<p>How did most of you make your friends at Cal? Do they come from your dorm or living complex. Or perhaps did you meet them in class or had to work on a group project together and somehow got more and more acquainted? The reason I'm asking is because I'm having difficulty finding friends to hang out with and make the best of my Berkeley experience. I know clubs and maybe fraternities maybe good ways, but I want to know if I can do anything else... I'm not exactly lonely or anything, but I just haven't found my true friends here that I really get along with, most people are just acquaintances.</p>
<p>Also, it doesn't seem like anyone here introduces themselves when they sit next to you in class, it's all so impersonal and unfriendly in discussion and everything... Would people get annoyed if I was really friendly and introduced myself to them?</p>
<p>Thanks... I really appreciate all your responses...
GO BEARS!</p>
<p>Know some other people from frats; a lot of other friends I know I was friends with in high school who are now on the swimming and water polo teams, thus are popular people who have MORE friends who I befriend, and etc...</p>
<p>Anyway, I guarantee 90% of the friends you make won't be in a classroom, so don't try. You have to join/participate in some student groups if you want to have a hope to make friends, because the people you know in your dorm or down your hall will not be living next to year in the next few months; those latter people will be close friends if you can form strong bonds with them in the time you live next to them, because after moving-out day, you won't talk to most of those people for the rest of college.</p>
<p>I'm having the same problem down here at UCLA. Last quarter, I did meet a few people and got their numbers, but I haven't called them mainly due to the amount of studying I have to do. Nevertheless, it does get very lonely not talking to anyone and it does feel like the whole experience is being wasted.</p>
<p>Yeah, I've seen many people with this problem. Some come from dorms, some come from high school, friends of those friends you already have, classes...</p>
<p>People generally don't introduce themselves when they sit next to you in class which I think it's too bad. I've only had a few do that. I think it's worth a try...people are generally pretty friendly. There will be some who don't really want to talk to you and you can tell so just forget about them.</p>
<p>This reminds me of a thread on this forum last year called "top 8 reasons not to go to Berkeley" and one of them is that people here are very rude and I think there was a grain of truth in that. While the whole thread was way too extreme I have found quite a few people here who are rude or just lack common courtesy. What you really have to do is not let these people discourage you because I have found many very nice and friendly people as well, so the best advice I can give you is keep trying.</p>
<p>yes, i have made very few friends from the dorms that i've stayed in and I do find that I rarely ever see them again. I just don't like how everyone is so introverted and clammed up in class, it just gives off a really cold and impersonal vibe that's so robotic. Also, people always seem to gravitate to their own friends that they've already made or their group and don't seem to want to meet anyone else. It almost feels like highschool all over again where people basically keep to themselves and then go into their cliques after school...</p>
<p>but I will try anywhere I can... college is too short to waste any opportunities...</p>
<p>the pattern i've noticed is that many students end up forming a clique with students they live with in the dorms the first year, and these will be their "core" friends in college.</p>
<p>those that do not form such a clique end up finding their "core" in a fraternity, club/organization, or some even stick with their high school friends and never make new ones (don't do this to yourself).</p>
<p>in classes, there are some people who don't like to socialize and you'll quickly learn how to spot these people by how to respond to you, so don't feel let down like vicissitudes says.</p>
<p>one of the nice things about attending a large university is that there are a lot of people out there waiting for you to meet them :) think of it that way.</p>
<p>Hehe... I've heard about foothill and I actually don't live in the dorms at the moment. I have lived in Clark Kerr and Unit 2 before but I never really made any friends there, just met some people I say hi to and that's it. </p>
<p>I actually am in a fraternity but it isn't fulfilling my social needs because they are also just acquaintances that I know. People say the rush process is supposed to help you bond with your fellow brothers or whatnot but it doesn't really work that well when people are just too different to mesh right.</p>
<p>I'm really friendly to everyone I meet and it just seems like they have places to be and people to meet so they just rush off to wherever. </p>
<p>Also, sometimes people think I have some ulterior motive when I try to talk to them especially with girls. I recall vividly two times that I've hit things off with girls and it ends up with them turning stone cold on me because they think I want to date them. Why can't I ever meet someone who's not a mute turkey and that's just as friendly as I am?</p>
<p>It's hard not to just clam and give up on it all.</p>
<p>Are you in a fraternity with a house? If so, it's hard to imagine that you haven't gotten close to any of your brothers given the pledge process...</p>
<p>There is no house... but even if there were I would really want to meet someone outside of the organization because I want meet other people who are different. Being in a fraternity makes me want to look elsewhere for other options even though I may like the people...</p>
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Also, sometimes people think I have some ulterior motive when I try to talk to them especially with girls. I recall vividly two times that I've hit things off with girls and it ends up with them turning stone cold on me because they think I want to date them. Why can't I ever meet someone who's not a mute turkey and that's just as friendly as I am?
<p>Firepire, I'm having the exact same problem as you... I'm NOT a shy, "socially retarded" person, I've tried meeting people in classes, and I've tried out Amnesty Int'l, Cal Triathalon, and Cal Dems. I'm in a Co-ed Prof. Frat, I work, etc... For some reason things still don't click. I've started going back to Cal Dems meetings, and hopefully round 2 will be better with the club. But for now, I've started writing transfer essays, and I know what schools I'll be applying to. Maybe Berkeley's just not right for you...? I don't know, as of right now, I sort of wished I had looked into transferring earlier, since I'm on my 4th semester here and it's all been a bust. Keep trying to make it work, but don't feel bad about looking into transferring now.</p>
<p>aelles, I had a great time as a resident of the International House, for which you will be eligible as a JR next year. It could be a nice fresh start for you since only upperclassmen (and grad students) are allowed. I-House has social retreats for new residents in the Sierras where you can bond with others, it also is a pretty large dorm (600 students) so you can always find other students with similar interests, or form new bonds with people who are dissimilar but interesting. They have intramural teams and in-house parties as well. It's also a very beautiful building and great location.</p>
<p>op: I think it's a bit awkward for people to introduce themselves in classes early on, but you will tend to form bonds and meet up with other students several weeks into the class. I haven't made a lot of friends though my classes because I was an engineering major, most of my friends were from other colleges, kids who liked going out and had other interests. I also had a slow social start due to the fact that I lived in a studio off-campus and I came from overseas (no HS network), but I slowly and steadily built a core group of close friends that I am still very close to nearly two decades later. </p>
<p>Cal's large side is a double edged sword, it creates a somewhat impersonal environemnt, but it also means that you have thousands of students to choose from many walks of life.</p>