Making friends in College

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I will be a sophomore in the coming semester. I didn't really socialize too much my freshman year, actually ever since 8th grade, due to being super focused on my goals and sport. </p>

<p>Although it did semi pay off (I will be going out for a sport tryout in November and transferring out of the college in December to pursue my sport at another college; winter sport). </p>

<p>But, because of what I did, I also sacrificed my social life big time. I didn't socialize since 8th grade at all. I did talk to some people in school, but nothing outside there. I opted for pursueing my own interest, reading, etc.. Also, interests didn't bring social interaction into anything.</p>

<p>So, I will be headed back to college in a week and want to fix my situation. I am going to join a dance class (ballroom/salsa), a rockclimbing club (if it exists), and a magic club (off campus; pro magicians though). However, I am making sure I get my training in (5 daysx2.5 hours), and make sure I keep my grades up so I can transfer out.</p>

<p>Once I transfer out to the new college and get my sport set up, I want to go join a fraternity. Can't do it this semester, but know that is probably best for me.</p>

<p>I guess I will also try to make at least one friend in each of my classes. Didn't do that last time. Any advice on doing that?</p>

<p>Basically, that is my situation, and would really appriciate help. I mean, I literally have a total of 10 friends on my facebook at my school and 5 out of state (15 total). Most people have at least 50 at the lowest. </p>

<p>Any advice would be really appriciated.</p>

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<p>^^^dont u know people from ur sport/school??????</p>

3

<p>The only person you can count on is yourself. Find someone exactly like you that won't get you in trouble.</p>

<p>As for the activities you plan to do... its safe to say you won't do any of those. Class is far more important than anything else.</p>

<p>Other peoples' lives just complicate yours.</p>

4

<p>
[quote]
The only person you can count on is yourself. Find someone exactly like you that won't get you in trouble.</p>

<p>As for the activities you plan to do... its safe to say you won't do any of those. Class is far more important than anything else.</p>

<p>Other peoples' lives just complicate yours.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>wow, all i can say is wow...</p>

5

<p>^^^that is probably the worst attitude i have ever heard....other people make life worth it...whats the point of acheiving your goals if u dont have friends to share it with????....dont be a loner, it will only hurt you, find some people who share ur interests...i guarentee ull be a better person fot it</p>

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<p>Wow, a CC poster who's actually taking productive steps to solve his problem, instead of crying about it online, and doing nothing. </p>

<p>Good luck with those clubs, and don't feel bad about dropping one or two of them if they get to be too much. </p>

<p>Also, just try to attend parties and talk with people. Finally, Facebook is just a collection of people who know you, not friends. </p>

<p>


</p>

<p>I'm guessing DeluxeHardballer recognized his own situation and problem in Comancho's post, and, jealous that someone else is taking active steps to correct it, decided to tell him to not even try, so he can justify his own continued failure.</p>

7

<p>^ You know me. You know exactly what my problem is.</p>

<p>lulz @ stupid people on CC that think they know someone's complete story.</p>

<p>I learned from my mistakes in high school. I focused too much on peripheral crap that wasted my time. I'm not wasting my college years by getting drunk and talking to detractors around me. But hey, its not my life you can control. Everyone does what they see fit.</p>

<p>I'll remember you guys when I'm at the top.</p>

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<p>First, facebook friends mean nothing. I have 80, I talk to about 10 semi-regularly.</p>

<p>Second, don't join clubs unless you really are interested in the activity. Ask yourself: Would I still want to do this activity by myself? Just remember that one club you really enjoy is far better than three or four you don't particularly care for. Clubs should be a commitment. Many students join them for the wrong reasons (myself included). Clubs aren't good for making friends because people are there. Clubs are good for meeting people because they place you in a setting where you have something in common with everyone. If you're joining the ballroom/salsa class make sure you're actually interested in dancing. Or find a girl to partner with regularly (this is gold, dancing brings intimate connections quick, that's why I'm learning to dance). </p>

<p>Third, don't make a friend quota. If you have two great friends you're doing far better than most people. And don't try to make one friend in each class. Try to make a few acquaintances instead. Do that and friends will come. Make the study groups, exchange phone numbers, maybe even ask for help when you don't really need it (use common sense with this one, don't be annoying). Consider talking to upperclassmen in majors that interest you -- they usually love to help a freshman or transfer student and often do become a big brother/sister - friend figure. </p>

<p>Basically, just go out to meet people, and don't try to hard to make a friend. Talk to people about things you have in common like classes, clubs, and sports and if they seem to be interested in you at all (this means reciprocation, e.g. if you ask someone a question, they ask you one as well, generally doing this is just good manners but most people don't pay mind to it as proper etiquette). If not, move on and don't take it personally. Most important, just be amiable and social and friends will find you.</p>

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<p>


</p>

<p>Listen to this guy. He knows what he's talking about. The only (minor) part I would disagree with is asking for help when you don't need it.</p>

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<p>Think of making friends like you do your other goals...figure out the necessary steps and then make it happen. </p>

<p>As for specific advice...First, try keeping your door open if you live in a traditional type dorm. A lot of times if you have good music on, or a nice TV, people will just wander in. Meeting people in class is also easy, you have something in common right off the bat (the class) that you can start a conversation about. Just take the initiave and start talking. The most important thing is to put yourself out there. If you get invited to something where you don't know many people, make yourself go, even if it feels uncomfortable. Start going out to parties. I can't tell you how many random friends I've made at parties. </p>

<p>Believe it or not, talking to all those detractors around you is a skill in and of itself, and one that will help you get to the top. Its no coincidence that most people who get to high levels in business, law, etc... are charming or, at the very least, well networked.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the advice so far, please keep it coming.</p>

<p>I am going to join those clubs. I do genuinely want to learn dance and do those other clubs. I dont know how to dance, but the whole point of growing is expanding and going outside of your box. I did take a dance class once, swing dance, over the summer. Unfortunetly didnt go again, but that was due to schedule **** ups.</p>

<p>Social skills are very important and I learned that the hard way. I became a loner because I thought that was the right thing to do at the time. Sacrifice my social life for my goals. Now I know that it is still important to have goals and work at them, but to never sacrifice your social life. Social skills are probably the most important thing anyone can have, at least that is my belief now. Education is very important as well of course too.</p>

<p>I am going to force myself to go out on the weekends to parties, some social event etc. (unless I absolutly can't do it due to schedule, but it must be an ABSOLUTE reason, not some ******** excuse). </p>

<p>I will be living in an off campus community housing (off campus, but for college students). I will have two roommates I never meet, so I will make sure to get along with them. I will try to befriend my neighbors, classmates, and people in the clubs. Also people I meet at parties. </p>

<p>I guess its not going to get fixed overnight, but it is what it is. Sure, you might not talk to all the people you have on facebook, but it sort of looks bad when you add someone to facebook and they think (why does this guy have no one on facebook)? Contrary to popular belief, what others think does matter. Not that you make that rule your life, always stand up for stuff, but also give a **** as well.</p>

<p>Anyways, please keep advice coming, I could use the help.</p>

12

<p>Ignoring DH's post, as usual...</p>

<p>You're going the right direction with the clubs. They're a great way to meet people, especially in things you enjoy doing anyway. Might want to take it a little slower though, unless you're sure you can handle all of that.</p>

<p>Don't do the "one friend a day" thing. Just make friends as they come. With all the clubs they should come fairly naturally, too. Try to get some people together from your dorm to go out and see a movie or play football or something.</p>

<p>edit: Alchemy gave some very good advice. Follow it.</p>

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<p>Good for you for wanting to learn how to dance (girls love that!). I do swing, and my ex taught me how to salsa and meringue and I'd love to learn some other ballroom as well. </p>

<p>I would say just like, talk to people in classes and in the clubs. Dancing is a great way to get to know somebody. I actually met alot of my really good friends at swing dancing. Ask people if they want to do a study group in your class. Be nice to your roommates and invite them out to get some food or something.</p>

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<p>Good luck getting ass at clubs. Where I'm from, all the girls do in clubs is drink and show off to the guys there. They just look for compliments to boost their self-esteem.</p>

<p>Poor guys... they don't realize the girls aren't there to get laid...</p>

<p>EDIT: I thought you meant clubs and bars. For special interest clubs at the school, don't join for the wrong reasons.</p>

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<p>Actually, girls do go out to get laid just like guys do. You might not know that though because they're not digging you. Just because you go up to a girl doesn't mean she is automatically going to like you if your a douchebag.</p>

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<p>wow deluxe hardballer is a major LOSER....dont listen 2 him</p>

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<p>I just read the book "How to Become a Straight-A Student" by Cal Newport. The author is a recent Dartmouth graduate who interviewed dozens of Phi Beta Kappa members at Ivy Leagues and other top schools (basically, the best of the best) on their study habits. It offers a lot of advice about how to minimize your study time so you can maximize your social time - and I definitely plan to use what I learned! (Newport used to pretend to head off to the library during finals week so his friends wouldn't be demoralized by the fact that he wasn't studying and would get an A anyway).</p>

<p>Obviously having more time to socialize helps, but you have to know what to do with it. Since I haven't started college yet, I'm not exactly an expert; however, it seems like you have the right idea. One major suggestion that I have is to smile at everyone you see (or at least as many smiles as you can manage). This not only boosts your confidence and makes you happier, but will make people more comfortable around you. You can also make small talk with random people, when you're standing in line or whatever. Additionally, if you're transferring there may be something at your school for transfer students that helps them meet other newbies.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>I constantly hear of the importance of smiling. I have a hard time forcing myself to smile for no reason though. It feels ackward. Not argueing with you, I totally agree smiling makes you seem more open and friendly, just hard for me to force myself to do it for no reason. I need to work on that.</p>

<p>Love to here what the Frat guys were doing to make time.</p>

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<p>I'm sure girls find you awkward when you spell it "ackward."</p>

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<p>Keep the advice coming, I would like to hear other peoples input.</p>