<p>If I were you, I would just move on. I mean if you want to start a relationship with her, then I knew from the start that it might not happen. You were just there to make her feel better when she broke up with her bf. Oh yeah, The girl just needs some time to recover. At least you had some fun being the friend with benefits and the rebound dude. If you still like her, then just live the moment and enjoy the summer being that rebound guy. But if you are there to start a relationship, then move on. </p>
<p>There are just tons of hot girls out there. You just have to make the move :p.</p>
<p>Thanks for the help Bedhead. Umm, right now I have to be her friend. She needs help getting over her old boyfriend, and I'm gonna be there for her, and I don't think that involves giving her physical affection. I don't know how long it will take for her to be ready to date again, but I'll be there for her then if she wants me. I'm gonna see her today at work, and it'll be hard, but I'll just give her a big hug and tell her everything is alright, even though I'm hurting inside. Thanks for the help guys. Here's another question though. How do you get over a girl? Like right now, its almost like this is the only girl i find attractive or would want to date. How do you get out of that mindset?</p>
<p>Eh, it's probably best to just find a way to get over her...but that's usually way easier said than done. Otherwise you're just going to keep getting strung along and as soon as you think you're fine with the situation as it is, something will happen and it'll hit you that you really aren't. </p>
<p>I've been dealing with a very similar situation (but for much longer) and still haven't figured out how to get over it for mostly the same reason you said (nobody being around that catches my interest like he did)...so when you figure something out that helps you forget about her, do please share :)</p>
<p>well, this is certainly a captivating story, and you sound like a nice and honorable guy. The girl, however, seems a little immature to me. She's more into the moment, and doesn't think as far ahead as you do. She probably does like you to some degree, but above all, she enjoys the attention you are giving her. I'm not sure what exactly she wants, and I don't think she knows either. </p>
<p>My suggestion would be to move on; she's not worth it. Keep her on the side as a friend, and if both of you are single in a few years, explore it again. But for now, it's probably best for you to look elsewhere. </p>
<p>As for how to get over her, everyone has a different way. I don't think it's proper to just completely eradicate a person from your memory. I would simply keep in touch and hang out as usual, and after a while, the romantic feelings might abate and you start to see her more as a friend.</p>
<p>Alright, so I saw her at work yesterday. Umm, it was a little awkward, not that awkward, but it certainly wasn't like it was before. Umm, I gave her a hug goodbye when she left, and told her to check her messages. I wrote her a message telling her to forget about the intimacy we had, and just keep the stuff that helped develop our friendship. And then I told her I wanted to help her as a friend. She didn't really understand what i meant. So i said we could talk about her past relationship, or i could show her a good time, or i could leave her alone, whatever she thought would help. She said she didn't know. I said well, how about you just tell me what happened with your bf. And she started to. And then she's like why do you need to know this? And I'm like, look don't think of me as the guy you dated the past week, think of me as the friend that's trying to help you, and you telling me this will help me better understand. So she kinda went on some more, and she's like I don't think I need your help. And I'm like ok, so where do we go from here? And she's like I don't know. And I'm like well do you still want to see me outside of work? And she's like I don't know. And I'm like well, ok umm do you still have feelings for me? And she's like I don't know, I'm lost. And so I'm like thats fine. How about I give you some time, and we can talk sometime later this week. We both work Wednesday night, so I was like why don't we talk Wednesday after work? And she's like I don't know, what will we talk about? And I'm like well I guess we'll see if you have any clue as to whether you still want to date me or not. And she's like I need more time. And I'm like ok, that's fine. </p>
<p>Then her brother, who i've never talked to, talks to me online. He says 'do me a favor and yourself a favor and give my sis some space.' And I'm like that's what I'm gonna do and he's like good. Then we talked for a long time. He basically told me that less is more, and that I shouldn't talk to his sis until she talked to me, including at work. He lives overseas, and he didn't say it in a threatening way. And I was like fine, I'll leave her be, but its gonna be hard. He's like I know, but do it because you want to be her friend and maybe more later. Then I talked with some of my friends and her friend today. They kinda think she's handling the situation poorly and that the best thing I can do is to act like I don't care anymore. Like give her her space, and act like I'm totally happy and have moved on. So that's kinda what I'm gonna do. I'll say hi and bye at work, and smile when I do, but I'm not gonna talk to her unless she talks to me, or unless it is completely work related. So that's where things are at right now. I'm feeling better now though. And I'm closer to moving on. I don't want to be mean to her, but making her a little jealous isn't going to hurt, and I have to show her that I don't need her if I want her later.</p>
<p>Good, I like your latest resolution.</p>
<p>The best thing you can do for yourself is to just back up and give her some space. This is a pretty common predicament but you have to remember the time-honored phrase, "nice guys finish last." I don't mean that you should be an ******* or whatever but back off a little, be aloof, whatever you have to do to keep her at a distance. Don't bother trying to be friends with her if you have feelings for her still, this will just make things awkward for her and painful for you.</p>
<p>This will definitely be the easiest way for you to get over her and to be honest, the best chance you have of getting with her. Girls have this sixth sense for when a guy is starving over them and you really have no chance until you can actually move on. I know it sounds like a catch 22 but trust me it's the only way.</p>
<p>Akajjred: You seem like a really nice guy, so please don't be offended when I tell you some things that may hurt. I agree with the decision you made to give her space, and probably not a lot more needs to be said, but I am going to say something anyway. These are things I've learned through my own experience, and you sound way savvier than I was. Some of it's probably obvious to you anyway. </p>
<p>I don't think you really blew it by being after her. I think you blew it by being really earnest with her (this goes to the point that twpanon said about seeming like you're starving, or desparate over her) and also by being patronizing. It's a really nice thing to want to help a girl, but it sounds pretty clear she doesn't feel like she needs your help. Don't try to help her. Try to like her for who she is. If you don't, then you probably like her physically or just basic personality-wise, but you don't actually like her completely. The biggest mistake made especially in early relationships is to assume the other person feels the same way about you -- and about things -- that you do. If you guys do start to talk again -- and I recommend that you hold back a lot in this regard, even after she starts talking to you again -- don't try to be her Jesus, just try to have a good time with her. She told you in pretty clear terms she doesn't think she needs your help. Do not assume that she'll figure out that you were actually right. If she doesn't want your help, she doesn't want your help, and she'll be justifiably p'ed at you for being arrogant enough to think that you know better.</p>
<p>In terms of getting over her, it's tough but my advice would be to go out and meet some other girls. But if you don't feel like it you won't be on your game and it'll s*ck, so don't force it too much. If you have any other opportunities for dates, though, take them even if you're not completely into the other girls. Just as has been said women sense your "starvation," they also really respond well to guys who are attractive to other women. If you had girls coming in to visit you at work, you'd probably find your friend wanting to talk to you again -- at least, that is, it would be more likely. If she decides she wants to spend more time with you again under these circumstances, keep going out with the other girl/s (I am not saying lie to anybody, but just keep things casual). You are going away at the end of summer; it'll be clear to anyone that the situation will probably end soon. The difficulty of attracting a woman you really like is that you are a lot more likely to get her if she senses you got it goin' on with other women and aren't just desparate for her. But if you really like her, you kind of are: one of life's conundrums that you have to figure out how to work with.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Point well taken Bedhead. Honestly, I don't really want to help her anymore. She can come to me, if she wants to talk or hang out, but I'm done chasing her. I'm not gonna be a dick or anything, but the more and more this goes on the less infatuated I am with her, and the more evident her flaws are. It's getting to the point where I'm almost angry with her in a way, and almost want to be like "wow, u have horrible communication skills, u can't even tell me yourself that you need space, u have to have ur nutty brother from japan do it." I'm not giving up on her or blow her off, but the balls in her court, and I'm done making an effort until she figures out what the hell she wants.</p>
<p>haha, nice. hope you stick to it.</p>