Military or boarding school for bright, failing student with ADD

Prep School Admissions
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<p>I’m looking for suggestions for military or other boarding schools for my 9th grade son. He is very bright in all areas, but especially in math and science. He’s done very well at CTY summer programs. Last year his teacher said that he was among the most exceptional students he’d ever had in over a decade of teaching at CTY and even more years teaching in an independent HS. But my son has failed every course this year in our local HS. He has been diagnosed this year with ADD, to our surprise, because he has never been hyperactive. But he is very, very disorganized, and during MS his grades gradually declined because of lost or forgotten homework assignments or projects. </p>

<p>So far, he has refused to try medication. On the advice of his therapist, my husband and I are looking for boarding schools for next year, and he would be applying to repeat 9th grade. He is not a behavior problem. On the contrary, he is exceptionally polite and respectful to teachers and other adults, and kind and accepting of other students. Drugs and alcohol are not in the picture, and I don’t think they’re likely to become issues for him. </p>

<p>We are hoping to find a boarding school that would:</p>

<li><p>be willing to accept a student who is extremely bright but who has failed 9th grade</p></li>
<li><p>provide the academic challenge that he needs</p></li>
<li><p>provide a warm, nurturing, and tolerant community</p></li>
</ol>

<p>From what I can tell, there are plenty of schools for highly motivated students who are high achievers, and plenty of schools for kids with serious problems, such as drug or alcohol addiction. But I don’t know where to start looking for a school for a very bright, underachieving kid with no other problems.</p>

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<p>Here's a link to BSR (boarding school review) that lists schools that have programs for learning disabled (ADD) kids. Good luck!</p>

<p>LD</a> Boarding Schools - Boarding School Review</p>

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<p>I think the current school setting is not for him. Since he can attend cty. so he is identified as gifted student. In PA, it is required by law to provide him to have indivual plan (GIEP). the gifted teacher would be able to help him for some issue. in the mean, I think someone will come out some idea.</p>

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<p>Thank you for the responses. </p>

<p>jennycraig, I'm not sure that a school for learning-disabled kids would be right for my son. He functions at a very high level in the right setting, with academic challenge and structure (such as CTY). He has only some features of ADD, and does not have others. For example, his SAT scores from 7th grade were in the 90+ percentiles compared to HS seniors. And this is with no preparation (no course, no practice testing) and no accommodations. So letting the ADD drive the search does not seem to make sense.</p>

<p>yan, I agree that the current school setting is not appropriate. Our school district is very small, only about 150 students per grade in the entire school. And our state does not have a mandate for gifted education.</p>

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<p>What about a school like Proctor Academy or New Hampton School where they have special programs like Learning Skills and Academic Support Programs? Might be worth a look. </p>

<p>From Proctor website:
Learning Skills
Learning Skills offers a program of extra support for a number of motivated students who are able to undertake a challenging, college preparatory curriculum. The program is designed for both students who have a documented learning disability and for those who have experienced academic difficulty because of a lack of organization and/or study skills. The program of direct instruction is delivered in four hours of two-on-one tutoring per week with a trained learning specialist. Based on testing, observations and class performance, the teacher assesses the student's academic strengths and weaknesses and develops a program with the student which focuses on goals for:
Achieving his/her level of potential in the basic skills of reading, writing, and mathematics.
Improving the student's organization and study skills thereby increasing his/her ability to acquire, integrate, store, retrieve and express knowledge.
Developing the student's awareness and comprehension of his/her own learning style and thus becoming a good self-advocate.
Becoming an independent learner. </p>

<p>From New Hampton website:
The Academic Support Program (ASP) helps New Hampton School students develop an understanding of their singular strengths and differences, which enables them to contribute to the school community and to the world at large. ASP faculty are mentors who model what they expect students to learn, provide opportunities for guided practice, and encourage student progress and independence.</p>

<p>The overarching goal of the ASP is to help students build learning confidence through skill development and use of strategies. At New Hampton School tutorial is a regularly scheduled class, in contrast to other schools where tutoring may take place once or twice a week, in the evening or after regular classes are over for the day. Integrating tutoring into the student's daily class schedule leads to a high level of student commitment to the tutorial process, and an increase in the effectiveness of strategy instruction.</p>

<p>As an outcome of their participation in the ASP, students will have greater awareness of themselves as learners: they will know their strengths, understand their individual learning styles, and use strategies effectively and independently. Students gain confidence as they progress through the ASP and begin taking the risks necessary for substantial learning to take place.</p>

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<p>Just to clarify, do you mean that you want a school where they can keep your son motivated and on track but that they still have top par academics. I think that this is what you mean, but correct me if I am wrong.</p>

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<p>My son also has ADD. It is a different condition to ADHD which is the one that involves hyperactivity and behaviour problems. ADD does not involve hyperactivity or behaviour problems. My son pretty much fell through the cracks at school because he was quiet and well behaved but struggled. Luckily in 5th grade his teacher happened to go to a course about ADD and realized that many of the things she learned applied to him. She said she sat in class and thought to herself - they are talking about xxx. This is a teacher with probably 20+ years experience under her belt - they are not trained to recognize this. The ADHD kids usually get spotted because of the problem behaviour - the ADD kids fall through the cracks. Mine would do the homework but somehow it would not get turned in etc etc plus a lot of other signs. We had him tested and sure enough he had ADD as well as a writing LD. His IQ is high - in the 130s. He went on medication for 6th grade which did help him. Did not want to take it in 7th grade and up - we agreed that he would not have to but it was his responsibility to keep his grades up. He did fine in HS.</p>

<p>It is not a problem that goes away unfortunately. He is in his early 20s now and still finds it hard to focus on studying. Tried college but did not complete it. He actually decided to try medication again but found it made him feel so agitated that he discontinued. He is a very hard worker and every employer he has had has loved him because of his strong work ethic and there is always an open invitation for him to return. He is currently trying to figure out a career that will not require him to go back to college as he finds the studying just too hard. I think if he had ever found an area that really interested him he would have done better in college. My daughter who is very academic and is a very good student was quite shocked when they did SCUBA classes together and he scored higher than her in the written tests. I think because it interested him he could focus better.</p>

<p>How does your son feel about the boarding school idea? For my son it would not have been something I would have chosen because he needed more emotional support than I felt BS would have provided. I don't know about military school - the 'nurturing and supportive' element might be absent there. Now for a kid with ADHD maybe that would be a good choice. Good luck. it is tough to see them struggle. My son is very intelligent but he often felt stupid because of his ADD.</p>

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<p>Why did he fail all those courses? Did he refuse to do the work?</p>

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<p>Yes, I had reservations adding the link, because of the "learning disabled" phrase. However, you may want to contact some of the schools on the list just to speak with someone about your son's situation. There are schools that give support to ADD/ADHD students. Typically they have programs of extra support for motivated students with documented learning disabilities or simply students that have experienced academic difficulty because of a lack of organization and/or study skills. They can be extremely bright kids who score in the 90% percentile of SAT's, but just need additional support getting organized. Other than the added program, everything else is the same---rigorous college prep courses.</p>

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<p>Salisbury School - all boys in Connecticut.</p>

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<p>I am so grateful for all the responses.</p>

<p>creative1, I've looked up Proctor and New Hampton and they look like possibilities, thanks!</p>

<p>jazlyntrue, I am thinking that the structure of boarding school, and the challenge and excitement of being with similarly bright students, along with some practical help with organization and study skills, would be all that my son needs. Until this year he has always been very motivated to learn, and he has done quite a few self-learning things on his own outside of school. But this year he seems to have lost his intellectual curiousity.</p>

<p>Thank you for the information, swimcatsmom. My son sounds very similar to yours. I'm sorry that he has not found his way yet. This is what I am afraid is in my son's future if we do not take action now. He is absolutely against boarding school, so we have a problem there. This is the reason I thought of military school. </p>

<p>greennblue, My son has failed all courses because he has missed too much school this year to get credit. For a while, he was staying up late and not getting up in the morning. He is failing some courses (aside from losing credit for absences) because he has done no homework or classwork. In these classes, though, he has gotten almost perfect scores on all tests. In a couple of other classes, he does exceptional work, according to his distressed teacher, but has missing projects and assignments. In one computer science elective, he has an average in the high 90's. This course has no homework and all materials stay in the classroom (like CTY). But he will not get credit because of excessive absences.</p>

<p>He is going to school now.</p>

<p>Thank you, jennycraig, I will do that. What you describe sounds like what my son needs.</p>

<p>Shelley, I looked up Salisbury, but did not see anything about support for ADD. It looked like a school for high-achieving kids. Is it a school that might consider a student like my son?</p>

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<p>Salisbury does not offer support per se for ADD or ADHD.</p>

<p>You might look at Trinity-Pawling in Pawling, New York. Traditional all-boys prep school with a unique approach...</p>

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<p>I looked up Trinity-Pawling, and I see that they have a program for bright boys with dyslexia. My son has no reading issues, although his handwriting (printing, really) is very small and illegible. </p>

<p>One thing that I wonder about is that many of these schools have very low average SSAT scores (e.g., 40th percentile for T-P). My son hasn't taken the SSAT, but he regularly gets 99+ on all standardized tests, in all areas. I know that the schools have a range of kids, but how can I find out what the distribution is?</p>

<p>Another concern is that a school that concentrates on athletics may have a "jock" atmosphere that would not be right for my son, who does not excel in athletics. He likes to participate, but only if he is not the worst one on the team. </p>

<p>I am daunted by this process. If we are to visit schools, we have only one month before the school year ends.</p>

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<p>MomNeedingAdvice - away from his organizational/ADD issues, please tell us more about your son - interests, personality, etc.</p>

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<p>Brewster Academy is trying to reinvent itself as a very supportive environment for kids who need a hands-on approach to study skills. They were hemorrhaging students for years and had a 60% retention rate - until a new head came in a decade ago, created this niche and generally shook things up. So far, they have been very successful, I have personal experience with the students of this smallish school, and they are a genuinely nice bunch. Can't beat the location. I know plenty who are decidedly not jocks. Admissions head is one of the brightest, caring women I have ever met in my life - she and her husband have been there for at least 20 years. PM if you want more info. Worth a look.</p>

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<p>As your son is very against the idea of boarding school have you sat down and talked to him about other options. For instance that he can stay at his current school but try the ADD meds and that he has to work with you on a way of becoming more organized. Then if he can keep up passing grades he can stay there.</p>

<p>I really am perturbed by the idea of forcing him to go to a boarding school when he is so against the idea. Boarding school is not going to be a "solve everything" that will get rid of the ADD. If he is so against the idea then he may be very unhappy and you may be creating a lot of resentment that may last a lifetime. If he had behaviour problems I could understand this route - as he does not i think it may be an error and you may create behaviour problem born of anger at you making him go. I think my son, who sounds like yours, would have been desperately unhappy at boarding school. Admitedley my son has not quite found his direction in life - but he is only 21 and still has time. Part of his problem is that he has not found an area he is interested enough in. I think he will eventually and I think he will be successful once he figures out what he wants to do. He has completed about 50 credit hours. Do I think forcing him to go to a boarding school would have made him do better at college - I truly do not.</p>

<p>I think a long discussion with your son is needed. Ask him what he would propose as an alternative to the boarding school idea. I think military school would be an awful idea unless that is something he is interested in.</p>

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<p>liddyb4, I am going to PM you. I've looked at Brewster's website and it is intriguing.</p>

<p>swimcatsmom, Under normal circumstances I would not consider forcing my son to go to boarding school. In fact, I would never have considered allowing him to go to boarding school. My husband went to one, and considers his time there the best time of his life. He has, over the years, mentioned that perhaps our son would go there someday. I was always horrified by the idea. It felt like a knife in my heart. But we are watching our son deteriorate. He thrives in one situation (CTY), and does very poorly in another. All that I can do is try to reproduce the situation that allows him to thrive. </p>

<p>Our plan is to tell him that he has only two choices: start taking the medication, and show some progess in getting his life in order, or start looking into boarding schools. The therapist suggested military schools (which I would not normally have considered) because my son is not open to changing schools.</p>

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<p>swimcatsmom, We have had many conversations with our son. He has refused an organizational tutor or any help from us. He has refused to try the medication. He keeps saying that he will do better in school, and he is sincere, but he cannot follow through. The therapist says that this is the ADD in action.</p>

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<p>creative1, It's hard to describe my son because he has changed so much in the last year. For one thing, he is now taller than me. I don't think that someone who hasn't seen him in a year would recognize him. Lots of physical changes. </p>

<p>Math and science have always been his primary interests, but he has also been intensely interested in history and languages. He is very creative and thinks outside the box. For example, we were always told that he "should" play chess. But he was never interested in playing chess or any other game - he would always take the pieces, make his own game board, set up his own rules. He is articulate and reads widely. He's interested in politics and is very conscious of inequalities in society. </p>

<p>He used to love sports, and played most of them, but became discouraged when he found himself near the bottom of the team in most sports. He loves sailing, skiing, fencing. He's played some tennis, and does reasonably well, and he earned a black belt in Tae Kwon Do a few years ago. He always wished that he could find teams/leagues that played at mediocre levels so that he could play but not feel bad about himself.</p>

<p>He is a very kind person, and has never been mean to other kids. He never accepts the prevailing wisdom about other kids, and always finds something good even in the outcasts, and has befriended and protected some of them. He is well-liked, probably because he is not arrogant about his intellect, but I would not call him social. He has a few good friends. In our HS, sports are king, and the kids who play on the teams are the popular ones. He doesn't really fit in. CTY was ideal for him, socially, and he was very happy there.</p>

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<p>Dear mom,
I have a son similar to yours. He never got into any type of trouble but quietly sat in the back of the class in a fog. As to military boarding schools, be very careful about which one you choose. Randolph Macon Academy is co-ed and deals only with HS kids (some others have post grad programs that prep athletes for college so I would avoid these). Son did 10th grade and really came out a lot, socially and academically. He's coming back home to go a small private school rather than re-enter the large, competitive HS he was in for 9th grade. S missed having a full head of hair and also missed being in an orchestra (he's a string player). He matured greatly and, in general, I feel the decision for him to go was good. Here is our experience:</p>

<p>Pros: Faculty was very nurturing and supportive, enforced study hall (I loved having a break from micromanaging s's academic life), s got to play 3 varsity sports and went to state champs in 2 of them (his would never have happened in our top performing 4-A public school), s made a variety of interesting friends-particularly the international students, he learned to organize himself better and how to approach adults for help. The house parents really seemed to care a lot about the kids.</p>

<p>Cons: Some of the kids did have "issues" and probably needed treatment rather than boarding school (S is easy to get along with-never had problems with them but got annoyed with their behavior), the military drill and emphasis on detail was frustrating at times, the stigma of attending military boarding school wore thin and I got tired of explaining to friends why s chose this.</p>

<p>I would suggest having your son attend summer school at one. He can earn a credit in a course and get a sense of fit. My son was resistant but did agree to try summer school. He enrolled for the following year after summer school.</p>

<p>My best to you. It was very hard having S gone as we always had a good relationship and my only complaint was the C's and low B's sprinkling his transcript while in public school. I wondered if my husband and I were going over the top when we suggested this to our son. Ideally, I wish he would go back next year. He's made great grades and seems more confident. Hopefully he can continue this growth at the smaller school at home.</p>