<p>I am very excited to START college this fall. But I am in a serious relationship. And we are planning to marry after graduation. We even selected different colleges, partially because we selected our colleges without considering the other (we don't want to follow each other) but also partially because we felt we will be able to focus better at a distance, and maybe with some time away from each other, we will see if this is what we really want.</p>
<p>Then my mom has brought up that if we are really so in love and want to marry while IN college, that is possible, others do it. I could transfer to his college (he is at a large university so it would be easier for me to transfer there, than for him to transfer to the small LAC I picked). My dad and his parents are 100% against marrying before graduation. His mother is just flat out against me, (she says her son should not date until he has his doctorate completely over with).</p>
<p>Anyway, the current plan is to finish college and marry then, before grad school. It has been suggested that I take classes initially that I know will transfer or apply to a degree elsewhere, for just in case. And this was suggested to me without regards to the marriage situation. </p>
<p>But I am wondering, has anyone married while still in college? And how did it go? Is it a horribly bad idea?</p>
<p>If you get married in college, then you are considered independent and your parents don’t have to pay for you anymore, I believe.
My now DH and I knew we were going to get married senior year of college but we waited until I finished my Master’s degree. I wanted to concentrate on academics without expectation of what a wife would be doing.</p>
<p>As a monetary/logistics concern, if you want to have a big wedding it is a nightmare trying to plan it and go to school. Plus your parents are already paying for college and may not have $$ for a wedding.</p>
<p>If this is the right guy for you, then you will have your whole life together. Take your time. Let this be the time where you learn to be a little independent and figure out what you want out of life. If when you graduate it is still him, then great! If not, then you have options.</p>
<p>Also if you transfer and it doesn’t work out, then you will be resentful of going to a college that you didn’t really want. You picked that LAC for a reason. </p>
<p>Also, and take this gently, you may think this is a serious relationship but you are only 18. You think you know what you want in spouse. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. College is a time of exploring options. </p>
<p>Also, ask yourself why your Mom is even suggesting that you consider getting married while in college. It seems odd to me, as a mom. 3/4 of the parents I think have the right idea.
Even marrying right after college is kind of young but by then you have been together for another 4 years.</p>
<p>Your BF’s mom wants him to wait until after he has a PhD because she A) wants him to focus on academics B) doesn’t want him to get derailed of the PhD track.</p>
<p>Make plans to see each other over breaks and the summer. But still have fun at college with your friends.</p>
<p>I agree that you should not rush this situation. You can take steps in case you go forward with it - such as taking your general electives that will transfer - but I strongly suggest waiting at least a year or two into college to seriously consider it. I started out similar to you, engaged at 18 with plans to marry after college graduation. We had been together for 3 years. But he didn’t go to college when I did; he entered right into the workforce. Over the first 2 years of college I changed drastically, from my interests to my maturity and what I wanted for my life. He didn’t change at all. Ultimately we became a completely different couple and had a terrible break up.</p>
<p>Now, 6 years after the break up, I couldn’t imagine myself married - at least not for another several years. You might not change, and you might still want all of the things you want now. But you’re young, and just getting your first taste of independence. I suggest you enjoy it, learn a little more about yourself and all of life’s options before making such a big decision. It also seems strange to me that your mom is pushing this…but ultimately you need to do it for yourself and your relationship, not due to any outside influences. Long distance can work if it’s really what <em>both</em> of you want. I would give it a try before making a quick decision.</p>
<p>For the record, you can love many times in your life. You can love people that are not good compatible matches for what you want in life. Be sure you have allowed yourself time to grow and learn what is really important to you as an adult before deciding to make such a big commitment.</p>
<p>My situation is probably odd for people on here. It is a big huge cultural issue. My boyfriend is not supposed to be dating and when he marries, his parents are supposed to pick his wife basically. The women do not go to college or have careers. As far as my parents go, my dad says he hopes I move on from this relationship, and I am just going to find myself with a lot of trouble if I marry across cultures like that. Both my parents say he may claim he does not buy in to his parents ways, but with time, if I stay with him, I am likely going to see him expecting me to fall in line with his parents beliefs.</p>
<p>As far as my mom’s comment about marrying while in college, it was not a direct “you should get married while in college” but rather something where she has said that if we decided we will definitely be getting married, we might as well just go for it, whenever, even if still in college. She and my dad had been together a long time. But once they decided to marry, apparently over lunch, they went to the JP and just did it. They had been with each other, including living together, for a while. Also, when they decided to start living together, they moved in together in a short period of time. But on that note, my mom also says I need to be careful when marrying in to a culture so different from my own, when that culture has such attitudes against women.</p>
<p>I am absolutely not saying I am going to marry him, I was just thinking what would it be like, would it be a horrible thing to even think about it.</p>
<p>On the transferring, I do not think I would transfer. But, I do wonder what school would be like. And I have heard from people who say they moved and their credits did not transfer and they lost a lot, things like that. </p>
<p>This is something you should be discussing with him before making such a decision. Voice your (or your parents’) concerns. It is true that he will feel the pressures from his family to confirm - probably for the rest of his life. And if you do marry, you will also feel those pressures, or worse. If you end up living close to his family, those attitudes could certainly impact your relationship with him. However, if you have some space from them, it might just make for awkward holidays and nothing more.</p>
<p>If he is already going against the grain and dating - not to mention being in a serious, committed relationship - then it may be true he is willing to break away from his cultural norm for you. But keep in mind that people can change and develop more traditional or conservative beliefs as they age. </p>
<p>For these reasons, I would put off the idea of marriage. Give both of you time to grow and learn more about yourselves as individuals. Be honest about what you want and see if it is compatible with what he wants. </p>