I’m 18 and I’m thinking of dorming with my long-term boyfriend (~2 years).
Pros: We could consolidate our beds and have more space, as well as agree on pets and things like that to have in the dorm.
Cons: Obviously, a break up. Different living preferences. Etc.
As a compromise, I was thinking maybe requesting a triple and seeing if we can get a mutual friend to also dorm with us, so that we’re not stuck only with each other and we have another, neutral party to interact and split costs with.
*This will all be in a dorm, mind you. The school allows requests and co-ed.
I’d hate to be that other person 3rd wheeling it in a triple.
I have no qualms about cohabitating in general but I think at the start of college is not the right time. You’ll both be going through plenty of life changes. Not worth the risk as you’ll have plenty of opportunity to spend time together anyway.
Sounds awful for the friend. Who wants to have a chance of walking in on something sexual at any moment? Normally the offending party would go home eventually, but now they’re there permanently.
Freshman year can be a very stressful time for most students. You are adapting to a new environment both socially and academically. You are juggling many new responsibilities. In my view, adding the stress of living together with a boyfriend for the first time would be a mistake.
While the ideal of living together is exciting, it is also a lot of work and compromise for both parties. It can be stressful at times until you find the right balance that works. I don’t cave how much you love each other, moving in together is a big relationship transition that takes adjusting to. Add to the mix of sharing a such a small space where it is difficult to have any private space can be tough.
Another concern is that you would be overly focused on this new stage of your relationship (which you should be normally) and not focusing enough on transitioning to college life which should be a higher priority initially.
Whatever you decide, I would forget the triple idea. Who wants to share a bedroom with a couple? Would you?
I would consider waiting to sophomore or junior and get an apartment together. That gives you time to establish yourself socially and academically in your new school.
What college are you going to? Will the college even allow this? I know some colleges like Georgia State University allow for students of different genders to room together. But that’s not the norm as far as I know.
Lots of places allow mixed gender. Most of my neighbors are coed.
Just make sure you don’t blow your money. That way, you can move out if you need to. Pick a door that has roommate switching, so you can switch out if things get bad. Although, would they switch you with a male or female?
Yeah, it is simpler to have separate places. Just having 4x7 feet of extra space does not justify it. The privacy might, as might saving money on a single. I don’t think they would let you share, though.
@sensation723
I mentioned in my original post that it’s allowed. Every college I’m considering allows co-ed dorms, and most even have gender neutral showers, as well. I haven’t actually come across any colleges in my search that DON’T allow co-ed, but that might be because I’m looking specifically at small liberal arts.
Also, the one triple I saw when I was on a campus tour was a divided triple, meaning there is a wall between the bedrooms
I’d say no. What a huge hassle if you break up. And college is a time to meet new people and try new things. If you are that much in each other’s hip pockets, you will be a lot less likely to try things independently. And even with separate suite rooms for the third person, it would be crappy for them.
Co-ed dorms and co-ed rooms in the dorm are different things. Many schools, even LACs, aren’t at co-ed rooms yet, at least for freshman. Make sure you are differentiating between the two if that is something important to you. Co-ed bathrooms are very common.
If different, colleges won’t allow that in a dorm. The colleges that allow mixed gender dorms will tell you it is not for girlfriends/boyfriends. Nor will they allow pets (except maybe tiny ones)…but you dont’ want pets because what do you do with them during breaks?
Many of us here are older and have seen what happens a bajillion times:
You are holding on to that high school BF/GF because you love/feel close to them and they are a comfort when going toff to college…but college is a time to expand/explore/meet new people/not be limited.
You may say “But he is the one!! We are special!” then awesome! Your relationship will stand living in different dorms.
You don’t want to find out he likes to party but you want to study…in your own dorms it is easier to do your own thing.
Okay, but the problem is is that if I’m not going to dorm with him, then I don’t see as much of a factor in attending that school anyway, because a big part of it would be proximity to my boyfriend. If I don’t dorm with him, I’ll go to a different college and we’d have to do long distance anyway, which in itself is, arguably, just as distracting, stressful, and time consuming as living together would be. (Assuming we put effort into it, which we would.)
And, obviously, dorming with my boyfriend and I would be up to the friend. It’s just a suggestion lol.
And YES, I’ve talked to the school! They allow co-dorming! They would let me dorm with my boyfriend or any other male friend or roommate!
If you don’t like the school enough to go to it if you’re not dorming with your BF, then you don’t like the school enough to be committing 4 years of you life there.
Why do you have to dorm together to go to the same college? You guys don’t live together now and you been together 2 years. It would be just like it is now.
I can tell this is one of those “I’m going to do this anyway, I just need support for my argument and I’m not going to hear anything that disagrees with what I want”, but I’ll add my voice to the others who think it’s not fair for the 3rd person (wall or no wall), and to give yourself a year not to room with someone who may not grow the same way you’re going to grow your freshman year.
And if you don’t like the school enough to go all on your own-woo honey do you have some growing to do.
Don’t be that clingy girlfriend who’s attached at the hip to her high school boyfriend and is totally shattered when he feels suffocated after six months at the new college and breaks up with her.
Don’t be that girl.
Set your own boundaries and spaces and see if HE’s going to be able to live up to who you become in college.
If you two are meant to be together, then give each other the space to grow and it will still work (I’m living proof-met in college freshman year, long distance relationship for 1 year after that, then lived together for 5 years, been married for 23).
You have your entire lives to live together and be married if that’s what your ultimate goal is.
What a terrible reason to go to a college – so you can dorm with your 18 year old boyfriend. Pick the college that supports YOUR academic goals. If you two are meant to be together, you will weather the distance. If not, you’ve thrown away your shot for getting the best education for you.
In six months we’re probably going to see a post like this
Do not share a dorm. It’s extremely easy to either walk to your boyfriend’s dorm or have him walk to yours, particularly given that you will both attend the same school. If you guys are together after a year and want to try living together, then great. Fantastic. Just know that going from high school where you know everyone, live with your parents, and have limited freedom is a fundamentally different experience than college. Due to both this transition and massive changes in the brain, most people end up dumping their high school boyfriends regardless of what school they go to.
I know; if this were my daughter I’d be so disappointed that she was making this her priority. My heart breaks for this kid because she’s setting herself up for such a tougher path in life.
Good guys are not a dime a dozen and a good relationship should be taken seriously, but the flip side to that coin that so many girls don’t see is that quality guys look for quality girls. Girls who value themselves, make good decisions, and know their worth.
In my opinion, following your BF to a college you don’t like is not a good decision, and lessens your options and your belief in your own value.
Using the argument that it’s a hassle not to be together is not a good foundation for a deep and authentic relationship between equals.
