Are there reading groups? Study groups? Interdisciplinary groups?
Community events. MeetMe (I think it’s called) is another way of finding people with like-interests in the area.
Exercise classes at the university? Yoga, spinning, etc. where she might see the same people week after week? They would have to be university affiliated to be in the classes, so that broadens her pool beyond her department but also limits it to university folks.
My experience was decades ago, and I was a guy in a mostly guy department, but giving some grad student social stuff outside of the dept a try is the best bet. In my day music, both bands and classical, and intramural sports were the good options. Group classes in the gym (yoga, whatever) might be an idea. Quidditch even (as above)! or ultimate or soccer if she is a little athletic, coed intramural teams can be pretty forgiving. No question it’s a challenge - if it helps you can tell her random people on the internet who were once in grad school had experienced similar things.
When I in the second year of my doctoral program, I met my future wife in an interdisciplinary course. I was in one discipline, she was in another, but we happened to take a course in economics – neither of our fields. She was one of 3 women in the course. We somehow agreed to study together for a midterm. She studied for the test. I studied her. She got an A. I got a B. But we started to hang out together more, and even took another course together. By the end of our 4th year we got married. After 8 years of marriage we had our first of two kids. We’re still married – decades later.
Meeting people at the academic cross-sections is possible: public lectures, interdisciplinary courses, short-course training sessions. Also, as others have mentioned, at social gathering spots (other than bars): gyms, films, other social events on campus and off. And there is volunteer participation in campus or off-campus activities (e.g., election work or other voluntary work on or off campus, religious services or other activities, and campus events that need student volunteers).
I should mention a potential complication. The job market and career ladder is often difficult for academic couples (both with doctorates). If just one is an academic, and they are flexible about location and other things, not such a problem. But if both are academics it’s probably better if they are in different disciplines – unless they happen to find jobs in a city or metropolitan area with multiple colleges.
She isn’t looking to date – just for friends. In fact, she has more male attention than she wants right now, at least more interested in some kind of dating connection.
I know one successful woman academic in my mostly male field who says she only survived grad school because of an all girl garage band they threw together. I don’t think they were any good… but that wasn’t really the point.
I was going to suggest living in a grad dorm. But then I saw that her university doesn’t seem to have that option. I met Happydad because his room was next to the kitchen in our grad dorm. 30+ years later, we are still close with a number of people from the dorm - all kinds of majors, lots of different interests, lifetime friends.
Is there a local alum group for her undergrad college? That could include people both on and off campus, and they’d sort of have something in common even if their undergrad experiences were decades apart.
She is the only person she knows at her university from her school, unfortunately. I really doubt there is an alum group (very small undergrad college most of the way across the country).
Lots of good suggestions here. Might also be time to acknowledge that the adult world is much harder than in college, where you are thrown together with similarly aged peers eager to make new friends. It takes much more work as an adult, and maybe a willingness to try new activities or take more initiative to make friends.
I don’t think anyone said otherwise. But grad school is sort of a strange in-between world, too. Many hours spent on a college campus, and doctorate programs are 5-7 years. But you are neither undergrad nor faculty, and don’t/shouldn’t socialize much with those groups.
Are any of her male colleagues married? Maybe she could seek them out socially and connect with them and their wives? I was a social science PhD student married to a Science PhD student and enjoyed friendships with female science students (and wish I had connected more with the wives of my fellow Econ students.) Agree with the above intramural sports rec. I am not a great athlete but was always welcome to join the Physics teams since they had trouble finding women (to meet the required % for intramurals.)
My daughter is in a male-dominated field and doing a doctorate as well. She has made it totally totally clear that she will not date anyone in her department, period. Most of her friends are male. Some have expressed interest in her, yes, but she has managed to move beyond that and retain friendships. The guys ultimately agree she is smart with this policy. Bad to have drama within the department. Maybe your daughter can be firm 
She also, like your daughter, will not live with anyone in her department. She gets roommates on craigslist, to keep things affordable. She never sees them.
She has joined museums and goes to lectures, events, field trips, that kind of thing. She takes classes in other departments. She is considering a little volunteering, but no time right now. She takes yoga (but everyone just leaves after class).
There are online sites- obviously for dating (which can be used to find companions rather than dates) and ■■■■■■■■■■ and so on. It seems sad but a lot of people in your daughter’s situation, and mine, do use these sites to meet people.
At this point the academic work is the main focus. Social needs seem to go up and down and when the work is the focus, seem less of an issue. If work is not absorbing then finding an activity outside of school seems like a good idea.
I think you find friends when you aren’t looking for them but are engaged in activity in common! It could be anything.
I am trying to remember how I made new friends in grad school, but what I remember mostly is spending 12-15 hours a day in lab, 6 days a week – so my friend group was also my co-worker/lab mate/group member-group. There really wasn’t much time for other activities besides research (and yes, I know that sounds unhealthy.)
That being said, I did make new friends when I took classes outside my major. One of my lab colleagues lived with a bunch of statistics grad students, so I got to know them pretty well, and another colleague was friendly with a bunch of biology grad students. In other words: I became friends with “outsiders” through osmosis - through friends of lab mates.
It was a very intense time, where I had little extra time and energy to spend outside of lab. I did form lasting friendships with the guys in my group – I was the only female in a group of 10, and I did not date any of them until almost the end of my graduate career. For most of that time, we were all “just friends.” I’m not sure how it worked out that way…
I know a fair number of grad students now, though my work. They spend far less time in lab than I did (…slackers!..) and they appear to have wider friend networks. Many of them have joined clubs (rock-climbing) or work on political campaigns or volunteer.
When I was in grad school (similar small number in my PhD cohort), I found myself one night at a law school party. I think someone in my grad housing must’ve invited me. Anyway, that really opened up possibilities for friends. If she can find a handful of grad students in other programs it might help. Is she living in grad housing or off campus? Grad housing for me meant striking up conversations in the laundry room and at the bus stop out front bc everyone there was in the same situation.
My DD is also in a male dominated field as well, but has managed to make friends with a number of her colleagues. Her department is pretty large, and she has made friends with both male and female grad students in her department. The department has a number of social activities as well - afternoon breaks, end of semester gatherings, etc.
She is big into sports, so she also plays intramural sports (her school has a number of grad teams and co-ed teams), she joined an adult women’s soccer team and has a close friend from the team, she also coaches a youth soccer team (no friends, but something that gives her an activity away from academics). As others have suggested, she takes classes in other departments and attends a lot of lectures and seminars.
At a university, you can usually steal a few hours and go to lectures or presentations in fields other than your own, and seek out other grad students (or young faculty not in your department, or older undergrads) there. When I was younger, and less attached, including when I was in law school, I did that a fair amount, and could have done it more had I not ultimately doubled down on law school activities, and moved in with the person I ultimately married.
She, by the way, developed friends other than I by (a) playing in a pickup string quartet, (b) learning how to play racquetball and finding regular playing partners among people she dealt with, and © volunteering at and ultimately joining the board of a battered women’s shelter.
Other people I know made friends by pursuing their interest in music – sometimes formally, like joining a choral group, sometimes informally, by finding people to play with at open mic nights and the like. Another way people I know have met friends is by joining an active food coop or CSA organization, and meeting people while doing mandatory/volunteer work there, or even just going to events publicized on the bulletin board. And, yes, politics, too.
One thing to consider is that socially (and in other ways too), grad school is really more like a new job than going to undergraduate college. Some new graduate students may unconsciously expect to have the kind of built-in community of peers that college frequently provides, but it’s really not the case. Many graduate students, for example, are married or have families, or they are working along with attending class. They are not going to “hang out.” Sometimes, the only things you have in common with people in your program are your intellectual interests. So the good advice above to a new graduate student about how to make friends in a new work or living environment is pretty much the same as would be given to any young person who moves to a new city for a job, etc.
@ProfessorMom1 There is no grad school specific housing on her campus, unfortunately.
Good suggestions about going to events & lectures on campus. I will pass that on. I think she’d go to a party or event with other students (like the law students) if she were asked.
Yes, part of what is going on is that quite a few of her cohort are married or seriously coupled, and don’t do much socializing.
She has an ironclad rule that I expect she will keep to not date within her dept (no students, postdocs, or profs). I think she’ll keep it. She has no interest in dating anyone at the moment. Just wants friends that aren’t this same small group.
So far she is not buried in work. She is finding the academics easier than her undergrad, and has already passed one of the two qual tests. She is volunteering in a lab about a day a week (unpaid because her stipend is for TA, not RA, but she was excited to start learning the new equipment, and they will pay her this summer). And she still has free time. I expect that will change, but it seems like a good time to meet people.
I’ve seen hanging out in other departments work, as well as music - especially chorus if she’s open to that at all. These, as well as most of what I’ve seen work, has been covered by previous posts, but here’s a different one: language&culture clubs (e.g. Japanese language club). Their activities are pretty light and fun, often they include people other than just students/undergrads, and the only requirement is an interest in the culture or language (i.e. you don’t have to be japanese to join a japanese language club).
Meet-Up