<p>My D applied and was accepted for a scholarship at one of her top colleges for a 7-week summer program performing research in her field.</p>
<p>It starts early before her high school year ends - and she would not only miss classes but also senior luncheon, prom, graduation and a post-graduation trip that she had planned with her friends.</p>
<p>If she chooses this school - I think that the opportunity is too good to walk away from. However, I am not sure how much to push this - perhaps forcing her into an all or nothing situation where she ends up picking the other school to avoid the complications of this situation. </p>
<p>Theoretically, she could choose this school - and turn down the summer scholarship. Your thoughts?</p>
<p>The question isn’t what choice she should make – it’s whether she has a choice.</p>
<p>The senior events are optional. Graduating from high school isn’t. It sounds as though she will miss some school, including final exams. Will she exceed the permitted number of unexcused absences? Will her teachers and the school administration agree to let her take her finals early? Will she miss AP or IB exams, and if she will, is that a problem from her high school’s point of view? (Some high schools require students in AP or IB courses to take the tests.)</p>
<p>First she needs to find out whether she can meet her high school’s graduation requirements. Then, and only then, does it make sense to discuss the pros and cons of the summer program.</p>
<p>Look fwd…
If she is accepted here at an amazing program…she is walking into a FUTURE…</p>
<p>HS is soooo far away by Dec of the freshman year.</p>
<p>SHE has to feel she has chosen and it is her choice…that she values the program over prom etc.
and IF she chooses prom etc over the program…RELAX…</p>
<p>We can have dreams for them yet they have their lives to choose. You can share you opinion/wisdom --carefully worded IF asked for/solicited.</p>
<p>What a blessing to have so many choices. I am sure you are so happy for her.</p>
<p>If her hs will cooperate–then she is in the drivers seat </p>
<p>Did she know the dates when she applied? If so, and this is the field she wants to major in during college, then unless it will literally cause her not to graduate, she should go. Asking whether it would be worth it to miss graduation, prom, senior luncheon, etc., is a question that should have been asked and answered before she applied.</p>
<p>If it were my D, she wouldn’t care about the events she was missing, but then we are a family that doesn’t get emotional about said events. I think it depends if your family is the type to put a lot of emphasis on the importance of the actual graduation ceremony, as well as the prom event, etc. You should find out from your D how she feels about it. That’s all that matters.</p>
<p>I’m impressed that she is this responsible.</p>
<p>As for the choice, I think it is hers to make.</p>
<p>For some students, the special end-of-senior-year events are deeply meaningful, and the memories of them are something they cherish for the rest of their lives. Other students couldn’t care less about prom, graduation, or anything else of that sort. And still others care about senior events but might be willing to give them up in favor of something they care about more.</p>
<p>Only your daughter can know which group she belongs to.</p>
<p>Speaking as someone who didn’t care too much about these events, I still think this has to be completely her choice. I think it’s really unfair to decide for her if she should be looking to the future or not (or even push her one way or the other). If they are meaningful to her, that counts for a lot. Don’t push her into something she will regeret, especially by telling her it’s her ‘obligation’. There won’t be a lot more time is life when she gets a chance to be carefree, and she may well regret that.</p>
<p>Is there any possibility of modifying the dates of the summer program? </p>
<p>She may not be the only student whose graduation comes late, and some of the others might not have high schools that are so cooperative. Can the college make any accommodations?</p>
<p>Agree with Marian- Ask if she can start the program later and stay later? or shorten it? If not then the choice comes down to which she chooses. Maybe not go to the research and still go to the college. Can she drive/fly back for prom/graduation?</p>
<p>I would definitely look into what rockymtnhigh suggested – if it’s not all the way across the country, then short flights or train rides to do graduation and prom seem doable – surely, the programs would work with your child on this.</p>
<p>Wow. Can’t believe I am the first to strongly suggest that she finish out her high school career like everyone else. These events are milestones marking the end of childhood. She will never get to relive this time. And what if she goes to the summer program and then realizes she doesn’t want to study whatever it was that she thought she did? She won’t be able to have a do-over.</p>
<p>I’d like to take the other side. She has the next four years to do research in her field - and the rest of her life after that. She will never again have a prom, senior lunch, and her HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION. Not to mention a trip that has been planned with friends, who I can assume are counting on her to go. </p>
<p>I’d say thanks but no thanks to the research program. I’d rather finish high school completely and with a good close, and then move on to college. I wouldn’t rush life any faster than it already goes.</p>
<p>Of course, if there is money dependent upon this program, that changes things… but it had better be a significant amount of money. Some things are just priceless. In my book, high school graduation and traditions of closure are among them.</p>
<p>If these things hold no sentimental value for her, I don’t see a reason for her to go. People who missed prom at my school also never regret it. I agree that this opportunity is amazing. However, people who hold memories closely may want to go. I know girls who would die if they don’t attend their senior prom. </p>
<p>I second whoever said that Dec of freshman year feels like ages ago. By the end of my first semester, I had forgotten how it was so recently that I was a high school graduate. Of course it may be different for everyone, but with the HUGE change that comes with college life, you really forget about high school and really focus on looking towards the future and adjusting to a new life.</p>
<p>It might be just me and my friends, but it seems people find college is a million times better than high school. And a lot of adults I talk to have their fondest memories in college, not high school. I’m definitely not discouraging her from going to these events that may be very memorable and fun – I’m just saying that a majority of people will forget the things that happened in high school but remember their entire college experience.</p>
<p>PS, some schools allow people to miss graduation but still receive a diploma. They just mail it.</p>
<p>I’ll be the fly in the ointment…I would, of course, ultimately support either decision, but I wouldn’t advocate for the summer program. My son has had an amazing high school experience. Great friends, great teammates, amazing teachers and coaches. It’s a small school, graduating class of about 85 and the relationships he’s made are so special. Senior year has been so stressful…for all of us - and I feel like these end-of-year celebrations have been so well earned. He’s got the next four years and three summers (at least) to take the world (of his “field”) by storm…I don’t think it needs to start any earlier than August.</p>
<p>Whatever the decision ends up, it has to be hers, and hers alone. It’s OK to want her to choose this program over the HS events, but you need to support her in whatever her decision is… remember that you’re asking her to choose this program over events that only happen once. You’re also asking her to choose this over her friends, and what might be her last opportunity to spend time with them as a group - there are no guarantees that all will be home for Thanksgiving, or that their breaks will all coincide. They may all be home for winter break, but they will also have various family obligations then.</p>
<p>If she is flip flopping, it’s because both are important to her. If you push her in one direction or the other, she may end up resenting you for doing so. Instead help her weight the choices - This school and the program, this school without the program, or another school.</p>
<p>If there is a way to participate in some of the HS activities, see if that can be worked out. Maybe she can find a balance. If money is involved, again look at how it balances out - does this make the school more affordable? Would that be balanced by the possibility of having a job over the summer? Would that extra money make it possible to afford a trip home for one of the HS events?</p>
<p>If the kid has no real social connections to anyone at the high school, encourage the summer program. But, if she has good friends and deep social connections, these events can help the kid say goodbye. They sort of formalize the ending. I would not encourage either of my D’s to miss them.</p>
<p>She will have many, many research opportunities in college if she seeks them out. If she wants to finish off these events, let her. I didn’t think much of them at the time but now they’re memories that I really do cherish. If she really doesn’t have a lot of close friends or really doesn’t care about these things, let her make that choice. </p>
<p>Do not push her one way or the other. Let it be her choice and hers alone.</p>