<p>So my essay kinda screwed up my score (I wanted over 2000 and had thought I would forsure get a 10 essay which woulda bumped me from 1990 to above 2000+).
Prompt:
Is striving to achieve a goal always the best course of action, or should people give up if they are not making progress?</p>
<p>An ancient proverb states that, "Sometimes the best course of action when progress is not made is too give up this action." It is an idiosyncrasy among the human race to strive towards a goal even when it is not achievable. Sometimes the best course of action is too give up in the struggle, even though as a whole, our society frown upon this action. This belief is particularily evident through examination of Arthur Miller's play, "Death of a Salesman," and through the life of American Drug Lord Frank Lucas. </p>
<p>Arthur Miller's scintillating composition highlights this belief. The tragic hero in the play, Willy Lohman, is led too his decline due to his unsuccessful persuit of the "American Dream." Willy is a hardworking man who displays a strong penchant for his sons; however, he does not provide the elegant lifestyle he so desperately loathes. In persuit of this lifestyle, Willy is led too the act of suicide, in order for his family to recieve his life insurance premium. Thus his obstinate approach too his goal ends up serving him and the Lohman family in a negative manner. </p>
<p>Another epitome of this belief can be examined through the life of Frank Lucas. Lucas moved to New York City in a quest too become the potentate of crime in America. He meets up with Harlem Thug, Clarence Williams III (aka. Bumpy Johnson) who lives vicariously through Lucas and shows Lucas the ropes of underground crime. Once Clarence passes away, Lucas becomes the ruler of Harlem. Unfortunately for Lucas, he is so stubborn in achieving his grandiose dream that his luck eventually runs out. He is incarcerated in January of 1975 with a 70 year sentence. Thus his perseverance in relation too his dream serves him for the worst. </p>
<p>Through the play, "Death of a Salesman," and the historic life of John Lucas, it can be concluded that many times this dogmatic attitude towards ones dreams can many times exacerbate the situation. Perseverance under the most extreme conditions is not always positive. As Isaac Newton once said, "Those who persevere, must also know when it is right too do so."</p>
<p>I know it wasn't flawless, but tell me what you guys would give it and where I went wrong.</p>
<p>I’m going to go ahead and guess you got an 8. For the simple reason of spelling errors, and a not particularly strong conclusion. Also I don’t think loathe was the best word you could have used when describing Death of a Salesman. Don’t feel bad I wrote what I believed to be a great essay, but I had a very weak conclusion and only a page and a quarter in length which resulted in a 6. Ugh. Just try to strengthen your conclusion next time and by all means use advanced vocab but make sure it’s the best possible word.</p>
<p>your vocabulary was good, your thesis was good but your supporting examples were pretty confusing. coupled by spelling errors of “too” and wrong vocabulary words “loathe means hate not desperately want”, I personally had to read it 3-4 times before I understood how those examples supported the thesis. Maybe I’m just not that great at Critical reading, but if it took me 3-4 times how frustrated do you think the test readers were when they only spend 1-2 mins per essay? The examples were kinda brief too, when you use less than 3 examples, you really should expand on the 2 examples more or if you use 1 example, expand it to 3 aspects. </p>
<p>What you could’ve done was talk more about how Willy and Frank struggled in their journey for their goal and how they inevitably failed. You seemed to talk about how they wanted to do a goal and then how they failed, never really how they struggled/wasted their time. </p>
<p>That’s sort’ve why I like the 1 half or 2 pages-approach. While true length isn’t everything and handwriting type isn’t the same for everyone it’s a good gauge. If you use 1 example… you have to expand it thoroughly so each paragraph in the body would equal out to 3 paragraphs similar to if you had 3 supports, same concept with 2 supports and the 3 supporting examples. </p>
<p>Now this doesn’t mean just write 2 pages of crap, and while length doesn’t always mean quality, in a short 25 min essay like this, unless you talk about random BS, the length/details you provide will be the only graded quality the graders can focus on. I’m not saying that spelling errors and verb/noun agreements don’t count, but if you have enough details where the grader can ignore the sentence you incorrectly wrote, and still get the supporting details, then you’re fine. </p>
<p>-P.S. Maybe I’m misinterpreting your writing, but that’s just my two cents.</p>