<p>I came from a really small high school. My graduating class had only 78 students. In high school I knew everybody and had lots of friends. I've always been an outgoing person and I don't really care what people think about me. I was really excited to meet new people and make new friends in college. My first couple of weeks was a complete blur. I did all the right things, I went to a lot of "meeting new people" events on campus. I joined a club, I talked to a lot of new people in my classes, like I said, I'm not normally the shy type. I just can't understand how I'm not making friends. I know this is online so you don't really know what I'm like in person but I promise I'm not ugly, weird, or obnoxious. I live in a dorm and my roommate is a sophomore and I barely ever see her cause she's always staying with her boyfriend. The girls on my hall are very introverted. Most of them have their doors shut, and the few that don't are sorority girls. no offense of course! there are good sororities out there but the one that they joined is the not so nice one.
I was trying so hard to make friends the first couple of weeks that I wore myself out. Before I would go to eat dinner I would walk down my hall and ask every single person with their door open if they wanted to go eat with me, keep in mind I did this about 3 times, and they all said no EVERY TIME for one reason or another. I got this one girls number who seemed really nice but anytime i ask her if she wants to do something she's busy. these past couple of weeks (i've been in college for 4 weeks now) i decided to stop trying so hard, i sort of gave up. But now it just seems like everyone already has their new friends except for me.
I have this book called "beating the college blues" I finally read some of it my third week and got really upset when it said, if you are still feeling homesick and experiencing anxiety a few weeks in, maybe college isn't for you. I couldn't believe it! what else am I supposed to do! of course college is for me, I need an education to have the career I want someday, I'm just having trouble making friends. Does anyone have any better advice than that book?</p>
<p>its really funny, because i was feeling the exact same way. As a matter of fact it seems like we go to the same school (buffalo game today?) Anyhow, I'm from out of state going to this huge university, 70ish people in my class, I was well-liked etc... But I found the first weeks were very hard. I had little friends and I was constantly on the phone with my friends from home crying. But then I met this one girl, and we INSTANTLY clicked. Through her, I made more friends and it also made me more confident so I made friends outside of her and her group. I really don't know what advice to give you but you WILL find friends eventually. In the meantime, just focus on your grades so you can possibly transfer? But honestly, I see people at my school (upperclassmen) and I'm like "how the hell did they make friends??" all in time...</p>
<p>The best advice I can give you -- and I'll warn you that I'm not that great at social things -- is to make yourself as pleasant and rewarding to be around as possible. If people want to be around you, you will have the opportunity to let them get to know and like you for you. But if they feel uncomfortable when they're trying to talk to you or spend time with you, they're probably not going to stick around long enough to figure out your finer points.</p>
<p>The two main lessons on this stuff that I've gotten come from Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and my father. I haven't read the Carnegie book in quite awhile, so I won't attempt to explain it, but Amazon has a bunch of copies available for $0.01 + shipping and it may be in your library. It's very light reading.</p>
<p>My father, like me, didn't really fit in very well in the world in which he was raised. At some point, he began to consciously try to learn about the things that the people around him cared about. For instance, he grew up and went to college in a fairly football-obsessed community, and he had no interest in football. He learned enough about it anyway, including reading the sports page, that he could hold a conversation with the people around him. When I was in high school, on the other hand, I had very specific interests, and I knew a lot about those things -- and not that much about too much else. This is when I first heard (from my dad's college roommate) about my father's method, and I began to read "Newsweek" cover to cover every week. Even though I wasn't interested in some sections, I had at least heard of the current events and the figures that mattered to most of the people around me, and I could at least make small talk about them. It did help me to be able to break the ice with people I didn't know -- and I also got exposed to, and became interested in, a number of things that I never would have heard of if I had just stuck with what interested me. (I don't know how my father would feel about the fact that the DVR is set to record two football games this weekend. I didn't grow up in a very football-conscious household or in a very football-conscious region, but after high school I went off to the same school my father attended, and although I don't follow it obsessively I do like to watch a game now and then.)</p>
<p>It may be that, if your neighbors are more introverted, you came off as pushier than they were comfortable with. You can always go tell them that your eagerness to make friends may have been off-putting and ask whether you can start over. But you can also live with not having friends living right next to you and start with people who don't know you yet. I usually find that the op-eds and letters to the editor in local papers (including school newspapers) are worth reading every day in order to give me an idea of what the people around me care about, and you can always look around as people are settling into classrooms or picking up to go and see what hints they offer about interests. Do they have books with them that they seem to be reading for fun? Are they wearing t-shirts that tip you off? If they're already talking to someone else, what are they talking about? What are people doing or talking about when they're just hanging out outdoors?</p>
<p>Or what about your academic department? Do they host colloquia? Journal clubs? Since I assume you have some interest in whatever you're majoring in, getting to know other people who are interested in it too might be a good idea.</p>
<p>Do you go to MU lp1234?</p>
<p>Ive always held faith in the "find one person who you are really good friends with and then look at his friends and find two or three who you can really get along with, then keep branching it like that." Just make friends with someone who has a lot of friends. </p>
<p>Im not in college yet, but thats what worked for me when I had to switch into a huge HS junior year and knew only 1 person.</p>
<p>Consider what you like to do, and what the people in your dorm also like to do, and think of something unique. For example, me and a lot of my friends like to write, so I came up with the idea of having "slush pile parties" (derived from the publishing houses' "slush pile" of sucky work) where we all have a sleepover and sit around and help each other with our ongoing writing projects and writers' block. There's snacks and cookie dough and then we go out and do something fun after.
Think of what you like to do and come up with something unique and fun for you guys. That will make you seem more fun, initiative and dynamic to hang out with.
Stand up for yourself, voice yourself (but not obnoxiously) and be confident. Be someone people want to hang out with, not someone who looks desperate. You want people talking to you because they like you, not out of pity.
Good luck =)</p>
<p>i know you said you joined a club... but another tip is if you have time, you might want to do an activity that's more time consuming like: being in a play, on the newspaper, on a club sport or a club that takes trips (like ski club, or hiking club) - obviously, something that interests you and works with your schedule. if you are around the same people a lot and for along periods of time at once, it's easier to make friends, and if you do an activity you like you'll also tend to meet people with similar interests. my best friend at college made most of his good friends here through the plays he's acted in.</p>
<p>on another note - before i went to college, me and some friends were talking about how we were worried about making friends. one of our older friends said, "you just have to make one good friend." so, don't beat yourself up for not making friends yet - just aim small and try to make one. it makes all the difference, and plus, you may get to be friends with their friends. it sounds like you are headed in the right direction and im sure you will meet that one good friend soon. good luck and dont lost hope!</p>
<p>dramakitty, your slush pile parties sound like a lot of fun. That's a great idea!</p>
<p>
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But now it just seems like everyone already has their new friends except for me
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I entered college as a VERY shy person and started out very slowly socially. It took most of the first semester to find friends that became life-long friends ... my second semester was pretty good ... and then starting my sophomore year I had a great time in college. That first semester I felt feelings similar to yours ... eveyone else was going to parties ... everyone else had made friends ... everyone else was already comfortable and confident ... while I wasn't. After things settled down and I talked to the folks who became my friends I realized my initial feels were far from unique and I was far from alone. While most freshman went off Friday nights to find a party at which they could drink ... not all did ... however those that did were the majority and tended to be the most outgoing and vocal ... so it sure seemed like everyone was going. </p>
<p>As a sophmore, still living in dorms (which I now loved) I made it a point at meal time and especially on weekend nights to roam the halls looking for the kids who were still in their rooms and ask them if they wanted to join whatever group I was in. Ironically, folks who were likely to become good friends of mine were often not so easy to meet. I know you've tried around meal time and it hasn't worked yet ... however I think you were doing the exact right thing; it just hasn't worked yet. You may just be in a dorm with kids who will not turn out to be very good friends ... I'd suggest asking kids from class or your work-study job (or other new groups) about meals/hanging out. Good luck!</p>
<p>nontraditional, thanks! =)</p>
<p>and..joining clubs is a great way to get involved but won't guarantee friends. i'm in lots of clubs and most of my friends tend to be from outside those clubs. but, just be who you are but in a cool, dynamic way so people will gain respect for you. reach out to people, be nice, be thoughtful and people will notice.
maybe...host a movie night or something in your hall? knock on people's doors, offer snacks, say you're showing a movie in your room and there's food and do they want to come?
just like i said before, be friendly and initiate things. people like to hang out with leaders =)</p>