<p>I have thought about how to approach this and have turned up blank time and time again. So I decided to just write what I thought of for 150 words and have the wonderful members of CC read it and give me direction as I have had trouble this short essay. Thanks! All constructive negative critisism is welcome as I know it may be cliche etc</p>
<pre><code> Be it through planning a school talent show or a community food drive, Student Council has been a beneficial experience as I have been able to implement my love for politics into the school setting. Growing from class treasurer to executive president, I have obtained a great deal of responsibility: preparing the agenda for meetings, representing the student body before the principal, planning activities for the student body, and representing my school at the functions of other schools. The interaction with so many different peopleteachers, Student Council members, and other peershas really given me an appreciation for ideas other than my own. Not only has participating in Student Council benefited the school, but it has also benefited me. It has increased my acceptance of other ideas, increased my confidence around others, and taught me that I dont need to be boisterous to be a leader.
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<p>Seems preatty good overall... I am not a great editor though. Starting with be it through seems weird, maybe Whether it be through... would work better. There is surely some room for improvement in other places, but I'm not the person to tell you. Ask an english teacher to look it over.</p>
<p>Bland and boring...plunge into one contentious situation, how you participated , how it was resolved and how you learned from the experience and why that gives you the insight and tools to bring to the table at ...mmmm....Brown?</p>
<p>"Bland and boring...plunge into one contentious situation, how you participated , how it was resolved and how you learned from the experience and why that gives you the insight and tools to bring to the table at ...mmmm....Brown?"</p>
<p>He's right actually. When you make an essay more of a story that relates it works alot better.</p>
<p>"Not only has participating in Student Council benefited the school"</p>
<p>and how has it benefited your school? you left one of ideas unaswered; and plus, it doesn't really matter if it has benefited the school because that doesn't really pertain to you and it draws the attention that SC has played in your life away; stick to the focus</p>
<p>Implement into --is stylistically awkward. So is --obtain responsibility--
You don't explain how the experience taught you that you didn't need to be boisterous--or do you mean "loud and bossy"?</p>
<p>Is the content allright but the style bad? I think I will try to come at this from a story point as some of you have suggested.
I welcome all other suggestions</p>
[quote]
The interaction with so many different peopleteachers, Student Council members, and other peershas really given me an appreciation for ideas other than my own.
[/quote]
For example, when Tommy suggested we TP the principals home and Sally's idea was to have an S&M themed prom I really needed to sit back and come up with an effective way to give their ideas space, but guide them towards more productive.....</p>
<p>The "growing from..." sentence that uses a colon without really needing to is a distraction. I agree with the others...a more storylike essay, with real substance about what you learned, is important. Simply stating points without backing them up is useless.</p>