Now, I’ve heard of people who dated in college while they’re partner wasn’t there with them, which created some interesting questions if I ever find myself in that situation:
Would the protection level of the relationship change at all? If the BF/GF would act a little more protective of each other?
Would the relationship be more of an distraction rather than if you dated someone who went to your college?
Do you see the possibility of a negative reaction happening if a breakup occurred? Now, this all depends on how people deal with breakups?
By “protective”, do you mean “distrustful”? As in, suspecting the other of cheating? Yes, that happens all the time, to the point of being a likelihood. Long-distance relationships rarely work out and should be avoided.
Protection level depends on how happy they are. If one of you is unhappy with college, you are more likely to be more protective because he/she is more reliant on you to be happy
Probably less of a distraction, but it depends on how much he/she will contact you every day
If you two break up, it wouldn’t be violent, so that’s good. However, I believe that you will be very sad for a long while and that there would be a lot of smack talk.
In my personal opinion, just by looking at my friends, the only ones that have lasted are the ones where both people are religious and abstinent. The rest of them failed within 3 months. Please take that into consideration
@TomatoSmoothie, you’re a college freshman. How many people do you know in long distance relationships? I don’t know how you would know whether or not your friends are abstinent, but being religious and/or abstinent is no guarantee that a relationship will survive.
OP, what do you mean by “protective”? What are you envisioning that a significant other needs protection from?
Relationships can be distracting even if they’re not long distance. It’s important to set priorities and maintain balance.
There’s always the possibility of having a negative reaction to a break up, especially if you’re not the one who wanted it.
I wouldn’t worry about it though. If you start dating in college it’s unlikely that your relationship will be a long distance one.
I maintained a long-distance relationship throughout all my years of college, and after college graduation we got married. After all of that, the marriage fell apart and we divorced after only two years, due to us then growing apart once we were married and together! Looking back, I pretty much completely “missed out on” all the normal college experience that was available at my truly wonderful, social college because I was constantly distracted with my heart on my long-distance relationship. Of course, your mileage may vary.
Most of them end in the “Turkey Drop” — breakup at the first Thanksgiving break. My advice is to part as friends when you go to college. Agree to date other people, but don’t shut off the possibility that you may resume a relationship eventually if you are able to be in the same place in the future.
For most, attending college away from home is the start of a significant period of growth. People change. Folks grow in different ways & in different directions. This period of growth into adulthood makes long distance relationships difficult to maintain& difficult to sustain.
College is also a chance to meet a much bigger pool of people than you’ve known in the past, and see if maybe there are qualities you want in a partner that you might not be thinking about as a HS student. There are 7.7 billion people on the planet. Let’s assume for a minute that you are heterosexual, so that means at least 3 billion possible partners. Meeting and maybe dating a few more of them as you consider your options is a good idea.
Being protective as in making sure that they don’t hookup with anyone at parties. The first situation is when you go out as a couple. The second situation is when a guy or girl goes to a party & ends up ruining their relationship over a hookup or a kiss. This situation trusts the other person’s loyalty to their relationship & how strong they can stand up for themselves without giving into temptation’s way. However, the power of alcohol can still cause some conflict.
This is why some people don’t party while they date, but some of them still do while making it clear to others that they’re dating someone. If I was in a long distance relationship, then I’d still let my GF have fun, but she would obviously go with her friends & make sure that they all know that she’s currently in a relationship, so no guy would try to make a move on her.
You’d “let” your girlfriend have fun? Um. Partners are autonomous humans. You don’t get to dictate whether they go to parties or whatever. Nor do you get to tell her who to attend with, and if or how to communicate any relationship status.
What makes you think your girlfriend will hook up with someone else at a party if you’re not there? That’s pretty insulting. You don’t get to tell your partner what she’s allowed to do or what she has to tell people. She can go out with a group of friends – male and female – whenever she wants. Guys have been known to make a move on a girl even when he knows she’s seeing someone. You have zero control over that.
The semantics of how a person is supposed to behave in a long-distance relationship are irrelevant. Allowed/not allowed/permitted/forbidden/discouraged are all equally meaningless. They are not with you and you are not with them and the relationship is not going to last past Thanksgiving.
I’ll agree with the majority opinion - it almost never works. I have know a number of cases like that. I had a friend who actually got engaged with her high school sweetheart when they went off to different colleges. Didn’t last through freshman year. We had a grad student who got engaged with her college boyfriend when they ended their undergrads. She ended up marrying another grad student in our program (still happily married with kids), after she broke off that engagement in her first year of grad school.
Kids in college are going through major changes in their maturity, world views, and overall personality. You are not the same person at the end of your freshman year as you were when you started college. Any long distance relationship is really between the persons you both were, not between the persons you are now, and is, therefore, not even a real relationship, except in the endless possibilities of disappointment, feelings of betrayal, and uncomfortable interactions.
I think it can work. I’ve seen a few. But never where one partner was trying to force the person to remain in the relationship by trying to control them. No quicker way to get a partner to leave you than to act like you own them.
The odds are very against the relationship lasting, and they got far worse the moment you typed “protective.” You should both do yourselves a favor and part as friends by the time school starts. Otherwise, you’re going to part eventually on much worse terms.
The tremendous growth that occurs in college requires that you leave many things behind. Relationships are among those things. Many (friends and significant others) will go away completely and others will evolve (parents and siblings). It’s just the natural process of making room in your heart and mind for all of the wonderful new people you will meet. It’s a good thing - don’t sweat it.
Can it work? Sure. I personally know 2 couples who started dating in high school, went to different colleges and have been married for decades.
Is it likely to work? In general, no. Far more of these relationships end than last.
Three excellent ways to make sure a relationship fails, regardless of distance? Date someone untrustworthy. Fail to trust someone who deserves your trust. Think your significant other needs your permission to go to a party or hang out with friends.
I know of couples who started dating in high school, broke up for college but remained friends & reunited after college. The common element was that they were best friends & respected each other rather than an undying passionate love.