<p>I have a friend. She follows me EVERYWHERE because she is my shadow and has very low self-esteem. She's also really sensitive and I've tried telling her off, but she'll just start crying and calling me really mean and stuff (me? mean?? omg, I am like the nicest person in the class for crying out loud). And I like this guy in my class, and we've been friends for a while. Here's how he flirts with me: he'll like make funny jokes and dadadala, you know, take my stuff and stuff, and we'll end up talking. Here's how I flirt with him: I'll make jokes back, yadayda, playfully kick him for taking my stuff, and we'll end up talking. Pretty insane, I know. But here's the problem. Sometimes, I just wanna be ALONE with him, but my shadow FOLLOWS me when I'm flirting with him, and then after he takes my stuff or whatever playfully, she'll copy me and kick him! It's not like she LIKES him, but I just need my damn space!!!!!!! OMG, can't she see that I need alone time with OTHER people sometimes???? For the love of God!!! What should I do? :(</p>
<p>Tell her to stop being so intrusive...</p>
<p>just say there are times to joke and there are times where you want some privacy so she should leave you alone...</p>
<p>or, you could just end the friendship (if it really gets in your way) but I don't know about that b/c some dude that you're just flirting with won't be as good friends w/ you in the long run as that shadow of yours</p>
<p>Well, what do I say to her?? "Stop kicking him, because that's my job"?! :mad:</p>
<p>sure!</p>
<p>or just ask her for osme alone time with this dude? whatever works.</p>
<p>have you ever heard of those tazers they use to herd cattle?</p>
<p>...or just ask her point-blank to leave you alone. no progress will be made on your shadow's emotional problems anyway if you just ignore them and continue on as normal.</p>
<p>Let's start here: How can I get her to stop being my shadow and chill with other people??!? I talk with a lot of "cool" people, and she'll stand behind me and laugh at what I laugh at--sorry, but they were telling ME the joke. I don't mean to sound selfish, but come on!</p>
<p>I don't know, maybe advice from a female would be better suited (read: more sensitive) for your situation...but honestly...I would say to just tell her exactly how you feel. You could use tactful phrasing or whatever, but just get the point across, and leave no doubt about what you mean. </p>
<p>(And there's never anything wrong with physical violence if either A) all other possibilities have been exhausted, or B) it's entertaining.)</p>
<p>Cat Fight, Cat Fight, Cat Fight!!!!!!!!!</p>
<p>i think you need to be pretty brutal. i used to have a similar 'friend' and i know how difficult it is to make them leave. i tried just acting cold and distant for a while, but she seemed immune to hints and from your description i don't think your friend would be more receptive. what i ended up doing, which i'm not suggesting is the best way to go, was to leave a comment on her livejournal telling her exactly how i felt. before you start flaming me about how cowardly it was, i'd planned to tell her in person but circumstance decided otherwise. she'd posted a ridiculous entry bragging about her 'drinking experience' (one beer) and it ****ed me off. we talked later and she said "i feel exactly the same, and i've been hoping someone would bring it up". whether that's true is debatable, but she stopped clinging. we are now on chilled but cordial terms, which suits me.</p>
<p>i'm an extremely nonconfrontational person, and that's the only time i've done anything so outright rude, but i was exasperated and it was the only way out of a very destructive friendship. in addition to following me everywhere, she started appropriating my friends, who didn't like her, and similarly to your situation she'd embarrass me in front of the guy i'd liked for 13 months. i don't anymore, which goes to show how fleeting those infatuations are, but seriously, you need to get rid of her. if you don't do it someone else will, and it's better that it happens sooner than later.</p>
<p>no, i'm so not going to flame you. i just found the perfect word 2 describe my shadow: CLINGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
<p>glad to be of service! i hope things work out for you.</p>
<p>If you've already tried telling her off and it didnt work, then you need to try more brutal than before. If she's hurt, well that's life and that's her fault for not getting the hint the first couple of times.</p>
<p>Punke, is this the same girl you told me about?</p>
<p>YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad:</p>
<p>I know what you mean... there used to be this girl that thought she was my best friend except she wasn't. She was ALWAYS right beside me and regardless of who I was talking to she would interrupt to try and include herself in my conversation.</p>
<p>There's no nice way to break it to her because she probably already has REALLY low self confidence. I ended up just ignoring her all summer and then when we got back to school I told her that I had changed and need a little space... that "I was going through a tough period"... which I wasn't but I just needed some freedom from her.</p>
<p>Good luck...</p>