I’ve had bad luck with roommates for my entire time in college, last semester I ended up living with random girls for a semester and that was the only time I didn’t have any issues, probably because we rarely interacted and were still going through the polite “getting to know you phase”. This year I’m living with 2 of my best friends, and I’d like to start out with saying that I really do love both of them, they probably just aren’t the best roommates for me. I’m more on the quiet side and absolutely hate confrontation but I don’t want to have another bad roommate experience especially with friends.
I’ve read a few roommate issues posts and in almost all of them is something about cleanliness, this post sadly shall not be any different. I think I should start with saying my parents raised me to always clean up after myself, whenever I start a project or use something I can’t leave it lying there, I need to put it away. I understand that my roommates are busy but I’m getting really bothered by all the dishes that get left around, some don’t even make it into the sink and will just sit around. They also refuse to use the dishwasher, not just in the sense that they don’t want to put their dishes in it but they want none of the dishes to be washed in it. I’ve brought it up, only to get shut down and looked at weirdly for suggesting its use. In addition to dishes I’m normally the one cleaning the shared living area of the apartment. They thank me and even tell me that I’m making them feel like bad roommates for always cleaning up after them, but do nothing to help me. My parents just tell me to stop cleaning and let it get to a point in which they notice the dirt, but I just can’t let it get that bad (and believe me its gotten pretty dirty).
Another issue I have with one of the roommates is that she is constantly asking me to help her with her homework. I’ve helped her in the past with Polish homework, because my family is Polish and I’m fluent, but its getting to the point and level where if she doesn’t understand it, she’ll never learn the language. I understand that its a pretty complicated language to non-native speakers but her mom is Polish and she doesn’t ask her for help, just me. She now is also taking a class in accounting, one that I have taken already, and I am willing to help her, but the help has turned into her prying answers out of me instead of doing the work herself. I try to tell her that I am busy with my own work but she persistently asks for help, even following me into my room and sitting on the floor next to me and bothering me until I help. I want to help her but I just end up getting annoyed and don’t know a nice way of telling her to do her own work.
Latching onto that issue, I can never seem to be alone without making them feel like I’m avoiding them. I’m an introvert, I like people but it drains me, and they are all about being together all the time. They’ll sit in the living room doing homework and I’ll move to my room to do work at my desk and they’ll follow and lay on my bed. When they don’t have homework they have taken to napping on my bed while I’m in there doing mine. My room is the closest to the kitchen and living room so it has apparently been dubbed the "“hang out room” which I’d rather not have because I just want to sit with myself sometimes. Also I don’t like people sitting on my bed in like dirty clothes, its just a weird personal thing, but it makes me think my bed is dirty. They also don’t fix my bed back once they’ve rolled around in it, which I find annoying because I like it neat and its my personal space. I’ve tried putting things on my bed to prevent them from having space on it but it just gets moved. I’ve tried closing my door but then they ask me why and if I’m feeling ok and why am I trying to avoid them. So how do I get my alone time without coming of frigid and rude?
The last issue I’d really appreciate advice on is that they love to go out, and I don’t. I have no issues with them going out and having a good time, the problem is that they INSIST that I come with them. I am definitely more of a quiet laid back person and going to the bars is like a once in a while type of thing for me and I’d want to go with people that I have fun with. Their idea of going out is going to bars sober and waiting for guys to hit on them, while mine is more about hanging out with chill people, dancing and drinking a little. Drinking is not the issue, I think its the fact that most of the time I don’t have a good time with them because they’re really skinny and pretty and get hit on easily while I feel like the ugly duckling. Might be a little insecure, thats what the alcohol is for, but hanging around waiting for guys and looking at my phone is not my idea of fun. Its gotten to the point that I can’t beg off anymore and the requests to go out are sounding more like orders, which only make me want to go out with them less. I have no problem with them going out together, I’d just rather stay at home or go out with others, which only offends them.
Sorry for the extremely long vent, but I’d really appreciate any advise anyone could offer! So to “sum-up” what I need help with, I’d like advise on:
- How to get my roommates to clean more or at least after themselves?
-How do I get my roommate to stop bothering me with her homework?
- How do I get them to stop hanging out in my room/ get alone time?
-How do I get out of going out with them?
All without hurting anyones feelings or coming off rude.
Sorry about the length again!