<p>I am currently a week into my sophomore year in college and i only have two friends. Neither of these friends are very reliable though. One is in a sorority and she lives in the house. Most of her free time is spent with them. The other isn't coming back next year. i have tons of acquaintances but just saying hi to someone isnt a very satisfying social experience.
I feel like most people make their friends from their hallway freshmen year. Last year i got unlucky and roomed with a girl who wasn't interested in meeting new people. She wouldn't even let me leave our door open. I had a very hard time adjusting to college and I spent most of last year feeling depressed. Being shy and depressed is the recipe to not make friends.
My living situation: i am living with one of my friends, and a sophomore and a junior, both of which we didn't know until school started. My suit-mates are nice but, they already have tons of friends.i feel like they aren't interested in making more friends and they don't need me as a friend. It is very difficult to try to befriend people who already have their perfect friend group. One of my suit-mates is hardly ever in the suite because she is always hanging out with her friends. The rest of my floor is half freshmen and half upperclassmen. The logical thing to do would be to befriend the other freshmen since they are trying to make friends like me. I feel like this isn't working out for me either. i know this sounds stupid but the freshmen arrived a day before the upperclassmen. I feel like they got the chance to bond during the freshmen hall events and such and they clicked off before I even got to campus. i also feel weird trying to befriend the freshmen since I am a year older. i feel like they are thinking, "Doesn't she already have friends? Why is she trying to befriend us?" Regardless, I hung out with a few freshmen on my floor the other day. Is it okay to knock on their door and see if they want to grab food or whatever after only hanging out with them once? I would feel so weird doing that. I feel like I dont know what is appropriate and what is weird.
I understand how people make friends and how things work out for others. I noticed that the freshmen or even upperclassmen wanting to make friends, make friends in pairs (roommates) or groups (suites of 4). This takes a lot of the pressure off of trying to make friends and makes things less awkward. If i ever want to make friends, i have to do it alone. For someone who is shy, awkward, and lacking self confidence, this is extremely daunting.
What should I do to make more friends? i have people who I sit with in my classes but how do class buddies turn into actual friends? I plan on joining a community service based club but it didnt start yet. I feel like I screwed up freshmen year and I ruined my chance of having a social life for the next three years. I feel like everyone around me is having the time of their lives and I am destined to be miserable. All my friends from home love college. I want to be happy for them but their joy just makes me feel more sad and lonely. i am so frustrated and angry that I am having such a hard time making friends. I feel like I am missing out on something that is supposed to be amazing. At this point i am seriously considering transferring at the end of this year to a college 10 miles alway from my house and commuting. At least I will have my parents so i wont be so lonely. I know that resorting to that option is pathetic but cannot go through another two years of being miserable. I dont know what to do. How can i make more friends? Is making friends supposed to be this difficult? I am starting to think that there is something wrong with me and i am just not meant to enjoy college.</p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with you at all. Not everyone’s a social butterfly, and for people like us it takes more of an effort to form and maintain friendships. I’ve lucked out with an amazing set of friends back home, and it was 100% chance that I was in the class (Sophomore year) where I met all of my friends at college.</p>
<p>The best way is to just be proactive. It doesn’t take a lot, a “what’re you up to later/tomorrow/this weekend” is usually all you need to open someone else up. If they don’t, no biggie. You’re overthinking it, just blank your mind out when you’re asking if you have to.</p>
<p>hey julie, i was just wondering how did things end up working out for you? i’m a sophomore in college too and i am going through the exact same thing. its been a whole semester and i still don’t really have any friends. i just wanted to know if things worked out for you and if they did, what did you do and if they didn’t, what are you going to do for next year?</p>
<p>This, ladies and gentlemans, is why it is important to get to know as many people as possible the first year. You need to get your own group of buddies during the first quarter, since people start hanging out with each other and become more and more exclusive. By second year, it is harder.</p>
<p>jetson, don’t be an a hole. its not like people sit in their rooms and yell at everyone who knocks on their door to go away. its harder for some people to make friends dillhole.</p>
<p>Oh wow, it’s a relief to know I’m not alone in this…I’m a freshman, but I feel exactly the same way. I resent that this process is so natural for other people. It also doesn’t help that I go to the same college as my best friend…we have a lot of fun together but she has other friends and I don’t, which feels so limiting.</p>
<p>I barely had any friends first semester of freshman year. Second semester I started hanging out with one of my friends from high school and her group of friends from her dorm. That group kind of went separate ways after freshman year but I started dating one of the members in fall of sophomore year. We got a new friend group entirely for the fall of sophomore year, but in junior year we left that group as well essentially, though still keeping in contact with many of the members (just no longer hanging out at all). New friend group in junior year. Guess what? It’s gone, too, for the most part. Now we pretty much have a new friend group senior year.</p>
<p>My point is I don’t think it’s as important as you think it is to make all of your friends freshman year. Such groups tend to fall apart due to drama. The important thing about them is that you will generally find a couple of close friends in the midst of everything, and those are the ones who will stick with you.</p>
<p>“Class buddies” turn into actual friends first with study groups, and then by having it evolve into hanging out without doing anything related to the class. In this case I think it’s easier starting in sophomore year and definitely junior and senior year when you start taking classes in your major and having the same classes with a consistent group of people.</p>
<p>Last year I returned to college having taken two years off for mental health reasons. I was worried because I didn’t have any friends, I had to live with my family, and a lot of people at school knew why I left. What I did was every Saturday, I went to the dorms and asked new freshmen if they wanted to go out to lunch. I figured the new kids wanted to make friends as much as I did, and I’ve never not been able to find people to eat with me. It didn’t work out as well as it could have because I didn’t spend much time following up. I was only at the dorms a couple times a week while the freshmen were seeing each other every day. But I did manage to find a boyfriend this way, and after that I stopped doing it.</p>
<p>tl;dr freshmen haven’t closed off their social options after a day, it usually takes several weeks or months before that happens. Also I’d like to add that being an upperclassman often gives you cool points instead of making you look creepy. This year I asked a freshman if she wanted to hang out and she was like “well I have to get work done…oh wait, you’re an upperclassman? never mind then, I’ll come with you!”</p>
<p>tl;tl;dr:
</p>
<p>Yes, that is exactly what you do.</p>