Hi all, I appreciate you taking your time to look at this thread. I’m facing a dilemma right now pertaining to my mental health. I just turned 18, but I am still under my parents’ roof as I won’t start college until late August.
My counselor and school therapist both suspect I have a case of depression coupled with anxiety and other possible issues. Unfortunately, I can’t get help at home because I’m afraid about how my parents will react: they will either completely freak out or just not care at all. Now that I am 18, is there any way for me to go out and seek my own psychiatrist and help? Or should I just stick it out until I go to college and find help there? Please help, I really don’t know what to do.
As an 18 year old you are now in charge of your medical care. However, I assume your care is being paid for by your parents’ plan and therefore they would see any charges accrued. Without knowing any more, I really think you should discuss your problems with your parents. Of course it may come as some shock or cause some distress but most parents do want their kids to be happy and healthy. Did your counselor suggest otherwise? Moving to college can be stressful and seems like a bad idea to embark on this with an untreated mental condition. Don’t allow some idea that you have to be perfect for your parents to ruin your life.
Is there an adult you trust who could speak to your parents? My then 17-year-old daughter’s Girl Scout leader called me last summer to tell me she thought my daughter needed to see somebody. I have to admit, I was shocked, but I found a good therapist who diagnosed D with anxiety. I’m SO glad she got help. She’s on meds and doing really well. I’m glad she got help before going off to college.
@mathyone When I went to talk to my counselor/school therapist, I was 17, so I was a minor, and they couldn’t call my parents without my consent. He wanted to just go ahead and contact my parents for me, so I wouldn’t have to, but I declined at the moment. The only time they would ever call my parents/anyone else without my consent is if I exhibited any form of suicidal behavior.
@MaineLonghorn One of my teachers suspected I have a case of anxiety, but then again, no one at school can call my parents without my consent.
Those were public school services and so they were free but I am assuming that you are about to graduate and if you then want to see a psychiatrist or other mental health professional you would need an appointment. That is going to cost a lot if you don’t use insurance to pay for it. If you present them with your insurance card, your parents will eventually get some sort of paperwork about this, a bill or a notice that the insurance paid for your visit, or perhaps a combination. My point is just that if you need professional assistance over the summer your parents may learn of it whether or not you tell them. This may also be true of campus clinics, but I am not sure about that. I guess it depends whether the cost is being billed through your parents’ insurance. And then there is the cost of medications, should you need them. I guess what I am thinking is that unless your needs will be met with sessions to a campus counselor who doesn’t bill your insurance, it seems likely that your parents are going to learn about it.
Can you meet with your school therapist and discuss these issues before you lose access to him/her? It would be good if you have a plan for someone to turn to if you have problems. Also talk to your pediatrician–you’ll probably need a summer visit for pre-college vaccines and a physical and can bring it up then, hopefully without your parents there.
But please consider that your parents may want to support you. If it’s difficult to discuss, maybe you should accept the counselor’s offer to let them know what you are experiencing.
@mathyone I appreciate the advice and the information (my parents don’t let me too involved with health insurance matters) and I know my mom is 99% going to keep me on her plan when I go to college (the college also offers health insurance, but it’s optional).
There’s a part of me that wants to tell my parents about what I’m feeling, because I know I need the support and it’s terrible to hate myself like this, but I have reservations of my own. My parents come from a no-nonsense culture, that every problem can be solved by just “sucking it up” or “walking it off.” My mother is very apathetic-- she’s not a positive role model and likes her job more than her family, and my dad either completely overreacts (as in if I tell him he’ll probably be watching me 24/7 and completely shut off what little independence I have) or has no reaction at all (as in he’ll carry on as if life is normal, just with one new piece of information). I just don’t know what to do.
I am not any kind of therapist, and my experience with mental health care is pretty limited, and I don’t know you. So I think it would be best if you can meet with your counselor to discuss how to proceed as you finish up at that school. From what you say, it sounds like you are concerned that your parents won’t be supportive or won’t take your issues seriously. That may be true. But I think most parents would like to know and would like to help. I am not convinced that it’s worth forgoing the medical care you need to keep this secret. Remember, they’ve spent a substantial portion of their lives raising you. I think many parents would be dismayed to learn that their child was suffering and unwilling to turn to them for help. Even if they brush it off, at least they would know and you could get medical appointments without worrying that they are going to find out about it.
Wow…well you really do need to address this ASAP. I wish mental health issues didn’t have such a stigma associated with them. I think if you’re suffering now you should get help now. What about seeing your regular doctor (general practitioner)? You could find some way to tiptoe around the subject such that your parents won’t freak out. For example, you could tell them you just want to get a checkup and make sure you have all the right vaccines and that your healthy for college, etc. Then perhaps your GP can help you navigate this whole thing with your parents. Your GP could prescribe an SSRI such as Lexapro, although it would be best to get therapy at the same time. But perhaps medication can tide you over until you get to the university and can get therapy.
In the meantime you might find the info here helpful and can share it with your parents when the time comes: www.transitionyear.org. Also, NAMI might have good resources for them. Seek culturally appropriate resources. Take care.