So I made the terrible mistake of being really quiet and introverted for the first 9 weeks of school and now I don’t know how to make friends. I am a pretty introverted person and I think people know that now, they leave me alone, because it seems like I want to be alone. Everyone seems to have friend groups and I don’t really know how to talk to people or start a conversation.
What do you do when you’re at lunch and you are looking for a table, just sit alone? because I can’t just go up to a group and ask to sit, they’re having a conversation that I can not relate to and I’ll just be quiet. I don’t go to parties and none of the clubs or activities sound interesting to me. I really want to make friends, but I don’t even know how to being talking to someone. What do I say? They seem busy. They’re going somewhere. They are with other people talking about something that happened in their dorm the night before. Do they want me to come up to them and talk with them? So any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks!
Do you have a part time job? It is a good way to meet people. Look for volunteer opportunities on or near campus, too. Regarding activities, what did you do in high school? Is there anything you enjoyed then you could continue?
I’ll check out the volunteer opportunities. As for a job, I plan to work at a hotel with a lot of people out of college. My high school had 200 people in it and everyone knew everyone, you couldn’t hide and I found friends that way from the beginning.
Have you thought about joining a club at your school? Perhaps there’s a book club or something. Make sure to join a club that interests you because of its content, not just the ppl who join it.
Also, I know that you are introverted, but it does help to make that extra effort to get to know somebody. I’m sure that there must be some people that you find interesting at your school. Make an effort to get noticed by them. Trust me, they’ll know that you’re there. You’re not invisible! Put your fear to the side of you, don’t leave it in front of you preventing you from TONS of opportunities. Just put it to the side where you consult it from time to time.
You got this!
It is harder to make friends when you are introverted and shy. Start slowly, but if you really want it to happen you are going to have to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little. Try chatting with a peer near you went waiting for a class to start, then before the class starts invite them to go get a coffee (or other beverage) after class. This type of scenario can happen if you study in a more public place in your dorm, like a common room, or at the library. As for meals, will your roommate let you join in his/her group? Also, go when it is crowded so that you might be forced to sit with other people and don’t worry about joining in on the conversation, but be open to it.
Volunteer activities and rethinking clubs. Even if you are only borderline interested, you might do it just to be exposed to potential friends.
Lastly, really think about how many friends you need. Many introverts don’t seem to need a large loud group, but rather a smaller, more intimate circle.
In any case, when you are new someplace, friendships take time. You haven’t had to make friends before in any real way, they were all there for you. There’s a lot to be learned in figuring out how to do this. Good luck!
whamilton, I feel for you. My D is also having difficulty finding her “tribe” because she is an introvert as well and also came from a very small town/school. I can only imagine how lonely it feels to eat your meals by yourself and have no one to talk to. Some of the advice I gave her was to stay on campus on the weekends (her first trip home will be Thanksgiving), join a few clubs, work on campus (she has met a few people this way), sit in the dorm lounge with a bowl of candy in front of her and offer it out as people enter, seek someone out that is in the same class and ask questions about the homework, sit down with a group at lunch (JUST DO IT!) and just listen if you can’t find the nerve to interject. If they don’t include you, try a different table the next day. And, most importantly, keep in mind that most students are in the same boat, some are just more extroverted. Its hard for everyone. Good luck! I’ll add that in the last two weeks my D has been included in a few small outings so I think its just a matter of time.