Mark my SAT practice essay please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi, </p>

<p>I wrote a practice SAT essay, and I was wondering if someone could help rate it for me (from 1-6). Thanks!</p>

<p>Topic: Is there always another explanation or another point of view? </p>

<p>Essay:
In this world, every single thing will show there is always a "however." Simply take mankind's evolution from primitive to a highly advanced race; something that has changed all of our lives so drastically. </p>

<p>There once was a time, when humans led primitive lives. They would rely on their resources in their surrondings and try to make the most of it. Everything was used, from plants to animals, teeth to dung. It was important to respect every living organism killed. The environment was protected and respected. </p>

<p>Then, men slowly started to evolve. They grew technologically advanced. Now, cars have been invented, machines were used in place of human labor, and electricity was provided to power our new creations. Everything slowly changed our lives, from hard, tiring and risky, to one of comfort and relaxation. </p>

<p>However, not everything may be for the better. What is a major problem in our modern world today? Global warming, an isssue that is growing every second. On the news, in our classrooms, we are constantly reminded and encouraged to attempt to stop global warming. Now ask yourself- what causes global warming? Greenhouse gases- the very gases that are emited every day by our new inventions. Yes, we have obliviously cause ourselves a major problem. </p>

<p>Why, if there had been no evolution, it is clear there would be no environmental crisis- humans were much too careful in the past about their approaches towards Mother Nature. But in an effort to benefit themselves, men have changed. Many would agree if was for the better. Still, there are evident downsides. As true as it is that we have solved many hardships, in the meantime, we have also created other crisises, ones that are much more drastic in comparison. Was all this change 100% for the better? No.</p>

<p>It becomes clear to one pondering, that in each and every scenario, there is always a "however," another point of view. Neither one is "right," and neither one is "wrong." Only put together will they make a whole.</p>

2

<p>I’d give you a 7 or 8 out of 12 (3 or 4 out of 6, I guess).</p>

<p>You should expand on your thesis in the introduction. What is it about mankind’s evolution that makes you think of a “however”?</p>

<p>For example, take mankind’s evolution from primitive beings to a highly advanced race. This evolution is something that has drastically improved the quality our lives but with it comes a caveat- global warming.</p>

<p>Your conclusion is also weak and I don’t really understand what you mean by “Only put together will they make a whole.”</p>

<p>You should say something like “this is one of many scenarios where there is always a however.”</p>

<p>As for your body paragraphs,</p>

<p>Why, if there had been no evolution, it is clear there would be no environmental crisis- humans were much too careful in the past about their approaches towards Mother Nature. But in an effort to benefit themselves, men have changed. Many would agree if was for the better. Still, there are evident downsides. As true as it is that we have solved many hardships, in the meantime, we have also created other crisises, ones that are much more drastic in comparison. Was all this change 100% for the better? No.</p>

<p>^That is a very weak paragraph. I do not follow what you are talking about in the last few sentences of this paragraph.</p>

<p>The idea for your argument is good. “Men have evolved to gain better lives, but are things really better?” Your examples and explanations are vague and this is what makes your actual argument weak. You should be more specific and thorough instead of leaving the readers to guess what you are talking about.</p>

3

<p>I see what you mean…
Thanks! I’ll see what I can do to improve.
Considering this my first attempt ever, I suppose I should be glad I didn’t get a 1? Oh well. :P</p>

4

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<p>No, because a 1 is something that’s at the level of a 2nd or 3rd grader.</p>

<p>I’d give this a 3/6. Thoughts about a 2 came into my mind a couple times while reading this, but the length of the essay as well as the good grammar are redeeming factors.</p>

<p>The largest problem I found with this essay is a lack of focus and direction and no real path that I (as a reader) can follow for your ideas. After reading your introduction, I had expected a evolution vs. creationism essay (evolution being “another explanation or point of view” as stated in the prompt). However, it turned into an essay about how humans have become more technologically advanced, which doesn’t lend itself well to the topic at all.</p>

<p>Your argument seems more geared towards an essay like “Do negative consequences and positive consequences always have to occur?” or something of that nature. You did a nice job arguing that something seemingly positive (evolution) had negative consequences. Since your essay kind of missed the point of the prompt, I was very confused throughout. At the end, I never felt like you made a solid argument about your thesis (that “there is always a ‘however’”).</p>