<p>At SEC schools with competitive recruitments, many sororities could fill their entire pledge classes from legacies alone. Many PNM’s wind up with a bid from a house where they know quite a few actives from camp, high school, church, family friends, etc. who will advocate for them. Girls who do not begin rush with those contacts already in place are much less likely to have a happy recruitment – even with recs, a good resume, and good conversations with actives during the initial rounds. Although being released from rush certainly feels personal, it’s as much about numbers as anything else. Encourage your daughter to get involved in other things that interest her. </p>
<p>My son moved in on the 7th, so we were around campus to see the streams of sorority prospects walking around. Nothing stood out to me about any of them except the fact that they all looked the same - long hair, and when dressed casually, in baggy tshirts that covered their shorts (why is that look all the rage? I don’t understand it at all), and when dressed up, as they boarded the bus for convocation, my general impression was that every girl was in a short babydoll dress (what we called them in the 80s) and wearing high-heeled, wedge sandals (not very many tall people there, so no supermodels, and not a criticism, but even I felt a bit like a giant on campus and I am only 5’6".)</p>
<p>Anyway, I am sorry for your daughter’s experience. I don’t see how such a process accomplishes much beyond judging people very superficially (or based on recommendations and connections.) There would just not be enough to time to get to know people in any valuable way, and so I hope your daughter is not discouraged. Yes, the truth is that she was judged - that is the whole purpose of the rush process, isn’t it? - but who did the judging? And on what basis? And what could it possibly mean? I know that does not take away from the hurt feelings and sense of rejection. Fortunately, there are other opportunities to pursue on such a large campus, and I wish her the best.</p>
<p>One of the main parts of a Greek Letter Org is giving up some aspects of individuality at certain times, and this will vary to a greater or lesser extent depending on your school. Bama has a very traditional, Southern style Greek life, where conformity and fitting in are more prevalent. At somewhere like Whitman, U Chicago, WUSTL, Arkansas Tech, it is likely to be different.</p>
<p>Someone who wants to do their own thing most of the time and who values their individuality above all else may struggle in traditional Greek life. I know I did on an almost daily basis. </p>
<p>It’s not for everyone. Like tends to attract like, so of course Bama rush attracts those who are excited to be part of a group with all that brings with it. And those who THINK they do but subsequently learn a lot about themselves in the process :)</p>
<p>My son and his roommates (now that everyone was moved in) decided to go out to lunch together today down at the Strip. Thanks to my son’s basketball experience, he was able to pivot quickly out of the way of several drunk sorority sisters who kept running into their group as they walked down the sidewalk, and he barely got out of the way of one who stumbled toward him and, thankfully, her head turned and her vomit missed him as it spewed all over the sidewalk. It was 1:00 in the afternoon.</p>
<p>Is that what sorority life is all about? I am sure (I hope) it cannot be, but really? Drunken girls all over the Strip at 1 in the afternoon? He said he was aware of at least 20 students who were arrested the night before for public intoxication. While on the way to the mail center today, my son saw a truck full of frat brothers who drove past screaming out their windows, and when my son came walking out of the mail center a few minutes later, the frat guys were down on the ground, hands behind their backs, being handcuffed. As my son and one of his roommates said to each other “Well, I guess they got a little of that college experience.”</p>
<p>I am not judging those who invest so much time pursuing these groups, because, surely, there has to be more to it than getting drunk. But it is laughable to me that the school requires students to take the online alcohol class, and, here we are, two days into the regular move-in session, and, already, drunk students are all over the place, and even in public areas like the Strip. My son has already heard several students complain that they just cannot pass the alcohol course exam (it is super easy and a student can take it over and over again.) Why am I not surprised? :(</p>
<p>Chesterton: Not all Greek life is about alcohol. There are lots of good things about Greek life including the community service the Greeks do. My son, a National Merit Scholar, is a former fraternity president at Bama who is on a full scholarship at UVA Law. His fraternity has one of the highest GPAs on campus. He has lots of Greek and non-Greek friends. Some were drinkers. Some were non-drinkers. Many of these students are away from home for the first time, so, they go a little crazy because there is no supervision. Hopefully once classes start, the kids fall into a routine, and the partying does subside. </p>
<p>Post #82 sums up precisely why this Greek ‘life’ is not for everyone - SoccerGirlNYC hit is exactly on the head - there is often little room for individuality, and conformity and fitting in is both expected and required. How else do you think these organisations got to be so influential on campus, and have managed to maintain their tight grip on certain social mores throughout generations of students? </p>
<p>@eusriso I am so sorry that it didn’t turn out to be a good experience for your D. I hope that she takes advantage of so many other activities available at Bama. This whole sorority recruitment thing (use of the word “rush” is frowned upon by Panhellenic) is based on looks to a certain point. These girls are meeting the PNM and talking to her for a very short time- so it isn’t the deepest human experience out there, lol. I agree with you that it may have worked out the way it was meant to be. I am a firm believer that things always work out for the best. There are other wonderful experiences at Bama that will be great for your D. Honestly, my D2 is not interested in Greek life and part of me is happy. </p>
<p>@Chesterton My oldest participated in a sorority at another large university in the South. While attending parties was part of the experience, I can tell you that it was not what it was all about. She graduated a few years ago and has a great job. The opportunity was the result of networking with a sorority sister. The one thing I didn’t like about Greek life was the demand on time. I would rather my kid spend more time hitting the books than attending chapter meetings and events for philanthropy- but that’s me. </p>
<p>Thanks for all the posts, views and opinions about Sorority rush at UA. My last comments (honest - I hope 
) about Sororities and rush. My daughter seemed to have the right ideas about Sororities - the sisterhood and the legacy part definitely - when she didn’t get selected that is what she brought up as to why she wanted to be in a Sorority and was upset. Yes there is more to a Sorority, social activities, charity work, Greek stuff and as one poster posed, alcohol. But life goes on.</p>
<p>Having read all the posts, done more research, my last opinion about rush. One of the reasons we picked UA was the scholarships. My daughter could have gotten scholarships at other schools but what attracted us to UA was the guaranteed scholarships. It seemed very fair, you achieved X grade point average and x test score you get x scholarship. No BS about having to worry about a limited number of scholarships, somebody having an inside hook or being an alumni and bumping you. Or a banner year of grades/test scores and you get bumped due to a spectacular pool of freshman applicants. Very egalitarian compared to the elite schools which now cater to the top 1% (or higher) applicants and the economically disadvantaged only.</p>
<p>What I find disappointing about the rush and sororities at UA is that they are the opposite of the scholarship process (egalitarian) although on the surface it shouldn’t be that way. I thought the way Rush was setup would give everyone a chance to meet the sororities, understand each sororities personality and get a chance to interview with the Sorority. This would avoid the clique rush that happens at many other schools (you only get in if you are a friend of someone in the Sorority). Listening to my daughter she definitely did not get the personality of each sorority, did not seem to have a good interview process (of her and of the Sorority) during Rush. To be fair how much of this failure is the rush process or failure on my daughters part, can’t say but the process seems flawed. Add that into the requirement to get recommendations - we only knew one person who was in a Sorority at UA (and they did not attend UA) (my daughter did get more recommendations remotely), the fact that local (within Alabama) girls likely have made inroads prior to attending UA and the seeming lack of diversity - diversity on multiple levels - ethnic, socioeconomic and “types” of people in Sororities does not paint a favorable equal access impression.</p>
<p>At the end of the day I respect the rights of groups to select who join there organizations but it does breed distrust and resentment when someone has the qualifications on paper to get in but does not.</p>
<p>Anyway as I have said before - life goes on, its not the end of the world, there is always second semester or next year. Roll tide!!!</p>
<p>I want you to know that what happened here is not just an Alabama thing. It’s one of many reasons why I so dislike the Greek scene. It hurts a lot of young people right where it can cause the most psychic pain. Rejection of the person, not because of things like grades, or other numbers but because of who you are. Don’t fit in. Don’t want you. Not good enough.</p>
<p>My neighbor’s daughter was really hurt when she was passed over and most of her friends were accepted at the sororities. She came home a few days to lick her wounds. She’s back into the swing of things, but it’s something that sill ache for a while, and so unnecessary. </p>
<p>@cptofthehouse, I think the timing of the rejection at schools that rush before classes start makes it way harder. Kids don’t yet have a network of friends, clubs, and faculty to support them. They haven’t yet seen that lots of people are happy, social, and productive without being Greek. </p>
<p>There is something to be learned from rejection. What’s important is that one learns from the rejection and tries to find something else they’ll enjoy as much or even more. To paraphrase the Garth Brooks song “Unanswered Prayers,” some of the greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. </p>
<p>Amen to that, @SEA_tide! I’ve woken up more than a couple of times this past week so grateful that my son’s first- and second-choice schools didn’t admit him. Worrying about how we were going to cover the costs for those schools would have led to a lot of sleepless nights!</p>
<p>@eusriso, given some of the drama the past few days with regard to rush, I’m relieved my son has shown no interest thus far in Greek life. I know one bad apple doesn’t mean the whole bunch is spoiled, but what a huge distraction just before classes begin. Hoping your DD can find some other groups to get involved with, and where she can make some lifetime friends!</p>
<p>@SEA_tide- I love that song. That truth has played out in my life SO many times! The things I think I want (at the time) are not always what is best for me in the long run. Age gives you the ability to look back and think “I am so glad God said no to THAT request!!!”</p>
<p>So my daughter has had her first couple of days of classes, things are going well. Only issue is with the book store, one of her Chemistry Lab manuals has been unavailable. The books came in yesterday while she was in class and were sold out by the time she got to the bookstore. </p>
<p>An update to a prior post, most of my daughters engineering/chemistry books are published specifically for UA. There is no opportunity to buy on Amazon at a discount. After she pays for the lab manual she we bill out $900 to $1000 - this includes some of the optional books. </p>
<p>My daughter is a chemical engineering major and only buys new books. She has never had a $900-$1,000 semester. Something feels strange. </p>
<p>@eusriso and @Sniner - Only the ENGR 103 and first year Chemistry is Bama specific.<br>
Spring semester for my Aero Eng major son dropped significantly spring semester. </p>
<p>$900 does sound very high though. </p>
<p>Does she really need the optional books? She should check to see if maybe they are available in one of the libraries and then borrow and only use as needed.</p>
<p>Be aware - Some courses list 3 - 5 books as a “CHOOSE ONE” of the following. The difference are usually e-book, paper back, hard back or binder ready (loose leaf 3 hole punched). Be certain she isn’t buying both the e-book and a paper copy. </p>
<p>Highly recommend renting textbooks your first few semesters to save money, too. There are very few books you will use again (with the exception of courses which are in a series or build on each other - calculus comes to mind). Check out Chegg and Textbook.com for rental options.</p>
<p>Actually I think the close to thousand dollar range is about what my son paid his first semester, too. Not unreasonable for a chemistry/engineering major/classes. Eventually, it will go down, and you’ll get a lower bill, but got to suck it up initially. Some of your books will last a couple of semesters, too, so that cuts down the cost after the first semester. Glad your daughter is doing well. Good luck to her!</p>
<p>So an update on UA, my daughter and of course me. After all of the issues with the rush my daughter pledged a sorority that rushes outside the initial rush period. </p>
<p>So far it has been a positive experience (from my daughter’s feedback) and I have a very positive impression of the sorority. My daughter is still pledging so I won’t say anything further than that this sorority seems to be the right “fit” for my daughter and it is more in line with what I expected a sorority to be.</p>
<p>Academically my daughter is all over the place from what I can tell. A’s to C’s - a little worried about her ability to keep her scholarships and honors housing. I am keeping an open mind that she is finding her way and it will get better. If not she will be coming home …</p>
<p>Her classes seem to be a mixed bag - some good some not so good. The not good - online coursework not available due to late setup, glitches, poorly graded tests, etc. My guess this is a norm at all colleges but it would good if UA held there professors to a high standard - and I think it goes beyond credentials. Overall no disasters and a positive experience.</p>
<p>Her dorm experience is a mixed bag. She shares a common areas and 2 bathrooms with 3 other roommates. 3 get a long and the 4th has issues. I am not real impressed how the college handles this - the 4th roommate violated multiple rules but they are failing to address the issues. Its a shame because I can somewhat sympathize with the 4th roommate - she is more in line with what I expected a college student to be like but she has definite communication and attitude problems. It will be interesting to see how UA deals with this in the end as I don’t see this girl changing her attitude (she refuses to communicate and when she does is hateful).</p>
<p>We went down to visit my daughter for the weekend recently. The weather was beautiful, food was good and we found a reasonably priced hotel in Tuscaloosa that was clean - Winngate Inn. Its one exit up (76 I think) from the main drag in Tuscalloosa (exit 73). </p>
<p>Next stop - midterms 
.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update,euro. I’m sure your daughter will be fine. Your interest in how she’s coming along can only have a positive effect. Just think, it’s only four years. Let her settle in and the time will fly. Every experience, good or bad, is a learning experience and only makes our children stronger and wiser in the road to adulthood. Take care of yourself and best wishes to your daughter.</p>