<p>I have been visiting this message board every day since the Spring and I have loved hearing such great enthusiasm and high expectations for boarding school. But is prep school really all you dreamed it would be? What do you love most about living away from home? I am just back from my first semester at boarding school and the truth is I have mixed feelings about it. Overall, the kids are pretty nice but sometimes I feel lonely and out of place. I am shy and I think it can be very hard to stand out among so many talented classmates. </p>
<p>Is there anything about boarding school you dont like or have found disappointing? I am often intimidated here and I keep waiting for that magical moment when I know that this is the perfect school for me but that hasnt happened. Please dont misunderstand my post!!! I dont mean to scare or discourage kids who are considering going away to school. In fact, I believe prep school is totally something everyone should experience and there is no question that most of the students here are having a great time. My social problems would be much worse if I had stayed home because boarding school obviously gives you far, far greater opportunities to hang out with friends. I really like how the dorm means living with friendly people but at the same time being surrounded by kids 24/7 can become too intense at times. I have to find friends to sit with at breakfast, lunch, and dinnereven on a Sunday and when I go to take a shower in the morning, there are some girls there that I dont want to see. I always feel like Im being judged. Am I the only one who has a strange love-hate relationship with their boarding school? Please be as honest as possible!</p>
<p>I'm not a student---I'm an adult and a mom, and I can tell you that MANY kids feel this way. Even the ones who always have someone to sit with, often feel lonely and insecure about it. Let's face it--high school can be tough, whether it is a boarding school or public school. Just remember that sometimes it takes a little time to get adjusted, to make some friends and to get comfortable. What you are feeling is very common. Hopefully some kids will post on here telling you that as well. Good luck!</p>
<p>I kind of had the oppostite experiance when I went to boarding school. I become BEST friends with one girl. We did absolutely everything together. Then one day I realised that I had the least close relationships with everyone else. I had to branch out, it was hard, but after about 2 terms I fit in with everyone and had a really great rest of my time at schoool</p>
<p>I wouldn't say i have a love-hate relationship. It's more of a love-annoyance type thing.</p>
<p>My opinion is that it's never going to be your first expectation of your "PERFECT school" because I think when you're really excited about something, you make up things about it to make it perfect in your mind (probably over the summer after you got accepted). There are always going to be people you dislike, there are always going to be downsides when you feel homesick. I feel that for me, the negatives are such small things (sharing a bathroom, sometimes gross showers, getting sick of the food, trying to find friends at dining hall) and the positives are such HUGE things (best friends, an excellent education, all the opportunities, etc) that I don't even notice the negative aspects that much anymore.</p>
<p>Then again, it's always harder in the beginning when you're still transitioning. I think it will get better for you, Cindy.</p>
<p>There are lots of students who feel this way -- or a variation on it. Especially after returning from a holiday vacation that wasn't quite as long as it could have been.</p>
<p>Again, I'm not a student. And I'm not sure what other students can add that will provide a healing salve. Most parents here are -- like me -- novices at dealing with this as advisors. But there are people who see this all the time and know what's going on and can help! Your school's counseling center is a great resource. Avail yourself of the people and services there. It will be far more productive than hearing lots of fellow students empathize with you (or worse, hearing from a cross-section of students who can't relate at all to your feelings).</p>
<p>Your school's counseling center can give you the generic advice that only the best of us can offer up PLUS they can provide specific resources and help tailored to you and your school that none of us are equipped to offer up. Put in a call today to set up an appointment for this week. Or ask a parent -- or hall parent -- about this if you're too shy or feel too stigmatized to contact the counseling center.</p>
<p>Cindy Freshman...if you think you're alone in thinking that boarding school can be weird and unsatisfying compared to your expectations, check out the Facebook group "You Know You Go To Boarding School When..."</p>
<p>You are not alone. Here's a list of grievances and observations of the bizarre from students at numerous schools:</p>
<pre><code>*
</code></pre>
<p>you know you've spent way too long at boarding school and you're not qualified as a normal teenager anymore when.......</p>
<p>-you've ever been told that wearing a collared shirt and tucking it in is ESSENTIAL to learning
-you feel rebellious when you get back 2 minutes after curfew
-you've had a dean of students overrule your own mother on what's best for you
-you've become USED to losing people close to you because you know way too many people who have gotten kicked out and you are wondering when you will
-you've been subjected to daily room checks
-you've been chaperoned going out to lunch after the age of 13
-you no longer care about people seeing you in your pajamas when you look horrible
-your teachers and dean of students have seen you in your underwear
-when friday nights no longer excite you because you have class on saturdays
-you've been threatened and told that skipping PE is a serious punishable offense
-you continue to skip anyways
-vacation for you is going home
-you've come up with complicated plans of hiding your cell phone, but you still get caught with it
-more than 10 people from home have forgotten your existance
-you get out of here and think it is a federal crime to have someone of a different sex in your room
-you've had your friends' clothes for so long, you think it's yours
-you've tried to diet over 10 times...then said "screw it" and gorged yourself on food from the dining hall
-you've opened your facebook profile and hit refresh 5 times just to see if anything has changed...but it never has
-you've spent more than 2 hours on facebook
-you feel closer to your friends at school than you do your own family
-you've ever had required chapel. on sunday, wedesday, and friday...and even most faculty members don't go
-you lost your hairbrush over a month ago, and it doesn't phase you
-you become a horrible driver when you go home because you are used to taking cabs everywhere at school
-you've walked by your dorm parent (a man) just in your towel on the way to the shower and neither of you notice
-creating plans to runaway or jump out your windows becomes a daily topic among your friends
-you know by heart and instinct when the duty people make rounds
-you've ever been checked on at night...everynight...by someone who isn't your parents
-you've ever gotten in a vicious battle over the TV in a dorm common room
-dinner time is essential, and you never miss it because it is the most exciting thing that happens to you all day
-you live in a world where "turning people in" isn't just for middle schooler tattletales
-you've been told that NOT turning someone in is just as bad as having done the crime yourself
-your male math teacher has awkwardly sat on your BED and tried to comfort you as you cry
-you know that the nurses are very good people to manipulate
-your teachers become your friends
-you've gone to school with people richer than god...and not cared about it for a second
-you never get "snow days" out of school. and you never get federal holidays either...
-when the internet shuts off...life is over.
-you've ever been kicked offline before your younger sibling
-you go on an internet bender for the first 2 days of every break
-you've ever hooked up in any of the following and thought it was completely normal:
1. empty classroom
2. the woods
3. the art gallery
4. the auditorium
5. the basement of the library
6. and the BEST of all: possibly even a chapel
-you go on AIM and know that no one is online
-you leave more messages than actually talking to people
-you get joy out of finding times you are allowed to wear jeans and a t-shirt
-getting mail is just as exciting as getting to leave campus
-a fun weekend night consists of ordered piza and watching movies
-you are used to getting less than six hours of sleep each night.
-you actually study in the library.
-one person gets the flu, the entire school gets it, including the teachers and if you’re LUCKY you might get a day off school.
-going to goodwill or the grocery store is the highlight of your weekend
-"study hall" becomes a time to facebook and make stupid things like this
-you would much rather go to REAL court than the student honor council at school
-there are more empty pizza boxes in the common room than real food in the fridge
-you can STILL get in trouble with your school when you are home alone on christmas or summer break
-your favorite thing to do is sit around with your friends and complain about how much your life sucks
-the school counselor pays nightly visits to your dorm
-the word "freedom" might as well be in a foreign language to you
-you absolutely LOVE school chaperoned trips because you don't have to pay for anything and you get free food
-you freak out at the thought of wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt to school
-you've seen every movie people on your hall own 5 times
-demerits are easier to get than acne
-the night watchman has seen you when you're "not fully clothed"...more than once
-the power goes out for like 12 hours and the heat is off in 40 degree weather and you STILL have class*</p>
<p>Cindy, there are many like you. Try to make time to chat with one of your schools counselors. They work with kids all of the time on helping them settle in. And, how is your house parent to chat with. Some are really good ... and, a few are not.</p>
<p>Cindy, Is there a teacher whom you really like or respect? If there is, you might go to him or her and tell them that you are feeling a bit lonely and were wondering if they had any suggestions for someone whom you might enjoy getting to know. I know it would feel a little awkward but as someone who sits in the dining hall day after day and watches the social interactions, there have been so many times when I have wanted to "fix up" two students who I knew would really enjoy each other but who were probably each a little too shy to make the first move. If I know that the students are open to it, I can then jump at the chance to invite them both out to dinner or to ask them to help me with a project so that they can get to know each other better.</p>
<p>Being at boarding school doesn't mean that you always have to be with a friend. its okay to do things by yourself- like eat in the dining hall. </p>
<p>Also, if you feel extra concious of yourself when you're aound other people, don't let it show. You're probably not being judged as much as you think you are. Just be confident in who you are and people will notice and want to get to know you. </p>
<p>I know a lot of people in your situation and i always tell them the same thing.</p>
<p>You know IBFTW, just BE QUIET. You don't offer much to this board in general, and with your personal bias against boarding schools, you are the last person Cindy Freshman needs to hear from. Go back to the college boards.</p>
<p>Sorry--I just think you need to think about the person who is receiving this advice, instead of trying to be cute or flippant.</p>
<p>I'm going to agree with lbftw on that one, acutally. </p>
<p>This is coming from a middle school kid who's not a bully or anything, but typically kids don't sit alone in the cafeteria. So when other students see a kid sitting alone, they're going to wonder why. Either the kid is weird, no one wants to sit with him...they might pity them or whatever, even though OFTEN it's not true. Even as a little kid if you saw another person on the swings alone, you'd feel bad and go play with them, even if the person was just fine playing alone. So yes, h-o-p-e-f-u-l, it's ok to do things alone but other kids may not see that the same way, especially at meal time. With things like studying, watching tv, just grabbing a snack, etc, kids will be very understanding about. But, I don't know, something about the cafeteria just makes it different.</p>
<p>I don't mean to be rude, or exclusive, but as a student that's just my observation. I do encourage hopeful's second piece of advice though.</p>
<p>boo x-- I agree with you that in middle school, it is so awkward and weird to sit in a cafeteria by yourself. BUT, at boarding school, it is not awkward at all. First of all, people go to breakfast/lunch/dinner at different times because they might have a free block before the universal lunch block and might go to lunch early to avoid the long lines. So sitting at a table by yourself doesn't mean that you are lonely and have no friends. Second, boarding school gives you a tough workload. I know a lot of people who sit at a table by themselves during breakfast/lunch and even dinner and do some reading. In fact, I choose not to sit with my friends at breakfast because I review my morning classes' hw to warm up my brain. Even if people do sit together, they don't necessarily talk-- so why sit together?</p>
<p>Middle school is a different story because most people are so self-conscious about their social status. I think sitting by yourself at a table at dining hall and being okay with it shows that you are mature and are comfortable with yourself.</p>
<p>Also, I just think that time alone by yourself can sometimes be very valuable at boarding school where you can be so overwhelmed.</p>
<p>I'm gonna be honest...
Eating by yourself in the dining hall is ...weird. Oftentimes I just wait until one of my friends sit down, and most people are like that too...</p>
<p>Hey, guys, we have a student here who came to us for help. Let's try for a bit of compassion and good ideas instead of telling the OP how weird it is.</p>
<p>I hate to perpetuate this curious focus on "eating alone" but...is she even saying that's that what she does?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>She says that she DESIRES and LIKES "being able to hang out with friends." So she's not saying she wants to be alone at all. And then, specifically with respect to meals, she writes: "I have to find friends to sit with at breakfast, lunch, and dinner—even on a Sunday."</p>
<p>I read that and think she's making a point of finding friends to eat with...not that she finds herself eating alone. And if I'm mistaken and I missed the part where she says she is eating alone, it's certainly NOT because she's not trying. So, even if she is eating alone, telling her that eating alone is weird adds no value.</p>
<p>OTOH, tuesdayair who is doing just fine, thank you very much, DOES say that "I choose not to sit with my friends at breakfast because I review my morning classes' hw to warm up my brain," so I hardly think that sitting alone is a universal sign of weirdness. Have any of you been in Manhattan at lunchtime? I know there are lots of weird people in Manhattan...but not that many!</p>
<p>I think this is all stemming from HOPEFUL's comment:
[quote]
Being at boarding school doesn't mean that you always have to be with a friend. its okay to do things by yourself- like eat in the dining hall.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I agree with the people here who say there is nothing wrong with eating alone, or doing some activities by yourself. Especially since Cindy Freshman said that it is too intense sometimes when you are surrounded by friends 24/7. There are a lot of people who are not morning people (me included). I would prefer to be alone in the morning. I don't think there is anything strange about seeing a kid eating alone in the morning, reviewing his notes or reading the newspaper.</p>
<p>Yes, I believe CindyF. was talking about the arduous process of adjusting to a new environment, not so much about the issue of eating alone or not (which, by the way, I think is only as weird as the individual feels it to be - both of the Smile Pups ate alone on occasion without any major hits to their social standing; perhaps it has to do with the school, but I really don't think the seasoned boarding school student would find it to be all that unusual to eat alone).</p>
<p>Cindy, you have just begun a huge transition! It's still early days, and everyone is still getting to know everyone else. Give yourself some more time and give yourself the leeway to acclimate in your own way, at your own pace. For those of us who are somewhat shy, these kinds of transitions can take longer, but that's okay! Even though it may feel like you're living in a fishbowl and that everyone is watching and judging you, most likely they're just thinking about their own transition. And you're not burning any social bridges if you want to be alone from time to time - it just means that later this year or next year, when you're more comfortable, the others will have the chance to say "I'm so glad I got to know her; she's really cool."</p>