<p>Does anyone have experience with their child getting married while they were still attending college? Did it work out well or not?</p>
<p>I'm hoping my son and his girlfriend stick to their plan to wait until after graduation to get married. They are only in their second year of what may take five years to complete, so they have a fairly long wait. My mother hinted that she thought they should get married sooner since they are so obviously committed to each other, but I think that would bring added complications that might hinder their degree completion. </p>
<p>I have no direct experience with children getting married during college. However, I knew several couples who got married during college. We went to an engineering school, with a very difficult five year curriculum. The couples I knew seemed pretty much like everyone else! It worked out well in the end for some, not so much for others ... but I don't think it was much different for those who waited until after school to get married. Every couple has issues, and some will be able to work them out & stay together ... others won't. I think it has more to do with the individuals than with the timing of the marriage. There is no "perfect" point in life to make a commitment.</p>
<p>If your son decides to get married, your best bet is to be there to support him no matter what. If he asks for your advice (only IF), you might want to share your reservations about the timing. Other than that, it's his life. You will worry, of course ... but I imagine every parent feels that way, no matter the timing of the marriage.</p>
<p>No one should get married until they could support themselves. Before you get married you should discuss your goals in life, where you want to live, how many children (if any), how you want to raise your children...the list could go on. When you are in college you are still finding yourself. I don't think you are mature enough to make a life long commitment to another person. We live so much longer now. Even if you get married when you are 30, there is a possibility that you could be married to the same person for 50 years. I married right out of college. It worked out fine for me. I was a different person at 30 than at 22, what I wanted out of life changed, and luckily my husband went along with it. I say why rush it. If you truly love each other, it wouldn't matter if you get married now or 10 years later. If you don't, a piece of paper is not going to keep you together.</p>
<p>Married in college 30 years ago. Both finished on time with degrees in engineering. If I knew then what I know now, would I have waited until out of school, yes. But 30 years ago, I knew everything! That said, still married 30 years later and still happy.</p>
<p>I also got married at 22, while in graduate school (I graduated college young, at almost 21, as I skipped a grade) and have been happily married for 29 years. Like the above posters, I would not advocate my kids getting married that young, although I would not go back and change what I did if I had the chance to do so. It seems very interesting that getting married at around 22 seemed fine and normal to us, but now does not seem to be as well accepted for our own kids.</p>
<p>I got married at age 18, three weeks after my high school graduation. My husband, two years older, had already dropped out of college and was making a good living as a software engineer. We had been dating for 3 years by then. We got married and I went to a local college and got my degree. (However, he never went back to school.) This was 23 years ago and we are still happily married.</p>
<p>My grandmother used to tell the story of her courtship with grandfather. They were engaged for something like 10 years! He didn't want to marry until he was completely "set up" in his business, and had savings and adequate resources for a "world tour" style honeymoon- something he believed to be important at the time, I guess. Anyway they waited all that time, got married, went on a six month honeymoon, and lived happily ever after, until he died in a tragic car crash less than 10 years later. She always said she'd wished they had been married, even though they would have been poor, when they became engaged, because it would have doubled the time she had with him.</p>
<p>If you look at the statistics, young marriages are the least successful. The first year is usually the most "Stressful" as that is when the couple is adjusting to their life together. Add to that the fact that married couples frequently are more lax about birth control than they were before they were married and another stressor...although a prescious one...may be added to the mix. If, like oregonianmom, half the couple is making a good enough money to support a family then it's a whole different situation but unless one of them is a trust fund baby, money (or the lack of it) can become a huge problem.</p>
<p>Adult kids will do what they are going to do but oldfort makes some good points. If this issue does present itself, which I hope it doesn't, and your S asks your opinion, which I hope he does, I would urge him to wait.</p>
<p>My husband married his first wife as an undergraduate. As a result, he not only ended up divorced two years later, but also failed to finish school. What happened? His parents cut off room-and-board (although not tuition) and he started working.</p>
<p>I married <em>my</em> first husband right out of college. That marriage failed for more complex reasons, including his drinking problems, but youth didn't help.</p>
<p>I agree with Oldfort and many of the other posters. People are getting married later now, and I'm guessing that they are becoming financially independent later. Let the two have a chance to live together on their own dime for a little while before getting married. As a current college student, I will say that very few students I know, if any, are ready for marriage.</p>
<p>EDIT:
[quote]
She always said she'd wished they had been married, even though they would have been poor, when they became engaged, because it would have doubled the time she had with him.
[/quote]
No, it wouldn't have. Marriage is important for a number of reasons, but it certainly doesn't (or shouldn't) change the value of time spent between a loving couple.</p>
<p>Just try to figure out, since you know your mom very well, whether she is sincerely thinking about what's best for the young people involved here, or is just eager to know that her granddaughter will be "all set." Grandparents get old and some feel time pressing on them, and wish to know what will be the dimensions of their grandchildren's future. Her eagerness to witness the wedding, or feel calm that her grand-D found a great life partner shouldn't be the issue at all, but may be why she's inquiring now.</p>
<p>I can't say what the long term result will be, but my daughter got married last weekend. She is a junior, her husband graduated last spring and has a good job. I urged her to wait, to no avail. He is a nice kid and I hope all goes well for them. I am not sure there are any surefire predictions of what will make a marriage last. I feel that they are on their own now financially. I am not sure that my husband feels as strongly about that as I do. She called the other day and wanted to know if she could stay on our auto insurance policy!? I am not sure she knows what she got into as far as losing her status as our dependent.</p>
<p>I've encountered different scenarios. Most couples I knew who entered grad school & med school married got divorced during r shortly after school.</p>
<p>I got married after my soph. year of college (20 years old) after dating DH for a year and a half. I need to add that we knew and dated each other in high sch. also but it was not a continuous thing. We both dated others in between. My H is 3 years older than I, so when he graduated college I still had 3 years left. We did the long distance thing (5 hours apart) for a year but it was hard and we didn't want to spend another 2 years that way. My mother thought we were too young and was against the whole thing (she liked DH just fine. It was the age thing). She was afraid I would drop out of school or get pregnant right away or both,lol!</p>
<p>We were determined. I told her I could get married in our church or elope...her choice. We went with the church. I had been going to sch. up until then mostly on grants and a small scholarship with Mom sending me spending money(single mother, low paying job).<br>
After marriage, I still went to sch. on grants and loans and work-study job. </p>
<p>I graduated 3 years later. We had our first child 2 years after my graduation and 2nd kid 3 years after the first. By age 27 I had ...gotten married, graduated from college, got a good job,paid off the college loan, bought our first house and three cars and had two kids and we never got any help (financially or otherwise) from anyone. Once we were married, our parents never tried to tell us what to do about anything. They treated us as adults from then on. We grew up fast and were happy...still are 25 years later.</p>
<p>I'm glad we did it and would do it again but I do agree that it would be much harder if both are still in school rather than just one as was my case.</p>
<p>My parents got married when my mother was a freshman and my father was a junior. They got married for all the wrong reasons, but 50+ years later are still together. That said, I agree I don't think you should get married until you are self-supporting as a couple. (i.e. at least one of you should be gainfully employed or at least have a graduate stipend you can live on.)</p>
<p>I strongly feel that kids should be self-supporting and financially smart before considering marriage.</p>
<p>Right now, who is paying their meal-plan, tuition, etc. Have they ever had to deal with paying the rent? What would happen to their health insurance, as they are probably on their parents' plans. A lot of marriages fall apart due to financial crises.</p>
<p>Is your mother perhaps worried that they are sexually active, and should therefore get married? Are the kids themselves talking of getting married, or is this all from grandma. If the kids are even considering this, they need to understand exactly how financially independent they would need to be.</p>
<p>On the other hand, maybe they would get full need-based tuition. ;)</p>