<p>I do not know if Smith is right for me. </p>
<p>I know that Smith has great dorms, academics, etc. but overall I still do not know how awesome it really is.</p>
<p>I heard about there is Lesbians Until Graduation at Smith. Since I am straight and deserve to be one, no offense, I do not want to be forced into this group. Does almost everyone are involved with this lesbian community?</p>
<p>I am a high school student who has had trouble with relationships with boys. I never had one, I guess, because my parents won't let me date until college. I want to be in a relationship with a guy, but since Smith is an all-women's college, I don't think that would be possible and that might have an impact on my social life.</p>
<p>Are the academic advisors there good?</p>
<p>Have you visited Smith? That would be my first recommendation. When dealing with very specialized environments like a women’s college, a visit is a very good way to get a feel for the place. </p>
<p>On to your questions: No, not everyone is involved with the lesbian community or bi-sexual community or the trans-gender community at Smith, but all of these communities are a part of the greater Smith community. An important part, I think. I’m straight, but all of my life I have struggled to be accepted by my peers for a number of reasons, one of the big ones being that I am bi-racial. I never felt like I fit in anywhere, I was always living at the margins of different communities in high school, clearly not in one crowd, but also not quite in other crowds. When I was looking for colleges, one of the things that made me excited about Smith was how accepted and open the gay community there was. Unfortunately many people think it’s more acceptable to be openly cruel and derogatory towards gay people than they are towards racial minorities. People who would pale at using the “n” word often don’t have a problem calling someone a “■■■” or saying that such and such a thing is “gay”. So the fact that a heavily marginalized community could feel safe being itself at Smith really made me feel more self-assured that I, (to quote my favorite poet) “being both non-white and woman” would fit in too. And I did. </p>
<p>Just like in greater society, most women at Smith identify as straight. But gay women are very accepted at Smith and allowed to be loud and proud as much as they want. And some women come to Smith and finally find a place where they’re comfortable exploring sexual identities that they’ve always had, but maybe not always admitted to. And some find wholly “new” sexual identities. If that makes you really uncomfortable, if you’ve never spent a lot of time around “out” women, you might find Smith a bit of a shock. Not all shocks are bad though. </p>
<p>You can have a relationship with a guy and attend Smith. It’s a college, not a convent. THere are guys around, girls date, they go to parties and hook up (not so much what I’d recommend, but it’s done), they meet people of the opposite sex through theater and music and dance and other Five-College activities. That being said, if having a boyfriend is a part of college you’re really looking forward to, and if it’s a real priority for you (which is fine), then you should probably not look at women’s colleges. It’s totally possible to meet your future boyfriend at a women’s college, but it’s not as easy. </p>
<p>The advising at Smith is amazing. Most of the advisors are really good and really dedicated to their students. Also the Career Development Offiec in my opinion is second to none.</p>
<p>I’m also going to add that when I visited Smith, I was stunned at how NOT gay the campus was. I had been reading so much about the lesbians at Smith, whether in books or online, and had braced myself for a pretty intense environment. When I got there, I was shocked at how many of the girls weren’t gay. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less what your sexual preference is, but somehow, I had expected Smith’s lesbians to be much more intense than they were. They are definitely present and vocal, but not nearly as bad as some people make it out to be.</p>
<p>I think the simplest way to explain most Smithies’ relation to the LGBT community on campus is this - you certainly don’t have to be LGBT to succeed/make friends/fit in at Smith. You do, however, have to be fairly supportive of the LGBT community. There’s a difference between being not used to seeing public displays of affections by same-sex couples and being strongly and vocally against gay rights.</p>
<p>For other factors, I think visiting, if you can, would be most helpful. Seeing how well you’ll fit in socially, whether people there are people you’d like to spend time with, etc. The academics, advising and career services at Smith are top-notch; it’s more about whether or not they’re best for you.</p>
<p>As usual, S&P’s response essentially sums up everything you need to know. But, as an added note, there isn’t a group of Lesbians Until Graduation, and no one will force you to be one. Some straight-identified women choose to date other women while at Smith; others don’t. If you aren’t attracted to women, don’t worry about it–no one will force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. That said, be aware that “LUG” is often considered an offensive term, and I don’t know anyone who willingly identifies as such.</p>
<p>I think one of the good things about a women’s college is that the academics are not complicated by the boy-girl dynamic. Classes are classes, parties parties: you don’t worry in classes (except, I suppose, if you’re gay, but I can’t speak to that) about your impact on some person you’re attracted to; your behavior in classes isn’t dictated by perceptions of how men and women should behave. As an alum who hadn’t had much experience with guys before I got to Smith, it was a great relief to get away from all that. I met a few guys during my first couple years at Smith, but my junior year away I met a guy I later married. For me, it was really important to find my own comfort zone before I tried to date seriously, and one of the wonderful things about Smith is that it is a truly accepting society–all that high-school crap just falls away. You get to be your own person–a smart person! as smart as you want to be!–without the nonsense of sexual politics. </p>
<p>And I’m still in contact with one of my major advisors–and you know, I’d bet if I ran into my other major advisor, and reminded him, he’d remember me.</p>
<p>BTW I also think focusing on sexual orientation as Smith’s main form of diversity overlooks how divers it is in many other ways. I am amazed at the range of different places and cultures my D’s friends come from which has been an exciting and expanding part of her experience at Smith. We come form a very liberal city and she went to a very liberal HS so the LBGT diversity issue was not a big deal for her but this was the first time I think she was in a really culturally diverse community which she is really enjoying.</p>
<p>So, you’re saying that Smith would be good for me if I don’t want to judged by young men. At my high school, the boys here are just mean. They judge you by your looks and sometimes, how much money you have. It’s just kills self-esteem at times. </p>
<p>I would love to go to a school where I won’t be judged cruelly by boys or anyone as shallow as that. But I also don’t want to go to a school where I don’t see guys at all.</p>
<p>And about the boyfriend. I can wait. Everytime I try to search for a boyfriend, my grades drop, A LOT. Also, from experience with my friends, sometimes when you’re too desperate for a guy, the guy you get isn’t so great.</p>
<p>Esmee, college is NOT high school. Because everyone starts at ground zero, with no history, maturity finally kicks in, and students act more reasonably. Of course you’ll meet judgmental people – and that will be the case throughout your life – but all that high school pettiness will be gone. Whichever college you pick, make sure it is primarily, if not exclusively, residential. Colleges with large commuter populations tend not to be as tight, and the younger students tend to act like high schoolers for longer, perhaps because they are still living at home.</p>
<p>Whether Smith is right for you depends on a number of factors, both academic and social. If you haven’t already visited, I urge you to do that in the fall when classes are in session so you can sit in on a few. Arrange for an overnight with a Gold Key member so you can see what house life is like. If you like that glimpse, you’ll probably love Smith.</p>