may u grade these 2 short essays plz?

<p>Topic > People are difficult to govern because they have too much knowledge.</p>

<p>Knowledge is power and power hates control. Over the centuries people have evolved and gathered more and more knowledge gradually. Hence, they have become infallible individuals who seek freedom. The power of knowledge and reasoning can be described precisely by a simple analogy.
Let's imagine George governing a group of monkeys and a smaller group of people. The first one will be easier to manage and lead. He would provide some bananas and the monkeys would be fully satisfied and would love him. Even if he stole some flowers from their habitat, they wouldn't care as long as they had their bananas. But humans are different. They brainstorm, think critically and pre-challenge all possible consequences before acting. At first they will be tempted by some million dollars(humans banana), but they would refuse them if George started to take some oil from their living place. This is because "they know more". And that's why they are harder to govern. They understand that soon they will run out of oil and George wont be giving dollars any longer. Therefore they will be left spending their money, until nothing is left. Aha! So here it comes... the so-called logical-thinking, sister of knowledge. It convinces these people not to give their oil for some "temporary luxury". Back to the monkeys, they cannot realize where they are leading themselves, and that's clearly a lack of knowledge and logic. Soon all "flowers" will be gone, their habitat wont be a habitat anymore, and they will suffer and very soon die.
It is a matter of knowledge that humans can predict their fate, given certain circumstances. It is a mater of knowledge that gives them their power to refuse. Later it is this power that makes control and government difficult.</p>

<p>2nd-----------</p>

<p>Topic->Why are people motivated to change?
People are social creatures who, not surprisingly are always looking for the best. Thier central worrying unit(brain) is convinced that there is always a better state than the one being. This way people get motivated to change seeking the best. But of couse while seeking a better state you can get through a difficult, worse one. This is called risk and its the main drawback when wanting to make a change. This is because many people are too weak emotionally to challenge difficulties without a fuss. THey rather stay where they are, change nothing and feel good.
On the contrary thats the worst part. Because the illusionary good feeling is just temporary. Everyone who is not changing will feel worse and "under attack" after somewhile. This is because the environment, the society is constantly undergoing changes, taking risks and succeeding and if an individual "doesnt obey" to the natural instinct of change, he is virtually expelled from the society. At first it will feel good, not risking and seeing others in the rat race, it gives the false idea that you're safe and leading but very soon, everything turns the other way around. You are relatively primitive ubiquitously, in lifestyle, development, ideas and action. Now its time that the false impression vanishes and you are left "completely naked" to suffer the burning reality, and notice that changing and adapting yourself is the only wayout. But its simply too late. The train has already left and is constantly accelerationg. Even if you manage to catch up with it, you won't be able to follow its rate so you will be bound to struggle behind its back, hoping it will stop, but it simply WON'T.</p>

<p>thanks in advance</p>

<p>Hi there. First, you are obviously a very intellegent student and an excellent writer. I'm an SAT tutor in New York City who works with very wealthy students to raise their scores (people who can afford to pay their tutors what everyone else pays their lawyers). I'm pretty well-qualified to judge your essays, if not to grade them necessarily. I'd bet you'd get something like a 6 - 8 combined score (out of 12) for each of these essays, with the first receiving a higher score. Remember that your essay should have examples drawn from more than just your life or imagination to receive a top score. How does the topic relate to moments in history and literature? I coach my students to use a formula when creating an essay for the SAT that looks like this:
1) Intro paragraph: Agree or disagree with the topic / take a stand
2) Literature paragraph: One example from a great work of literature that demonstrates your assertion
3) History paragraph: An exciting and monumental moment in history that demonstrates your assertion
4) Personal paragraph: A moment from your life in which you learned a lesson that demonstrated the truth of your assertion.
5) Conclusion paragraph: A short ( two or three sentences) paragraph in which you sum up your argument and state something meaningful about how the world could be a better place if only people would come to recognize this truth.</p>

<p>What are great works of literature? You've read them in school! Think of Great Gatsby, the Old Man and the Sea, any of Shakespeare's plays, Hedda Gabbler by Ibsen, Of Mice and Men, etc.</p>

<p>Great moments in history? The signing of the Declaration of Independence, Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech, the Battle of Bull Run, etc.</p>

<p>Personal moments? When your mom showed you the value of telling the truth, when your grandmother helped you to understand that its what is on the inside that counts. Learn a lesson from an elder!</p>

<p>Is it easy to write an essay this long, structured, and detailed in the time given? No way! So practice doing it (write in pencil, get used to it now) and be sure to make your essay impressive by including the author of your literature book and dates and places in your history section.</p>

<p>Lastly, be neat! Erase well, don't run over the edges of the lines around the page, and indent each paragraph.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>thanks a lot
ill try to put your techniques in use</p>