i love how youre all getting offended at jcold’s comment, hes just telling the truth, i wouldnt want to room with a gay guy either, just cause itd be weird and i dont approve of that lifestyle, and remember its not normal to be gay so dont even try and say you were “born” gay, God made us all straight, at birth, man and woman are supposed to be together, not boy and boy or girl and girl.</p>