<p>I enrolled at a California community college in Fall of 2012. I started straight after high school to complete my general ed and get away from home for a while. I figured I would use my time at community college to try out different subjects and see what I liked. I knew I had depression and anxiety when I went into college, but I thought that I could somehow will it away by staying busy.</p>
<p>I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I felt like I needed to be doing something so I picked 6 classes and got overwhelmed. I did poorly in 2 classes (advanced sewing and lab) and dropped them. Still, I didn't do too well in my other classes. I got an A, a B, and 2 C's. My GPA for that semester was 2.76. I was disappointed, but not surprised. I decided that I would do better next semester and enrolled in 2 classes (Italian and Journalism) for Spring 2013. I got a B and a C. My GPA was a 2.6. </p>
<p>Cum GPA for freshman year: 2.8 (I aced a high-unit class in high school, which brought my grade up). </p>
<p>I'm extremely ashamed and feel like I've failed myself and my parents. I'm seeing a therapist this summer about my mental issues and holding off on taking more classes until I feel I'm ready to do well. Something good that came out of this whole year is I finally found what I want to do (although it's kind of late in the game compared to a lot of people). I want to major in film and go to film school. I don't have a concrete plan for this since my grades are so terrible, but I was thinking of switching my major, taking film classes in the fall, building a portfolio, and bringing up my grades. I'd like your advice and input. I know I've been a terrible student, but I really want to try my hardest and make the most out of the opportunity I have. In the meantime, I'm working on a photography portfolio this summer.</p>
<p>Honestly, is there hope for me?</p>
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<p>This is going to sound really whiny, but I think I should explain exactly how my depression and anxiety affected my schooling. I've never told any of my academic counselors about it since I've always had good grades, but now I think it's starting to affect me. </p>
<p>I've struggled with depression since I was 11 years old (a childhood trauma majorly contributed to my poor self-esteem, obsessive tendencies, and anxiety). I should have dealt with it then, but my grades were good so I didn't think I needed to see anyone about my depression and was too ashamed to tell anyone about my trouble making new friends. In high school I began to get anxiety and panic attacks. I begged my parents to home school me, so halfway through my freshman semester I began independent study through the school. I managed to keep up my straight A's, but had the worst depression I'd ever experienced during those first 3 years of high school. I'd cry all day, never leave the house, lost all of my friends, choke up in front of people, and sleep for 12-15 hours a day or not at all. I graduated with a 4.0 and thought I'd make a fresh start in college. </p>
<p>At first it was a relief just to be out of the house (pathetic I know). I managed to make a few friends despite my anxiety. I began taking chances and stopped avoiding people. I did well in most of my classes and kept up the good work until halfway through the semester when things got bad again. For no reason at all I began to worry about going to class and being in public. I'd take bathroom breaks to cry because out of nowhere I'd randomly get lightheaded, incredibly sad/doomed, feel a bunch of tears welling up, and my heart pounding out of my chest. Class presentations were the worst. The only presentation I did well in was a college success class (how ironic) where a lot of the students seemed to have social anxiety. In one class, costume and culture I managed give my presentation but kept pausing, stuttering, choking up, and getting red. I just avoided and skipped my photography presentation. As for the second semester, I basically repeated the same thing.</p>
<p>I think my grades took a blow from the homework and presentations. It was a mix of depression (I couldn't function in many other parts of my life either), anxiety, and a new environment. I did well on self-led projects though. Two professors said I did the best work in the class, but were surprised about it because my homework was inconsistent.</p>
<h2>It is summer vacation right now. I opted not to enroll in any summer classes because I know I won't be able to keep up. I want to take care of my mental health first. I'm seeing a therapist for the first time next week and possibly start taking medication if necessary. I'm thinking about talking to a school counselor about my anxiety and depression, but I don't know if it will do any good. It might allow certain accommodations regarding future presentations.</h2>
<p>Thanks for reading this somewhat jumbled-up post. I know that a lot of users on here have taken the most rigorous courses at really good universities and have probably dealt with a lot more than I have, but I'd humbly appreciate any advice you'd be willing to share with me. Thank you and have a good day.</p>
) or sleeping… like you already mentioned, you need to try and reintegrate yourself into the world before working on your other plans. Once this makes you happier, you can try and take a few courses in school again… although I wouldn’t recommend a full load juuuust yet