Mental Illness First Appears At College

Parents Forum
21

<p>I'm not the parent with personal experience you are looking for Bob. It's heart breaking to see your frustration in not being able to get your daughter help now. I hope NAMI will be a good resource for your family.</p>

<p>Other parents or students who read about Bob's situation and who are concerned at all about their students or themselves might want to read a new book by Ross Szabo called Behind Happy Faces, which details the author's struggle with bipolar disorder during high school and college and offers resources for help. Link: <a href="http://www.behindhappyfaces.com/%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.behindhappyfaces.com/&lt;/a> or visit Revolution Health's Online College Mental Health Fair at <a href="http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthfair/?msc=A62826%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.revolutionhealth.com/healthfair/?msc=A62826&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Campus mental health issues hardly receive the same attention as drug and alcohol education, but these issues must not be overlooked as college counseling centers report increases in the number of students with severe psychological problems.</p>

22

<p>I, too, lack the personal experience you are seeking. One possibility is to consider withdrawing financial support. Would your daughter be able to attend her college if you provided no financial support? You might consider changing your user name to protect your daughter's privacy. I am sorry for your family's pain.</p>

23

<p>Bob,
please take curmudgeon's advice. Find a lawyer in that jurisdiction who has done this before. A lawyer who knows what the judge in that area is going to want to see. One thing I have learned about lawyers is that they are like doctors, you need a specialist in your type of case and one who intimately knows the players in your jurisdiction. Good luck.</p>

24

<p>Bob,</p>

<p>Some thoughts from someone who has worked with Bipolar Illness.....An excellent book that is accurate and informative is Moodswing by Ronald Fieve, MD. Generally, in adults, manic and depressive episodes tend to look similar to past episodes when they recur. If your daughter became rapidly ill and tried to hurt herself in the past, this is reason to be very concerned. If she responded well to treatment, then she is likely to do very well with treatment in the future. Bipolar illness is often very successfully treated, and future episodes can often be prevented with ongoing treatment.
Like yourself, if your child is 18 or older, you cannot force someone into treatment against their will. Generally, only if someone is an immediate danger to themselves or others, or profoundly unable to care for themselves, can someone be forced (often with lice involvement) into involuntary treatment. If you had success convincing her to be treated in the past, you might take a similar tact now. You might consider calling the school's student mental health, and the dorm counsellor. There is no problem with confidentiality with their listening to you -and you can provide invaluable information to them - but they can not generally provide information back to you. Recognizing everyone's limitations, hopefully, you can establish a working with relation with someone at the school, as I'm sure you all want your child to get the treatment she needs. Good luck</p>

25

<p>We have good friends whose son developed full-blown bipolar disorder while in college. During HS it was diagnosed as ADHD but in his sophomore year of college it became apparent that it was bipolar disorder. He denied that he needed any help - he was not suicidal, but stopped going to classes, had delusions of grandeur. He refused to take medicine, thought he didn't need it. He would not take any suggestions from his parents. He was at risk of flunking out.</p>

<p>Fortunately the school worked closely with the parents; someone in the administration spoke with the parents, and then would speak with the son about how he was at risk of flunking out, etc. He was more willing to listen to someone from the school, but still he would not take meds.</p>

<p>Finally over the summer the father wrote him a letter (to avoid any arguments, etc) saying that they would not pay for another year of school unless he took medication. The son is now at school, on medication, and seems to be doing well for the time being at least.</p>

<p>There have been many articles written in the Wall St journal about this subject and the problems parents have in getting info from or action by, schools. Schools have been sued when students have died or committed suicide after the school was warned by the parents. I hope that your D's school is aware of this?</p>

<p>Just a thought - could you arrange a joint meeting with your D, college psychologist, and yourselves? It should be called by the college psychologist (not by you). Perhaps she would show her true colors in a meeting with all of you present.</p>

<p>My best wishes to you during a very difficult time -</p>

26

<p>so sorry to hear about your situation. sounds like you're getting some good advice here. you might want to read Crazy: A Father's Search Through America's Mental Health Madness by Pete Earley--he's a journalist with a mentally ill child who writes about the issues his family and others face in your circumstances. </p>

<p>is there a member of the clergy in your town or where your child goes to college who could help with an intervention or counseling of some sort? </p>

<p>unfortunately, my only experience with the mental health system (trying to get a 72-hour hold on someone who was threatening herself and others) was an exercise in frustration. they wouldn't admit her, and two days later, I had to call 911 to get her off my doorstep. </p>

<p>i wish you so much luck and will be thinking of you.</p>

27

<p>Bob - I know you're looking for someone who has gone through a similar experience. While I have not, you might find some answers in this article that appeared in the New York Times in December 2006. It is titled "Off to College Alone, Shadowed by Mental Illness" and relates several personal stories from parents' and students' perspectives and may contain some helpful information.</p>

<p><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/08/health/08Kids.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/08/health/08Kids.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I wish you a good outcome to your very difficult situation.</p>

28

<p>Bob,</p>

<p>Where is the other thread detailing your experience?</p>

29

<p>Bob--My heart goes out to you and your family. My s-i-l is bipolar and was expelled (if that is the word) from grad school. Her refusal to stay on meds/in treatment has caused her family much trouble over the years.</p>

<p>Just a thought--If you feel that your D is in a crisis situation, could you say that she is a "danger to herself" because she "threatened suicide" while talking to you on the phone? (Even if she didn't, would she remember or know the difference, and would she be believed if she denied it?)
If you can get her into treatment, force her (if possible) to sign the papers necessary to allow you to make all medical decisions for her.</p>

<p>I know many people won't like this idea, (I'm not so sure about it myself) but it is the kind of thing that I wish could have been done for my s-i-l when she was younger. She has had some periods of stability and employment when she stayed on her meds. She has also lived on the streets and in homeless shelters for years and has been picked up by the police a number of times; she has threatened and attacked her siblings, initiated half a dozen pointless lawsuits, etc. Truly, I wish they had implantable medications for the mentally ill, because there is no way to get adults to take medicine if they "don't believe that they need it."</p>

30

<p>If your daughter has had a previous episode and was hospitalized, does she have a private therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist who can be of assistance? Did your daughter ever sign release forms allowing you to talk to these drs, or allowing htem to talk to other treating doctors? I am well aware of HIPAA laws and privacy and all that, but you are right to try to prevent a second episode. With the history you describe, your dau sounds very fragile and the college mental health facility is not being appropriate. They should be more concerned. Psychosis hits in late adolescence/early adulthood. Your dau's dorm RA, if there is one, could perhaps check on your dau. If your dau is being paranoid or agitated or non-compliant with the RA, the RA can help facilitate an involuntary evaluation. I am in the mental health field, but I am wearing my parent hat on this one.</p>

31

<p>1923:
The thread is "How Happy Is Your Freshman?"
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=405137%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=405137&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I've also done a lot of PMing...because I don't want to make everything public.</p>

32

<p>Bob-
Go get your daughter. If she fights/resists, hits you or whatever, then you can call the police if you have to and get an emergency evaluation for her being a danger to herself or others. Having read both of your threads, and hearing that this lack of cooperation is out of character for her- go get your kid and take care of her. The worst you can be accused of is being an overly concerned parent. Welcome to the club! The school can give her an emergency break from classes. Worry about that part later. Better safe than sorry.</p>

33

<p>I would talk to a lawyer before following the advice in #31.</p>

34

<p>Adad-
Post 31 is the OP's own post! If you are referring to mine, the OP can go up to campus and tell his dau that they are going to stay together in a hotel room for a few days and that he wants to be sure she is getting good rest, meals, etc. If she is beliggerent, delusional, paranoid or what have you, it can then be dealt with when he is there. If he is wrong and is overreacting, he'll be able to tell that from having spent a few days with his daughter. This is a tough situation. I have seen kids who have been in just this situation, and they usually ultimately appreciate their parents concern and involvement. I have seen kids who are psychotic, who have gotten into drugs/alcohol, etc, but whe they get this fragile, they do not function , even with the help of the friends they allow to help them, for very long.</p>

35

<p>ADad--I agree.</p>

36

<p>I am sorry jym626, I did mean #32.</p>

37

<p>Long ago, I dealt with this issue not as a parent, but as a roommate and friend. It was awful -- one of the fundamental events of my life, something that affected me for years. Unfortunately, my experience does not provide much practical advice for you. My roommate was not, I think bipolar; it was pretty much a straight schizophrenic episode, with auditory and visual hallucinations and extensive delusions. Ultimately, I unwittingly provoked a complete breakdown by arranging for an adult I trusted -- my college's Hillel rabbi -- to talk to my roommate, who believed he was going through a mystical religious conversion experience. When I took him to talk to the rabbi, however, he couldn't handle it at all, and collapsed on the floor, writhing and "speaking in tongues". The rabbi drove us to the hospital -- on Shabbat, something that was hard for him to do -- as I restrained my friend in the back seat.</p>

<p>The parents were in complete denial. He was hospitalized that time for six weeks; I think they visited him three times, including the first weekend, despite the fact that they lived less than a 3-hour drive away. They brought him an expensive watch, which in a miraculous bit of poetic justice never, ever worked. I can barely imagine how difficult things were for them -- how much worry and guilt -- but they didn't deal with it well as far as I could tell. Their main concern seemed to be that he not lose time, and in fact he graduated on time, despite three hospitalizations in the 16 months between the first break and graduation. (He was plenty smart. He was able to do his coursework reasonably well during all but the worst episodes.)</p>

<p>My impression was that the college worked fairly closely with the parents, and allowed them to make most of the choices. This was a long time ago, however, and my friend was nothing if not a compliant son. He would not have done anything to challenge his parents' control.</p>

<p>I say "my impression", however, because no one -- parents, doctors, college -- gave the people with whom he was living any information or support whatsoever. We would hear from him, of course, about his therapy and his parents, but he was not a reliable witness, to say the least. We couldn't even tell if he was taking his meds, because we were rarely certain what meds he was supposed to be taking. We understood perfectly well that this situation was legally appropriate, but I felt and continue to feel that it was not morally appropriate. We had to deal with a lot of stuff with no guidance at all: What to do when he started to stalk a young woman (or, more precisely, what to do when his theretofore harmless stalking got more aggressive, and she realized it was happening)? What to do when the hallucinations returned? We tried to do our best, to be good people, but none of us has spoken with him since we graduated. One of our other roommates became depressed and dropped out of college; he struggled with depression for 4-5 years thereafter.</p>

<p>So, here is what I have to offer: Her college friends will burn out. My friends and I would never have lasted as long as we did if we hadn't had 2-1/2 years of close friendship with a non-mentally-ill person prior to his break, and even then we did burn out. Her friends are probably worried and frightened. They have no idea what the right thing to do is. They probably distrust you, the parents, some, because after all the situation is (as they imagine it) probably your fault.</p>

<p>It's a crazy, stupid situation. If you want them to help -- and they probably do want to help -- you have to talk to them and to tell them how.</p>

38

<p>Very well said, JHS. People who want to help or be supportive often do not know how. My s and a friend of his were in a similar situation their freshman year. The friend's roommate had a breakdown within a few weeks of the start of freshman year . I don't know all the details, but he had barricaded himself in a room with a knife, I believe. Because he had a weapon, the RA, House fellows (faculty) and counseling staff were able to intervene approriately. My s and his friend (the roommate) handled it, and the ill student, remarkably well, but fortunately had help from the Univ. staff and faculty.</p>

<p>I am not saying don't check with an attorney. I am always a proponent of being sure yiou are doint hings within the bbounds of the law, and within your legal rights. I am just saying be a parent, and trust your gut.</p>

39

<p>I was just listening to "On Point" on public radio and the guests were high functioning people with schizophrenia--one was a college prof, for example. They were talking about how difficult it is to know how to help, because each person and each illness is different and intervention that helps one person might exacerbate someone else's condition. They said they really had to learn to recognize and work with their own illnesses and so did the people who cared for and about them. And that sometimes it takes several episodes over a period of time for that to happen, even with everyone doing their best. I know schizophrenia is a different illness, but I think the same could probably be said for bipolar disorder as far as how individually people need to be treated. It's very difficult for everyone involved.</p>

<p>Unfortunately for both conditions, there are often "built-in" features that make it difficult for the sufferer to see that they have a problem and to accept treatment. And even once treatment is started, the side effects of the meds (though the drugs have improved greatly) can also make compliance over time a problem. However, at least there are treatments available now and many people do learn to live with these illness and live productive, satisfying lives. But it's very tough to go through this process.</p>

40

<p>Dear Bob - during her freshman year my D had a friend who was involuntarily committed to the psych ward at the local hospital. To be honest my D did not understand what had happened except she said her friend started behaving strangely and campus security took her to a local hospital. She told me her friend refused to contact her parents even after she was committed to the psych ward.</p>

<p>The friend had my D doing research to try to find out how to get out of the psych ward and kept asking her to call the police to find out why she had been arrested and where her lawyer was. When my D asked me about it I told my D the best thing she could do for her friend was to persuade her friend to contact her parents to let them know what had happened. I told my D her friend should return home where she had a support system and that her parents could help her find a specialist to treat her illness. I also wondered about the medical insurance situation.</p>

<p>I was honestly shocked that no one had notified this girl's parents, but she was 18 - so she was an adult. My D kept visiting and suggesting she contact her parents. It took about two months, but finally the girl contacted her parents and she returned home.</p>

<p>So, something is going to happen - I would say be prepared the best way possible and have all your legal options ready to implement when your D has her breakdown. That's all you can do at this point. And hopefully your D's friends are asking their parents the same questions my D asked me. It's a scary situation and I wish you and your family the best.</p>