major fight with daughter:( HELP...

<p>Is Providence College even better than Binghamton? Binghamton is a pretty good school. The top school in the SUNY system and probably the top public in the northeast. I don’t know that Providence would be worth a lot of extra money, would it?</p>

<p>I want to add that I * did* have the talk with D2 and she decided not to even apply to schools that were way out of our budget and her stats would probably not earn her enough merit ( if they even offered it), to attend.</p>

<p>She grudgingly opted for an instate university, that is good, nice location etc- but not what she wanted.
This is her first year, and she just started spring qtr. While it has been slow going feedback wise, although she has been involved with things on campus- now she says she is excited about her classes and really likes it.
I also think that having small stafford loan, instead of big stafford- and what ever else upon graduation, is going to make life much easier for her ( and us)
;)</p>

<p>( I also agree with interesteddad re: the comparisons. I am from the west coast and so not familar with the schools personally, but an acquaintance went to work at Providence and I have read about SUNY on CC for years)</p>

<p>Well, Providence College is VERY different from Binghamton, so a student might well have a pretty good idea which one they will find most rewarding.</p>

<p>I would try extra hard to just find the money.</p>

<p>It’s the daughter’s responsibility to find the money … not the mom’s. </p>

<p>But I do think that there would be less tension between mom & d. if the mom would simply tell d. that she will pay $X and then let daughter work from there. If the money isn’t there for the 2nd year, then that will be the daughter’s problem, not the mom’s.</p>

<p>I can see myself being in a similar situation next year. The $$ is looking pretty significant to us these days, even if EFC does not understand this, and if the admit school is not obviously materially “better” than Binghamton or Geneseo- and by all appearances it won’t be- it’s going to be hard to justify.</p>

<p>Hopefully the wife & I will get on the same page on this point and lay out the facts before he gets too revved up.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>This is unfair and unreasonable, you had kids so you have responsibilities (too). The child’s access to money or financial aid is highly dependent on parental income. </p>

<p>Of course there needs to be negotiation and an attempt at a solution that is affordable and makes everybody happy.</p>

<p>We don’t know any details in this case, maybe the OP just doesn’t have the money. On the other hand, if having no new car or big holiday for 4 years can solve the problem, I would be inclined to choose that.</p>

<p>I am one who would have multiple jobs and scrub the floor if necessary to make sure my kid could go to the right school. I wouldn’t think it’s my kid’s responsibility. If I couldn’t do it, I would be the adult to tell her no.</p>

<p>I think it is a mistake to assume that parents are doing a “bait and switch” by letting kids apply to schools they may not be able to afford and then having them face reality when the acceptances come in. The OP’s daughter knew that money was tight and applied to a financial safety but also her more expensive preferred school. From November to March a lot of things change–the perception/preference ranking by the kid, merit aid, FA and relative costs. COA even if you aren’t eligible for F/A is a very important factor that is not fully known until April. </p>

<p>Laying it all out before your daughter now–how much you can put in for her at Providence and why --and pointing out that you may be able to help with medical school (a little) if she goes to state school may help her see that it isn’t that you are “denying” her but you want to help as much as possible within your limits. Take a weekend to visit state school (we went again this weekend to visit son’s safety) and the beautiful weather and the sense of excitement from the other accepted students was really helpful. Don’t make it all about money–we pointed out to our son how the tier-2 state has some nice amenities and options (particularly for an honors student) that aren’t available at the top-20 U that has provided him zero merit aid. Big schools offer more options for clubs, dual majors, access to internships, work on campus (in a hospital?) that can be as important for admission to medical school as the pedigree of the UG school. In the end, she may want to take the risk and be prepared to transfer after year 1 or take a year off. Our s may pick to attend top 20 with zero merit and turn down free ride at local U, but at least I feel that he is really thinking hard about it, sees that we are less concerned about prestige and more about “fit”, and what his choice means for the family and for his future (no help in grad school).</p>

<p>My niece just graduated from Providence College and she found all the required courses to be a REAL drag. Lots of religion, English Comp and language with no way to get out of them. My niece was a chem major so this humanities based school was not a good pick. If your D is pre-med, she might feel the same way.</p>

<p>I also know some kids who have not been happy at Providence College. Maybe she could transfer or wait to go to the U. of RI-?</p>

<p>URI, for out of state is very pricey too! I don’t see URI as being a better situation than Suny Bing.</p>

<p>I know someone who attended PC and loved it, and interestingly, she was an English major. I do understand though, that loving PC, or not loving PC, is really not the point of this thread.</p>

<p>I just thought OP’s D might not be aware of all the required courses.</p>

<p>Just to further complicate things - consider that the SUNYs will have cutbacks, which might be more severe than at Providence College. Consider also the possibility that it may take her 5 years to get her required courses at Bing v. 4 years at PC (I’ve known students who had this problem, and it was a couple years ago, so it’s possible it’s more likely to happen now, with cutbacks and high SUNY enrollment). Also, what if your D went to PC her first year and if the aid didn’t work out for soph year, transferred to Bing? I’m not advocating going into something with the mindset that you’ll leave it, just suggesting a couple of other scenarios.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Sounds nice, but it’s not always going to happen within the confines of the teenage brain. D did not desire to attend her safety. Nothing could have changed that. Fortunately, she doesn’t have to, but there were NO safeties that she desired to attend.</p>

<p>Second, it’s too much time and money to visit every school before you apply. For some schools, especially big publics, it’s often more cost effective to apply first and decide later. </p>

<p>Some of D’s friends are being forced to forgo top choices because FA was lousy. They are not happy. Such is life. Not all disappointment can be anticipated and handled in advance. I’m sure when they actually gets to their schools, which are not too shabby by the way, that they will find a way to be happy. </p>

<p>On another note, I remember running into our old babysitter the summer after her freshman year and she transferred from Providence College to UMASS-Lowell because she found that the education wasn’t worth the money. I agree with those who say that SUNY-Binghamton is a much better school.</p>

<p>All very good points in posts 32-34.</p>

<p>Like ClassicRockerdad, our son had to limit his choices because of financial aid. He is happy with his choice, as he never followed rankings. He just looked at schools to see where he thought he’d feel happy. He is excited about attending one of his safety schools. He could have attended a match school for the same cost, but is choosing his safety, as the area around the school is so much nicer.</p>

<p>Oh, and just to add, the PC grad that I know did get a wonderful merit aid package. This was probably a very important reason that she chose to matriculate there. She is a very bright person, who attended a rather poor inner city hs. Since she had done well in the inner city public, she had wonderful opportunities that would not have been offered at a “better” suburban public hs. I think that for this student, the inner city hs actually helped her both with small classes with top students form this hs, with her ranking, and with her merit award from PC. This school offered reviews for SAT IIs, for APs, for SATs after school and weekends. It was all either free, for very low cost. My children who attended a “better” hs, were never offered any of those small tutoring services through our hs. Our hs sends 95%+ to college, and that hs sends 30% to college after graduation. This makes a huge difference in student rankings as well. All of this can effect the merit aid, and financial aid picture, even if parents come from the same socioeconomic backround. Different types of high schools can really impact the aid IMO.</p>

<p>I agree that SUNY Bing has a much better reputation, academically, than Providence College. But who knows why she prefers the latter. Maybe simply because it is an out-of-state school. There are lots of kids who would cheerfully go off to a mediocre OOS state school instead of attending a superior or equal in-state school.</p>

<p>I hear this argument all the time about how people can’t get the courses they need at a public school because of budgets or whatever. I’m so not in agreement with this. I have never heard of a kid taking five years to graduate from a public school because they were locked out of required courses. Some public school core classes are huge for this reason. (Now <em>that</em> may be something people complain about!)</p>

<p>Ready to Roll - I think that the issue of being locked out of classes is probably a state by state issue. It absolutely is an issue in our state. The problem isn’t generally getting into the huge gen. ed. classes as a freshman or sophomore (although that can be a problem as well). The big problem comes up once the student is in his or her major and can’t into required courses. I have known several upper class students who had to “tread water” taking classes they didn’t need just to hold their place in line so they could eventually register for required courses.</p>

<p>The problem becomes even more complicated when the required courses are in a series which doesn’t begin every quarter. This was a problem in our state even before the recent and some would say draconian budget cuts that our state schools are facing.</p>

<p>That said, absent significant merit or needs based FA at a private, the state schools are still a bargain. Which is one of the reasons they are so overcrowded!</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I agree. I loathed my safety, despite it having a great honor’s school. I have a slew of reasons for hating it, but in the end, I applied to some schools with merit, some with lots of need, and ultimately, even though I applied to only one other acceptance safety the <em>day</em> before (it was oos) and got a 16k merit scholarship; my safety never got back to me (They had several months). I withdrew my app when I got into #1 choice with FA.</p>

<p>My daughter only wanted to apply to a few schools that she felt were affordable (based on published automatic merit aid) and that she would like to attend. At my urging she applied to UNC-Chapel Hill and Duke. My argument was that with her stats she might receive significant merit aid at those schools. (This was before I learned how tough the competition was at the top.) Anyway, even though she wasn’t offered merit money she is happy she applied as she was accepted and that feels good. So my lesson was to go ahead and apply to some reaches but with the full understanding that even if you are accepted you may not be able to attend. </p>

<p>For your daughter. With financial paperwork in hand, sit her down and go over the realities. Even though 18-year-old kids still have a lot of maturing to do, when they are treated like a rational adult and explanations go beyond the “just because”, they usually respond. Explain your fears in a level tone and and if offers solutions ask her to do some legwork to show that her solutions will work. Agree to take another look at the situation when she has researched financial options. (The research may help her change her mind.)</p>