<p>I don’t believe in marriage at all, but unfortunately there are some benefits (the death bed benefits, for example) that are attached to marriage but shouldn’t necessarily be. Personally, I plan on having long term relationships but would prefer not to get married. I also hate kids.</p>
<p>Knights, common-law marriages only exist in 11 states and DC.</p>
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<p>Freaking THIS. Especially on the disliking kids part.
I thought I was all alone in both regards.</p>
<p>I would like to get married… 
I rather like the idea of it.
I wouldn’t want to deal with the hassle of a wedding and all that though.
I’d just like the feeling of stability and companionship that comes with it. Just someone to hang out with and support kinda…do nice things for…write letters to…<em>starts daydreaming</em> To me, its more of a construction project…not being tied down necessarily but building something super awesome up.
I could even do without the electrifying “romantic fling” often associated with marriage.
Anddddddd I really do want kids. Before, I was almost convinced that kids weren’t for me but since, I’ve changed my mind.
It would probably be best to wait for marriage, but honestly I think I’d be okay in an early serious relationship. I’m old in the mind.</p>
<p>Frankly I want to at least wait till I have a stable job before I get married, let alone have kids.</p>
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<p>In my opinion, I think it has to do with two things. One is the fact that as a society, we seem to always be looking for the next best thing. We can have a great, fast, functional cell phone, but the moment that there’s a new cell phone that can not only surf the web and take pictures but can also capture bears and change your baby, we NEED the new “better thing.” Some people seem to think the same way with relationships. They can be in love with a sweet, attractive, intelligent person, but they start thinking that they could get a more attractive lover, or a more wealthy companion, and all of a sudden things fall apart. </p>
<p>Additionally, I think a big contributer to this is the media’s portrayal of love. We’re a generation of girls who have grown up with stories of princesses falling in love at first sight with these perfect, handsome, dashing men with hearts of gold, and you guys simply can never live up to that expectation. I know many women who are single or can’t hold down a relationship because they can’t find a guy good enough (because he doesn’t exist). </p>
<p>Now, for the original purpose of the thread:</p>
<p>1) I think it really depends on the couple. I definitely understand it in some specific circumstances such as when one or both people in the relationship is/are in the military, for instance. Also, if a couple in their early twenties has been together for say, 5 or 6 years, and has a very stable relationship (not on again/off again), or if they have specific religious and cultural motivations to marry, I can understand that as well. However, I would venture to guess that most people at this age who are marrying are pretty naive, and things are much less likely to work out. I don’t think you really get a great estimation of the person you’re with for at least a few years after you start dating, and even then you might still be in for some nasty surprises. </p>
<p>2) For some reason I really can’t wrap my head around, I really adore the idea of getting married. My parents have been together for over 20 years without being married, and while there have been ups and downs in their relationship, they have always been together my whole life. So, it’s really apparent to me that marriage isn’t the glue that holds a relationship together. Still, aside from the important rights associated with marriage, I do really want to get married and I find myself fantasizing about planning my wedding and dress shopping and being someone’s wife. Part if it has to do with the fact that I want kids, but maybe a lot of it is that I’d like to have the attention that you get on your wedding day, as shallow as that is. I’m really not the center of attention very often, and getting to be pampered and have a giant celebration just for me and my husband sounds amazing. </p>
<p>I guess this is easier for me to picture because I really feel like I’ve found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Even a couple years ago early into our relationship I used to have nightmares about us getting married. Now I can’t seem to wait.</p>
<p>Meh, see the wedding is the part I would dread the most about getting married. In fact, if I could just skip it altogether I would. Save money, not stuck with family who I can’t stand, not having to get dressed up…<em>shudders</em></p>
<p>I’d be looking forward to the cuddle-under-the-blanket-on-the-couch-while-watching-funnystupid-movies moments :).</p>
<p>^That’s what the court house is for. You can skip a wedding if you want to, people do it every day.</p>
<p>My personal experience:</p>
<p>I’m a freshman at a LAC with a high GPA and already an accolade of involvement (SGA, Moot Court Championships, etc.) and merit awards. I got married two weeks before my freshman year of school began.</p>
<p>My husband’s a junior at the same LAC and it’s been the most wonderful experience. I had the wedding of my dreams (big white dress, jazz band, dream venue) and am now living an amazing life. We’re both planning on attending law school after I graduate, though both interested in different paths within the law (he’s non-profit, I lean towards corporate aspirations), and thus far, we are both doing incredibly well in our schooling.</p>
<p>I truly believe it is a matter of personality and character traits. I was the overachiever in high school (great grades/SAT, lots of ECs) and always found school to be the place I truly shone. For this reason, no one in my family doubted I would go to college and graduate. In fact, they joked that I would rather study than spend time with the hubby. Of course, my husband has won over the books, but I manage them as well as I can. :)</p>
<p>On the other hand, my hubby (a former college athlete) had struggled with his first years of schooling because he didn’t necessarily have a direction in which his schooling was geared towards. His family is thrilled because marriage has allowed him to take serious responsibilities and track his dreams into success. He is currently on the honor roll at our school and his mind, now as a family man, is in love with school. He shares with me often how he wished he’d been able to bring out this success during his first years at school, he’s truly gifted for schooling, he just needed something to help him focus.</p>
<p>I would say the number one benefit for us of being in school whilst married, is that we spend so much of our time together. Some couples don’t like the idea of being “stuck” with their spouse at all times, but for us, we consider it a blessing. We have our schedules match our lunch hour so that we can both take a little break from academia during the day and at the end of our school day, we simply go home and leave school at school. (This has proved to be a great change for me from my high school experience, I was the girl who would obsess over school work at home.)</p>
<p>Most newlyweds have jobs in different fields, only seeing each other when they get home after a long day at the office (or wherever) and quite possibly stressed and irritated from the ongoings of the day, which is understandable. But having these few years (my hubby is thinking of doing an extra year for his minor) where we spend an unexpected amount of time together as a starting point for our marriage has solidified our love and our learning of each other. I love our lunch dates and knowing how he studies best (in the library), as well as his support and jokes about our faculty and staff. It’s just like having your best friend right by your side.</p>
<p>Considering our situation, personalities, and aspirations, having such a strong support system in our lives (academic and otherwise) has allowed for us to be the best we can be, whilst achieving what we wish to achieve. </p>
<p>Being married in college is not for everyone, but for some, it’s the most amazing and enriching experience.</p>
<p>Good post, biglawhopes. Thanks for sharing!</p>
<p>Yeah, that’s quite cool</p>
<p>I’m assuming that the marrieds in your class have disclosed their age and you’re not making assumptions based on looks alone. I look pretty young for my age and people who meet me without knowing me in any context assume that I am much younger than I actually am. </p>
<p>I’ve been engaged twice. The first time, I was 20. I opted to not get married at that time because, after giving it lots of thought, I felt that I was much too young to make a commitment at that time. The second time, I was 26 and felt much more comfortable making the commitment.</p>
<p>The biggest issue that I’ve noticed is that people seem to be more concerned with the “wedding” and less concerned with the “marriage”. I noticed when I was planning my weddings that people who had no problem spending months pouring over wedding invitations, cake samples, and making sure that the exact shade of a color appeared in every aspect of their wedding didn’t give one iota of thought to the more serious aspects of what they were doing. Discussion of finances, disclosing credit reports, making the decision about a pre-nup, sharing their views on having children, or talking about religion seemed to never enter into ANY discussion these people had. </p>
<p>It’s not romantic to think about, but I wish that more people would realize that they are entering into a legal contract. You wouldn’t buy a house without looking inside, having an inspection done, or running your credit report. You do all those things to make sure that it meets your needs and expectations and to minimize unexpected surprises. So why wouldn’t you do the same when you get married?</p>
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<p>That to me sounds so dumb. I think anyone in college could get married and have a great experience (yay a wedding, yay I get to have the security that someone will always be by my side, yay secured intimacy). It sounds like you’re getting married either “because it’s so cool!” or because you have insecurity problems. There really isn’t any other reason for you to do so unless there’s some kind of tax benefit.</p>
<p>Why not wait until you’re mid 20s or 30s when you have a slight inkling of the kind of person you are at the core, out of college, and are financially stable?</p>
<p>Believe it or not dude some people are pretty dead-set on what they are at the core in college. Marriage isn’t as financially stressful as having kids either.</p>
<p>Even if a person knows who they are, you can’t deny they’re going to change at least some from when they are in college to when they are 5 years out of college.</p>
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<p>This is why I think people get married, cause it feels awesome at the beginning then it slowly starts to lose its glamour over the years.</p>
<p>I’m just saying there’s really no point to getting married as you are in college other than for the temporary benefits it provides. Why not just spend time together? You havvvvve to have a wedding? sheesh.</p>
<p>Prothero, by your logic, why get married ever? You know, because he or she might go through a midlife crisis sometime down the line. </p>
<p>People do change, but that’s really not a reason not to get married.</p>
<p>OK, then why do babies not get married.</p>
<p>Because they aren’t old enough to sign a legal document.</p>
<p>oh! so thats why… jk</p>
<p>I’m siding with prothero on this one. Its much easier to go through life having someone right beside you to perpetually affirm, support, love, and comfort you then “to sleep alone.”</p>
<p>The idea of intimacy is almost neverending in my mind: there is always something deeper, more novel, and more unique you can uncover in someone or have uncovered by someone. Its just impossible to attain intimacy if you dont really know yourself, which doesnt generally happen at a college level age</p>
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<p>true. however the point I was trying to make is people are possibly getting married because they are in love with the idea of marriage versus making a serious commitment to that person. And honestly how much experience do you have in life at that age. I think I am pretty wise for my age but I know there is a tremendous amount that I still need to learn about myself.</p>
<p>if you’ve been married happily for 30 years or so after getting married so young is one thing but in college and you say “oh yea dude marriage is so awesome it makes everything better and babies are gonna come soon enough” is another thing entirely.</p>