<p>I didn't think too much about after my daughter left for college, she is only an hour and a half away and when I dropped her off I sobbed all the way home, it was a good 2 weeks of crying I walk in her room and an overwhelming sadness hits me, I feel like someone died, I also wasn't prepared to feel that way after christmas break, its like I can't believe after 18 years of being together every day , we might not ever live together again, I know it will pass but I'm really sad, anyone else feel this way?</p>
<p>Mine won’t leave until fall and I already feel this way. Every time I think about it, I start to cry. Like now.</p>
<p>A neighbor with two boys said she was badly depressed for more than a year after her youngest left for college. Finally, she got over it and started to enjoy the empty nest. Then her oldest graduated and moved back in and disrupted the joy of her independence.</p>
<p>I’m international. Ever since I was accepted early decision, my mother has been really sad but she knows it’s what I’ve wanted for a long time.</p>
<p>Jojomg, I went through the same thing – the overwhelming sadness, walking in her room and crying . . . . It was really hard. Somehow my D being away also seemed to change family dynamics at home, and things got very tense between my husband and S for a while, but perhaps that would have happened anyway. </p>
<p>It does get better. It helps a lot that my D is very good about calling and emailing, and that I know she is extremely happy and thriving at her college.</p>
<p>It is terribly sad. But we all know it’s what’s suppossed to happen. I have a junior in college right now and I have my last starting this fall. I have already told my husband that I will probably fall into a deep depression of sorts in September with both of them gone and to just give me some space and support. With two boys, I don’t get the daily communication, so that makes it a little worse.</p>
<p>My pride in their accomplishments is what gets me through. And the occasional text. :)</p>
<p>Yes. It does get better. And I absolutely relate to the feeling that someone has died. I remember wondering how those parents who actually have lost a child cope. Mine was coming home in a few months, and still I felt such a sense of loss.
When my sister’s first child left home for boarding school, she said it felt like the air had been sucked out of their home.
The ‘homecomings’ are wonderful though. And the frenetic cooking and preparing for their return is energizing, isn’t it?</p>
<p>Its funny because my first one enters college fall 2012 and I was up last night crying in the middle of the night and its only January… I was feeling crazy and actually alone then I saw this post this morning. It feels like he will be leaving forever and the thought provokes alot of anxiety. I also noticed that Im finding faults in every school he applied to… like they are not safe enough or too much partying or too much stress. This is going to be a rough year.</p>
<p>The sadness is hard when they first leave, but I think what is really hard is staying flexible in adjusting to the comings and goings over the next few years. Just when you get used to an empty nest, three of them come back and their stuff takes over the living room. Just when you get used to them being home, they head off to college or a new apartment/job, and you miss them.</p>
<p>I have read that anywhere between 65% and 80% of graduates returned home last year. </p>
<p>I also read a great image of parenting at this age: we are the tree and they are squirrels. We don’t move toward them or away from them, but just stay where we are, offering a place to rest and recover, and also a place to launch from, but neutral.</p>
<p>Another thing: any parent with a kid with chronic medical problems can only feel overjoyed when their kid manages to leave home for a semester. If nervous. We should all be grateful that our kids are able to leave. For me, that’s the bottom line.</p>
<p>I like the image of the tree and the squirrel. When ds was accepted ed I cried with joy over it, mingled with the reality of him leaving. Most people tell me it’s the beginning of things changing. I know we raised them to be independent and in my heart I know I want both of my kids living their own lives. It’s just hard to believe this is the beginning of the end of this phase in my life. Which feels selfish, but I know it’s just normal.</p>
<p>I think a big thing is to make sure that if you’re married you have kept the relationship going with your spouse so you aren’t stuck with a stranger when everything changes. </p>
<p>We talk about retiring soon, though we’re in our 40’s and I keep coming back to thinking that once they’re both gone, we will want something else to do. We talk about moving south, but I think the kids will still want home base. Good news/bad news we probably couldn’t sell our house anyway.</p>
<p>When your life revolves around taking care of kids, it will take adjusting. I remember how strange it was when he went to first grade and I didn’t get to know what he was up to all day. That’s what got me choked up, I won’t really know these people, these experiences that he will have will be on him to tell us about.</p>
<p>My favorite quote for this feeling is from a friend; he would be in the living room and hear his wife in the kitchen steadying herself and saying over and over, “He’s not dead, he’s just in college. He’s not dead, he’s just in college. He’s not dead, he’s just in college.” That was her constant mantra her son’s first semester freshman year. He’s a junior now and she travels for work all over the country, she’s rarely home and she’s loving it. She still misses him and arranges visits when she’s in the same state as he is but this is what we’ve raised them to do and it’s all good.</p>
<p>And while it is never the same again, they do not leave quite as completely as you think! Between cell phones, texting, emails, etc. there is less separation than you might think, especially for girls. Many kids call on their way to class or while shopping for literally 3 -4 minutes. Then there’s the breaks - depending on their school they could be home every 6 weeks or so. They are not being shipped off somewhere for a solid year with no communication so, yes, it’s different, but they’re not gone. Mourn, then move on.</p>
<p>Mine did a fantastic job fouling the nest, so when she left, it was practically with my foot in her keister. She’s only about 10 minutes away, but I thought to myself, “I’m so glad this kid is living on campus. I’d kill her if she were at home.”</p>
<p>But after a few days, in spite of the noisy one still being home, I noticed that the house was SO QUIET. And I hated it, still do. And every time d1 comes home for a weekend or for the 2 week Christmas break and then leaves again, I have to adjust to the tomb-like house once again. Still hate it. </p>
<p>Every time I catch myself thinking about how I’d like her to come home for the weekend or something, I remind myself how much fun I had in college (ok, sometimes that just scares me). How selfish is it to want her back home? I should be happy for her, not moping around a too quiet house. Anyway, I guess you could say I get over it by giving myself a little mental *itch-slap.</p>
<p>My daughter graduated from university in May. Each time she left after “visiting” home for holidays or vacations it was hard, although it was a bit less so each time. Now, she is in Thailand for a year. I went to see her there over the holidays, and I won’t see her again for at least nine months. We are in touch through the internet, etc., but obviously, it’s not the same, and it’s really hard. However, I know that it’s my problem and that only time will make it easier. She will never live at home again. Even when she comes back from Thailand, she might be in California, or Iowa, or Ohio, or Italy, or Argentina, or… well, you get the picture. We have to learn how to let go. It’s very hard, but it has to happen because it’s the natural order of things. Time will help, and I know we all know that. Doesn’t make it easier… :(</p>
<p>Trees / squirrels. Yes, and those well fed squirrels sometimes relieve themselves on the trees as they scamper about the branches unmindful of what supports them, but they can also be so cute. :). Dads grow sad with this phase too, or at least this one does. Mine are heading off far away to very expensive places - a double whammy. I will pay big bucks to miss them just as they are becomming very entertaining.</p>
<p>jojomg - You really need to join us on this thread - <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1171197-awesome-parents-college-class-2015-beyond.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1171197-awesome-parents-college-class-2015-beyond.html</a> </p>
<p>Newbies welcome!</p>
<p>As a parent of two college grads, I have to say that it’s not a given nowadays that those college grads won’t be back! Our daughter moved home for a year between two moves and our latest college grad is home now. Unlike when we grew up, they don’t always stay out of the nest.</p>
<p>This post really struck a cord in me today. My DD (this abbreviation always makes me smile because on this website it means darling dgt and on another that I frequent it is dancing dgt.) just returned from winter break to her university on Sunday. She was home for 5 weeks. I got so used to her being home again. We had such a wonderful time together. We have always been close, attending all kinds of performances and dance conventions over the years. I tried really hard not to be at her studio as much her senior year. I didn’t realize that not only was that her second home but it was mine. I have so many friends there from all those years of her dancing there, she was 3 when she started. My husband thinking of all my “free time” that I would have thought I would need more hobbies. So over the last few years he has bought me a Cricut, a sewing machine and then this Christmas an embroidery machine. He must think I have at least one creative/crafty bone in my body. I have yet to find it. But I am trying, I first had to learn how to turn on the machine, and secondly figure out how to wind the bobbin with thread. I have decided that I will make some things for the DD dorm room. I think of her all the time and love it when she calls me out of the blue to tell me about her classes and what she is doing.</p>
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<p>Maybe ours was the atypical generation. In our parents’ time and in generations before theirs, it was common for young adults to live with their parents until they got married – although they might be away for periods of time for college or military service. And today, for financial reasons, many young adults live with their parents for various periods of time.</p>
<p>Were we the only ones who left our parents’ homes as soon as possible after graduation and never came back?</p>
<p>I try not to think about it, so I don’t depress myself too early - I still have months to go before I ship S off to college. But I know once those decisions start rolling in, it’ll hit me. S and I are really close, so I’ll definitely feel his absence. Luckily I still have his little brother to drive me crazy. </p>
<p>My husband said “only 7 more years before the little one leaves for college…and the older one comes back to live in our basement!” LOL!</p>
<p>Y’all go visit the bucket list thread! This is a great time to share your experiences with the kids and not have the kids BE the experience!</p>
<p>Like an above poster it was almost “good riddance”. Once gone (and now post college graduation) I tend to remember the good times, especially when I lack things to do as in the busy days of cooking/cleaning/chauffeuring et al and the huge house is too empty. Communications have improved, with friendly Skype visits as well as in person visiting him as much as his visiting us. Note the change- visiting, not returning home.</p>
<p>We need to look way back at ourselves when we happily left home for college. I certainly gave no thought to my parents. I never asked my mom how she felt then and she died some 30 years ago when I was still in my twenties and being educated so I’ll never know how she felt.</p>
<p>Ages and stages. Scary how life keeps marching on and you can’t stay in the time you enjoy. We all had kids to enjoy them and then need to let them go. For all of you new empty nesters it is important to develop a life without kids. The first years of college you are still pretty much tethered to their comings and goings so they may be physically gone but still an important part of your planning.</p>
<p>I wonder if it is the same parents who most miss their college kids that were the ones who most missed the preschool years. Or is it parents who developed a rapport with the more adult child? I was the parent who looked forward to being able to talk at an intellectual level with my kid (none of the preschool stuff) but he turned into the teen who ignored me, sigh. Made it easier to send him off to college. Independent since that first day of preschool. 'Nuff musings- still have a house to clean, even if far less often.</p>
<p>DS is now a freshman, and I had a very hard time all through his senior year just anticipating his departure. In fact, the anticipation (tears/worries/grief) was actually worse than when he left. In some ways I think the months before a kid’s departure are almost like a pregnancy - nine months to get ready for a big change! Like others have posted, we fell into a great routine as a couple and having DS home for an extended winter break was hard. Was also hard to miss him once again when he left. These are years of many mixed emotions, but we are doing our job when we are letting them go – and when we are giving ourselves new opportunities.</p>