Looking for second opinion on UC Essay

<p>I'm afraid that it is not concrete enough for UCS, and not personal enough.
My top choice is UC Berkeley right now.
I'll look over yours too.
Thank you in advance!</p>

<p>I don’t mind reading your essays, please do e-mail me</p>

<p>Send it on over!</p>

<p>PM me! I will read it for you!</p>