So my sister wants to move to the town im at college in to go to a community college. we are bouncing the idea around that we move in together. It makes sense financially, But we do not get along super well. We also come from a super stressful home, or homes, which might be a factor. Should we do it? :(|) is i9t a terrible idea?
As none of us know you or your sister, we can only give our own experiences/ what we have seen and some generic advice.
I found that I got along with my siblings better when we were adult and no longer living with our parents.
With some of my siblings, college would have been too soon- we needed to grow into ourselves more before we could get along well in such close quarters (with one of them, the 4 day Thanksgiving holiday is still enough time under the same roof!).
With others, it would have been fine even in college, b/c we were comfortable with the same basic ground rules for living in close quarters and our temperaments were reasonably compatible to start with (and we now happily vacation together). In both cases, not having the parent dynamic in the mix helped.
tl;dr: it depends a lot on why you don’t get along ‘super well’, and how able you each are to set up compatible ground rules for sharing a living space (as you would any other adult flatmate/housemate).
So I am a junior in college and she is going into her freshmen year. We hardly bicker at all except when I am home for the summer and its only towards the end of summer. It seems like thats when my mother and I bicker and when my mother and sister bicker. We had shared a room our whole lives, and I would be upset by her mess, but in an apartment we would have our own separate spaces. I wonder if the fact that we will be doing different things all of the time will lighten the stress of living together? or if we are fighting a lot in the beginning, will we be able to get better and fight less? we are on the same terms about ground rules and common areas and such, Its the fighting I worry about. We will also be paying for it ourselves, so that might be more of a stressor. Any tips on how to pay for things together? Maybe a joint bank account for bills?
Personally I would not have a joint account.
I would also lay out a roommate agreement and spell out how you will split all expenses, including food.
Honestly I would be more worried about the impact for your sister living off campus as a freshman as it can make meeting friends much more difficult.
Sister is going to a CC, so not quite the same.
Agree entirely- have a specific roommate agreement- and agree to start with really strict rules that you can relax as you go (easier than the other way around). Agree who will pay which bills, how you will settle up. A kitty for food often works: everybody puts in an agreed amount, and that is used to buy shared food (bread/milk/whatever you both eat in common; if you eat a lot more than her agree a %). Yes, separate shelves in the fridge helps keep the peace!
since she is going to a community college, she doesn’t have the on campus housing as an option. I would absolutely push for that if she did. I am in university, so I did have on campus housing and it was great. I am trying to get her to understand how important it will be for her to join some clubs or groups to make friends. and I want to be open to her having people over even though that’s not my preference.
I love the idea of putting in for a certain amount of food. Do you guys think that establishing meal plans and such is a good idea? I do not want to overwhelm her but i also do not want to cook every night.
Not sure you need a meal plan but a calendar of either who is doing the cooking, or just fending after yourselves individually. I had roommate in a apartment for two years and we never cooked for each other.
One question for you OP - do you think your sister is mature enough to handle apartment living or will she be looking to you to mother her?
I love my sisters dearly but will never willingly live with either of them again. (Indoor pets, cleaning standards, privacy, and wanting separate lives are just the beginnings.)
If your sister doesn’t live with you, where would she live? I could see doing it to help your sister if you could both come to an agreement about what this means as young adults. Is she just now graduating from high school or a bit older?
Where do you live now? Apartment or dorm?
Is your sister responsible? Would she share chores/shopping/cooking/buying things?
Where do your parents live? Would it cost more for her to go to CC out of county/
Why does your sister not want to live at home and go to CC? Are you both trying to get away from parents?
Would she rely on you for friends or make her own?
In general, I would think it better not to do this so you both can gain independence. Usually freshman need more support…do you want to do this? Obviously the cheapest method is for her to stay at home and go to CC there.
But if this is her only way to escape a toxic situation, then consider it.