<p>Hi All, This is the very first posting from me. I have a very demotivated but otherwise intelligent freshman who, due to lack of other choices, has landed up taking Marching Band as an elective. The band program in this particular school is very intense as the school prides itself through this particular program (in Texas). He has been spending innumerable hours after school during mandatory rehearsals. It has been 3 weeks since the school started, however, he did not get any chance to understand what is going on in the core subjects. Of course, he is too tired or disinterested on weekends to do more than the minimum required. He has also not taken any initiative in figuring out the course work/ expectations etc. We are wondering if doing Band is worth the time and effort. He was told that it is easier to fulfill the PE and Art credit if he does band for 2 years in high school. I don't know how will he keep up with his course work, given his lack of motivation. Other students are trying to learn to organize & manage their time.
Any advise or suggestions? Does any one have experience with Marching Band? Also, any tip on how to motivate him to do better in high school?</p>
<p>There is no reason for him to be too tired to do more than the minimum. Something is going on here, time for a talk.</p>
<p>I don’t know anything about band. Is he interested in that at least? </p>
<p>Hope you get some better feedback…how frustrating for you.</p>
<p>Marching Band IS A HUGE deal in Texas. Does he play an instrument? Is he enjoying band? It is very time consuming and demanding, and a lot of band students are pretty focused on that, giving little time for other OUTSIDE. activities. BUT, their grades tend to be better than your average student. Having said all that, I agree. I don’t really think BAND is the problem. Something else is going on.</p>
<p>Tips for motivation: If he likes band, and likes his director, maybe you could, without S’s knowledge, ask the director to have a talk with him. Band directors have been some of the most influential people in my life. They’ve pushed me, encouraged me, taught me to think positively and persevering, helped me to see why academics were important to everything…and so much more. Too much to type on a phone.</p>
<p>I don’t think band is the problem either. In fact, band could be part of the solution. </p>
<p>Your son is a freshman. It could be he is adapting to the rigor and expectations of high school. Is this the first time management challenge he has faced? You may have to help him think through how to get his school work done around band practice. Figuring out how to balance a demanding activity and his class work would be an invaluable lesson for the year. </p>
<p>I agree with cromette that the band kids are smart kids who get good grades. They will make a good peer group. And if your son can use band to take care of his PE requirement and art requirement, that would also be good. </p>
<p>Fwiw my kids play sports and participate in music and the fall is always tough when they go back to school and have to remember how in the world to juggle it all. But they do figure it out, and are happier and better organized for it.</p>
<p>His disinterest, tiredness and lack of motivation aside from band is a big red flag for depression. Has he always been this way to some extent or has it been building? Talk to him but realize if he is depressed he may not be able to communicate what he is feeling.</p>
<p>But to band…it’s a HUGE commitment that you just have to love. Some band directors think that’s all there is in life and monopolize every minute with practice–I happen to think parents need some facetime too. It’s hard to talk to your kid when they’re at school every night at band practice.</p>
<p>As others have said, band is probably not the problem any more than a sport would be. Being part of the band forces students to learn time management. The upperclassmen in band did it before him, and may be able to offer him some tips - as well as help him understand what he’s learning in the other classes. Think about how he would be spending his time if he was not in band - would he be studying and concentrating on his classes, or wasting his time, perhaps hanging out with friends or playing video games? This is an issue of motivation. I would sit down with him and block out his schedule - how much time is he really spending in these rehearsals, and if they’re not immediately after school, what is he doing during the down time? Our school day ends at 2, and rehearsals start at 3:30 (they would be in the evening, but we have a West Nile issue, and outdoor activities have to end at 6:30). Many of the kids stay at school and either meet with teachers or have an informal study hall. Perhaps he needs to see if he can meet with his academic teachers, to see if they have any tips as well. Most of them will have worked with other band students and will understand the schedule.</p>
<p>What would your son be doing if not in marching band? The commitment he is making to marching band is the same as all of the other students in it, and it is not too much for them. And very similar to the commitments athletes make to sports, or thespians to rehearsals. It’s high school, and lots of students have time sucking extra curricular commitments.</p>
<p>In my sons’ experience, these big time commitments were a positive. The commitment forced them to self-impose structure to meet all their commitments–study, sleep, chores, etc.–I found my kids had the most trouble maintaining grades when they had too little going on in their lives.</p>
<p>You need to figure out what is going on with your son. Are you pushing too hard, causing him to become passive -aggressive? Does he have an underlying physical or mental health problem?</p>
<p>Take him somewhere he likes to go for a treat, like pizza or ice cream, and have an adult talk with him. What does he like about high school? What does he dislike? What/how would he change things? Where does he see his strengths? His weaknesses or fears? What help would he like to have?</p>
<p>Listen to what he is saying without imposing your template on him.</p>
<p>How does he feel about band, about the time commitment? What are his alternatives? Especially now–is the add/drop period over? Would he be short a credit if he dropped now? Would he enjoy the alternatives to band more–or would he hate PE class, and how many would he need to take?</p>
<p>Children become adults in bits and pieces, stops and starts and it’s not always easy. They are learning about themselves and sometimes it is important to learn what they don’t like/don’t want to pursue as well as all the good and easy things.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone else: plenty of other kids have ECs such as sports that require practice every day from half an hour after school ends to about 4:30, year round. And some of them combine this with music study and youth symphonies/wind ensembles and the like that require yet more time for lessons and practice.</p>
<p>Band is not the problem. Something else is going on. I’d try boysX3’s plan to start.</p>
<p>When you say the minimum required, what do you mean? Does he do all homework? Study for tests? What else do you think he should be doing?</p>
<p>Thank you for your valuable suggestions and comments. I do think he is passive-aggressive and sometimes I wonder if he feels depressed (only when challenged with difficult school homework, activities etc.). He is happy and chilled during summer times when he doesn’t have to worry about meeting homework deadlines. His teachers have described him as passive but very intelligent ( All teachers, across the board have felt that he is a very smart kid with very intelligent points to make when he willingly participates in class discussions ) However, he has an attitude of not caring or not respecting the teachers who he does not like. He perpetually shies away from interacting with teachers and will never ever approach them with any questions or queries. ( I think he feels diffident in presence of an authority figure). He used to read tons of books up until he was in 6th grade, later the handheld devices (itouch & iphone) took over his life. Now, he only likes to watch movies, mostly about war, crime etc. He had always been the kind (since childhood) who would get overwhelmed if asked to do too much so I had slowly cut down the activities to give him more space. I have since realized that the space is now filled with movie watching and TV shows like ‘How I met your mother’. He has this attitude (of being annoyed) when either my husband or I try to talk to him. He will not respond with anything more than a word if we try to talk to him. Yes, you may be right in assuming that I had expected too much from him and probably was pushing him hard. But, when I stopped pushing, all he did was watch movies & TV shows. I am at my wits end. Need help in guiding him well.</p>
<p>DS13 was in marching band for all 4 years. It was a huge time commitment in the fall. So much so that I did not have DS17 sign up for it this fall. Some kids can do after school activities until 8 or 9 pm at night and then come home and do their school work. DS13 could but I knew that DS17 would have trouble. If it works for them it’s great but if they get overwhelmed it’s a whole different story. </p>
<p>I think a lot of freshman have trouble in the beginning of school adapting to the amount of work required in high school. DS17 is having trouble with time management. So basically every night when he comes home I ask what homework he has to do in each class. Then I ask him what order he is planning on doing them in. Later in the evening I ask him if he has everything done. Does he like it that I ask him every day no… what kid would? But the work has to be done so until I know he is on task all the time that’s the way it has to be. Perhaps you could try that with your son. He may just not know where to start and so he avoids it. AS far as motivation I’m not really sure. I keep trying to tell DS17 that if he doesn’t get the grades DS13 did he will not have as many available choices for college. Right now that doesn’t seem to help. But maybe if your son wants to go to a certain college you could explain what grades are needed to get accepted.</p>
<p>Deepda: Can’t tell if your son is a normal teen or something beyond the norm. It could be that he turned into a teenager! Is he your first? As a parent i would encourage the marching band because what else will he do with his time? He won’t be reading or asking teachers more questions, that is for sure.</p>
<p>I can’t help but respond with him maybe being depressed. Hopefully I’m off base (I only have your very small snapshot) but I have to throw the possibility out there. I know tons of people out there say “get over it, it’s a phase, he’s lazy, give him MORE to do” but if you’ve ever encountered depression you would know that’s not how it works. Doing video stuff is the path of least resistance–no brain drain, no need for input, nobody bothers you. It takes energy to respond to real life–parents, school, homework. The depressed person only knows that it is not normal–they become numb, not really feeling anything…they know they SHOULD feel bad about not doing/accomplishing their goals but they don’t. So a kid may agree–yeah, I should be doing/working on all those activities–but can’t.
Again, hope this isn’t the case–just keep your eyes open.</p>
<p>If it is a simple problem of time management–get rid of band unless your son has become attached to it in a big way. Band is a time/family time sucker/stress that doesn’t warrant the efforts. There are better ways to spend your time–even in Texas.</p>
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<p>He may be depressed or he may have anxiety about school. If so, and it sounds like those are possible issues here, those need to be addressed ASAP. However, regardless of what else is going on, he is being rude to you, your husband, and at least some of his teachers. He is also apparently spending way too much time in front of a TV or electronic device.</p>
<p>I suggest the following:
- Psychological and educational evaluations to look for depression, anxiety, and any learning disabilities.
- Very limited screen time – computer use only for school courses or school-related activities like e-mailing classmates and teachers about assignments, no TV at all. Take away the iPod, iPhone, his personal computer, etc.
- An attitude adjustment. Tell him that regardless of what else is going on in his life, he is not allowed to be rude to you or to his teachers. Explain that you will go to any lengths to help him. Be sympathetic if he starts to open up. Tell him that if he is civil and cooperates with efforts by you, teachers, counselors, etc. to help him, he will earn (limited) screen privileges.</p>
<p>I don’t want to sound unsympathetic. He may need psychological intervention. However, you have the right to expect that he be polite to you and his teachers.</p>
<p>Marching band could end up energizing and motivating him or it could be a time-sucking disaster. However, I don’t think that it’s the main problem here. If he really, really hates band, I wouldn’t insist that he do it.</p>
<p>I am just leaving to watch 2 of my teens march with the band in the first football game. It has been a good experience for us. Band provides social support. It provides them with a place at a too big school. The younger ones benefit from the older ones experience in both academics and social skills. It gives them something positive to do and keeps them too busy to get into trouble.<br>
Plus they get physical exercise musical knowledge and and a teambuilding experience. Colleges like to see extracurriculars like band. Most bands offer leadership positions for upperclassmen.
The downsides are that it doesn’t leave a lot of room for other electives. Since it is not weighted it can hurt class rank slightly. And of course the time commitment. After football /contest season band will not be as time consuming. Our as practices stop the first of Nov.
It is too late to drop this season. It sounds like you have some other things going on. HS and marching are big adjustments. Does yr kid like band?</p>
<p>I am currently a senior and have been in marching band and indoor percussion all throughout high school. We practice four days a week for three hours a day, plus being gone all day on Saturdays for contests. And I have plenty of time to volunteer, be in Student council, hang out with my boyfriend, and keep up my grades. I have been a part of some amazing experiences through band, and it has given me a solid circle of friends since the day I joined. I have a leadership position and a band director who will write me a meaningful letter of recommendation for college. If your son can manage his time well, band will be a powerful part of his college application… And a powerful influence on his life. </p>
<p>My grades are always better during band because I know I have a very limited amount of time and can’t postpone doing my homework. Our band does grade checks and the directors get on kids who aren’t doing well. Our band has a tutoring list of upperclassman willing to help- maybe you could ask the band director for a few dedicated upperclassmen who would be willing to help your son? Is he taking full advantage of study halls, resource periods, even times like riding in the car to work on his homework? Is he using an agenda to keep track of assignments? Maybe it would help to schedule some homework time, where all electronics are put away and he HAS to focus. </p>
<p>Another thing to keep in mind is the physical requirements of band can be extreme. Long, hot practices after a day of school are awful. He needs to be drinking a lot of water, eating a big breakfast, and going to bed early during the school week. This way he will not be so tired on the weekends. </p>
<p>I truly wish the best to you and your son. My family has loved being in band, my parents both volunteer and have made friends themselves. It is a great social outlet and a way to learn about music and life lessons. I have no regrets about the thousands of hours I have probably spent at band, it has been worth it. As I see my time in band coming to an end, I realize how positively it has impacted my life.</p>
<p>marching band (and concert band the rest of the year) is one of the best activities to be involved in, IMO. Of course I am biased.</p>
<p>kids at that age grow so fast that they may become iron deficient which makes them tired. It is a really simple fix, get him checked for iron deficiency. Other than that it is good to be involved with band and should help him stay focused.</p>