Hello, I’m a freshman who has been struggling with depression for the past two years. As of recently, I have been more and more concerned with college admissions. Even though I attend public school, my peers are both very driven and high achieving, which can be overwhelming at times. Although I know that high school is a time for exploration and that there are people in their late 30’s struggling to find a career, I still can’t help feeling lost without direction. I find myself closing more doors than opening ones, due to a disinterest in numerous activities, and feeling guilty thereafter. I’ve dropped activities I participated in consistently in middle school such as cross country and martial arts. I’ve only joined two clubs, both relating to music, but this is incomparable to what my peers are doing. Despite coming into high school with a simple plan of joining robotics and math team, I still failed. I found myself disliking the engineering elective I took in the first semester of school (I’m a real champion at closing doors) and intimidated by math team. My impotence regarding my extracurriculars just makes me feel worse about myself. It’s funny how depression leads to inactivity and how inactivity worsens depression. Gives a wry grin.
I guess that I’d just like to know, from a practical standpoint, if extracurriculars freshman year really matter; I really wouldn’t liked to be dismissed outright by universities. Ever since I was little, it had been my dream to attend a prestigious university, and I’d be disheartened if I couldn’t do so. If I were to write about my mental health, but also incorporate humor into my writing, could I salvage myself? I do maintain an A/A+ average in the honors curriculum and have legacy status to UPenn, so I wouldn’t say all is lost. For sophomore year, I have definitive plans to take calculus and conduct physics research. Despite stressful circumstances, I try to focus on the good and have a positive outlook on my life.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read this (and maybe even respond). I hope that anybody reading this has a lovely day.
Are you struggling on your own, or are you getting help? b/c that is the first, biggest piece.
You can only run one race: your own. The more you focus on figuring out yourself, what you like, what your strengths are, and getting some ideas of where you would like to head, the better. In a race, turning to see where your competitors are can cost you the race- literally.
First of all, I cannot thank you enough for responding. It’s especially comforting to hear a mother’s perspective; I can hear the wisdom and thoughtfulness in your writing. Because you took the time to respond to me, I would like to reciprocate by doing the same.
No, I’m not struggling on my own. I started seeing a therapist weekly, after opening up to my mom. Depression does run in my family, but luckily, my symptoms are fairly moderate. I do agree that mental health is of utmost importance.
FOMO is big problem for me, as you recognized, and I constantly ask myself if I’m missing out in various activities. Therefore, it’s difficult to focus on myself, but I’m trying. I’ve always been strong in math and reading and desire to focus on academics. I also have a flourishing love for music, particularly jazz, and have played the tenor saxophone for many years now. In terms of a career, I’ve always dreamed of being a professor in some STEM career. This is why I was disappointed by the fact that I didn’t enjoy my school’s robotics course and previous years of Tech Ed; I realized that I didn’t like working with my hands. However, I remain fascinated by math and science. I’m truly excited for my STEM endeavors for next year.
I very much enjoyed the article; it was very helpful. It’s nice to see that “normal” people can get into MIT. It’s very easy to get fixated on the idea that one has to win USAMO or cure cancer in order to get into college, instead of pursuing their passions. Being reminded to be kind, pursue one’s passions, and take challenging courses seems to be a much less stressful approach to life.
Don’t forget to give credit where credit is due. For example::
I get why doing something that you expect to like and then realizing you don’t is disappointing- but it is not a failure! Can you see the big WIN in that?
You gained an important piece of the @Sashaj100 puzzle: you don’t love the hands on part. Use that knowledge to help you evaluate other choices- both academic and in future jobs. People often overlook the value of learning what doesn’t suit you as much as learning what does. Good for you for trying- and for following through by figuring out what you can learn from that.
Over time all these small experiences accumulate, and you get better at looking for, and recognizing, things that may shape how you enjoy something, and help you hone in on your own path.
So, for all the disappointment, that was actually a win- own it!
The @Sashaj100 puzzle can be a bit confusing at times. It’s hard to see the formation of a new path or myself making headway when I’m clouded by disappointment. However, like you said, learning what you dislike is not just okay, but a win. I appreciate all the help.
Haha, I guess this is why the Coming of Age genre sells pretty well. I suppose this is also why I related to Catcher in the Rye more than I would’ve thought.
"I’ve always dreamed of being a professor in some STEM career. This is why I was disappointed by the fact that I didn’t enjoy my school’s robotics course and previous years of Tech Ed; "
STEM is pretty broad, and hands-on is typically associated with engineering technology majors, and not traditional engineering. And math and computer science can be very theoretical, so I think you still have a lot of options if you want an academic career in STEM.
Do not think 'Every point I get off of a homework or test is a point away from going to Harvard."
Think: “I need to do my best, and there will be a college that is right for me when I graduate.”
Do not think “If I don’t go to an Ivy League School/Top20, I am doomed forever.”
Think: “No matter where I go, I can bloom where I am planted. I can get involved and shine.”
Do not think: “My life is over…the kid in my math class is taking 20 APs and I am taking 5. I will never succeed.”
Think: “I need to challenge myself, but only to the point where I can still do well.”
Also make sure to get medically evaluated for depression…your lack of interest in ECs seems like a classic depression symptom.
@Sashaj100 , not only do you write well, but you sound driven and you are hard working with excellent grades. Your freshman extra curriculars are not that important in the scheme of college admissions. You do you and it will all come together.
@theloniusmonk, I must start off by saying that I love your username, and was in fact just listening to Blue Monk.
While STEM does encompass a wide range of fields, it’s very disquieting that I disliked practical applications in these fields. As you pointed out, however, there is always a more theoretical side of STEM. I indulge in astrophysics and quantum physics books alike (even if I don’t understand the calculus behind such topics). My favorite class is math, which is why I’m going to be taking calculus as a sophomore. I may be leaning towards theory more, but exposure to theory is difficult in a school where STEM is predominantly represented by hands-on engineering. Not to mention, valuable research experiences must be sought out independently. I definitely need to explore more opportunities in college.
As for careers in math and computer science, it’s difficult to know where to start. It’s difficult to envision myself as a theoretical mathematician nor coder. Furthermore, I don’t know basic programming languages and won’t take computer science until next year. I suppose one doesn’t have to be a genius to be a theoretical mathematician, but it seems like a daunting profession. I guess anything performed at a high level should be difficult, but upper level math just seems notorious for it.
Despite my previous paragraph, I do know that hard work can overcome most obstacles. Also, I know that I have a lifetime to figure out what career is right for me. Thank you for taking the time to respond.
@bopper, thank you for the mantra. You should also know that I regularly see a therapist for depression.
@silverpurple, your encouragement is exactly what I needed! It’s hard to see myself attending an elite school when I’m doing a mere two extracurriculars, but I hope it all works out in the end. It seems that activities freshman year don’t matter as much as I thought. Also, thank you for saying that I “write well”.
I recommend you make one of your goals learning to live the best you can meaning figuring out how to handle your depression more effectively so it doesn’t impact you as much. Life truly isn’t a competition and others are not going ahead of you. It is best to drop thinking that way. You are a unique person. I care deeply for someone who had a similar situation and once this person got on the right medication, the person felt so much better. This person didn’t take the same heavy course load that some others did and didn’t do as many activities, but the person is very smart and a good writer and into a small number of genuine but somewhat unique interests. The person had better success with college admission than others who were doing all the things you said you are not doing. They were in tons of clubs and did tons of things and etc etc. Comparing yourself to others and looking to them to figure out what you should do is a recipe for not being happy. The best thing you could get out of high school is a better handle on your mental health. You could be way ahead of others when you head off to college in terms of knowing yourself and self-care strategies that will work not only in college but in your career and life in general. This would be a true advantage in life. I think that in general, those who learn these things set themselves up to be much more successful and happier than those who don’t. And there are many who are not diagnosed with depression at your age who will have to deal with these types of issues in college and beyond. The person I know who I mentioned above decided to live for themself and not do things because you are ‘supposed to’ and is so much happier. Not doing all the things on the list that people seem to think is required didn’t holding the person back in terms of college admission. I understand wanting to go to a top school. But that won’t make you happy if you don’t get a handle on your emotional and mental health. You have a great opportunity now to work on that.
you are already enough. you do not need to do all these things to be a worthy person. many adults still haven’t learned that yet. You are doing great from the sound of things. Honestly.
Also, there are many great options for a student like you that might be beyond the Ivy league like getting into various Honors Colleges and other special programs, maybe getting scholarships, some quite substantial for someone like you from the sound of it. You might stay open to those other possibilities, which could be equally wonderful to an Ivy.
‘This is why I was disappointed by the fact that I didn’t enjoy my school’s robotics course and previous years of Tech Ed; I realized that I didn’t like working with my hands. However, I remain fascinated by math and science. I’m truly excited for my STEM endeavors for next year.’
This is GREAT! Seriously! You figured out more about what you like and want to do and you are only a freshman. The more you figure things out like that, the closer you are to figuring what you do want to do.
