Living Together During College

Hi,

So I am transferring to a four year college after completing my two year degree this summer. My current boyfriend is transferring to the same college. Here’s the problem.

He really wants to get an apartment together. Neither of us know anyone there, he doesn’t want roommates that are loud, and he just generally wants to live with me. As much as I want to, I have a gut feeling against it. I’ve read all the articles about how everyone is against it, and it freaks me out.

We’ve only been dating for 5 months, but he’s literally been there for me through everything. I had knee surgery a few days after we met. He came over to my house at least once a week, when my “best friends” never texted me once. He helped me through getting over the fear of walking and got me back on my feet. Shortly after that, I told him about my depression and anxiety, and he helped me as much as he could. Since there wasn’t really much he could do to help with that, he supported everything I did to try to fight it. Then I started telling him about my family problems and how I don’t like to be home. So whenever were both free, he just lets me come to his house. So most of the time that I’m not at school or work, I’m with him, usually at his house.

I’ve even talked to him about this. He thinks that nothing bad will happen to us if we move in together. It stresses me out to no end, because I feel like living together will end our relationship, and I would like for it to last for awhile. Plus, what if we do live together, break up, and one of us starts bringing other guys/girls in? Although it would save some money rather than living alone, and anxiety of living with complete strangers if we did live together.

I don’t know what to do.

If you don’t want to, don’t live with him. Saving money on rent and finding him a quiet room mate are not your responsibility.

Listen to your inner voice. It usually never steers you wrong.

I would say no, don’t do it.
If you limit your social life to him, it will be harder to feel like you are part of your college community. If you live with others, you will meet other people.

Also, if you break up, you are stuck with the lease.

Not sure if there is on campus housing, but if you can live on campus that would be good for your first time living at college as you would have Resident Assistance help if needed.

Talk to your parents…you can always “blame” it on them.

The general consensus is it takes 18 months (ish) in reach the stage of a relationship where you are no longer functioning on infatuation endorphines. If you are still together after 18 months/2 years you would be in a more stable relationship. I would suggest waiting until at least next school year to consider the moving in together scheme. I can certainly see the allure of making this big transition eith someone your are familiar with, but I think it is far too soon. Trust your gut.

Here’s your answer: “As much as I want to, I have a gut feeling against it. I’ve read all the articles about how everyone is against it, and it freaks me out.”

As much as I’m supportive of couples living together at some point in their relationship before marriage, 5 months is too early especially when starting a new school where ideally you want to meet new people and become engaged in the community.

No, don’t live with him at college. He is helpful and the relationship is new. But this sound a little controlling. You both need to room to grow. Keep dating as long as the relationship is positive but have your own space so that you can focus on school.

I recommend you live on campus. I recommend he live on campus, also, but he can do whatever works best for him. I also recommend that you visit the counseling center on campus within the first week to touch base and have a contact there to help you with any concerns that come up. It is not good for him to serve as your counselor.

I agree with everyone else, and the idea to get a counselor is excellent. My daughter’s counselor is not only there to help her work through her feelings, but offers practical suggestions when it comes to “adulting.” I am really thankful for the woman. And thankful that my daughter is willing to ask for help!