missing your kid

Parents Forum
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<p>I am one of those parents that has loved every part of the journey for the most part. I am closests to my oldest dd becuase I had her to myself for a long time before the twins. It has been very hard on me even though I still have to care for elementary school kids. </p>

<p>I getting better but it is still hard for me. I have called her 4 times and visited once already and she been back a little over a week. I am sure this too will pass and I will emerge a better person.</p>

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<p>Both. Neither. And other things.</p>

<p>Mine are both out of college and working – with one living an hour away from us and one living on the other side of the country. I miss having frequent contact with the faraway one and I miss knowing about the details of both of their lives. </p>

<p>But even more, I miss the children they used to be and the role I used to play in their lives. I feel that raising them was the most meaningful thing I ever did or ever will do. I miss having something that meaningful in my life and being that important to someone (two someones, actually). And it was fascinating to watch them grow and develop. </p>

<p>On the other hand – I am discovering that it is a pleasure to no longer be responsible for the logistics of three people’s lives (my husband always handled his own, but somehow, I always ended up handling everyone else’s). </p>

<p>A few months ago, while my son was visiting us, he developed a health problem that made it unwise for him to drive (temporarily). He had a rental car at the time, and he needed to fly home the next day. Suddenly, the logistics were all mine: I had to get him to the doctor, the pharmacy, and the airport; get permission from the rental car company to drive his rental car even though my name was not on the contract; and rearrange my schedule so I could drop off the car. And somehow, all this involved staying up most of the night, even though I needed to work the next day.</p>

<p>It suddenly occurred to me that although this was a unique situation, it greatly resembled what life used to be like – with me having to be responsible for the complicated logistics of other people’s lives as well as my own – and that it’s been a long time since I had to do anything like that. I don’t miss that part.</p>

23

<p>The day our youngest moved into her dorm we brought home second stray cat from the animal rescue shelter. It was a good move. The biological kids are gaining independence as they should and the “cat kids” have made home a little less quiet and helped the parents adjust - which begs the question “who rescued who?”.</p>

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<p>I got a lump in my throat and teared up just a bit, but I didn’t cry for weeks or feel like anyone died. Of course, I still had D2 at home.</p>

<p>D2 leaves for college next fall, but will be staying in state. I think we’ll see her enough to keep from having any depression about it. I love my kids dearly, but between work, our pets, visits to our weekend place, and phone calls/texts/visits, I feel like we will have a pretty good balance in our lives. If my Ds are healthy and happy, I will feel that life is pretty wonderful and that we did what we were supposed to do: prepare our children for life outside of the nest.</p>

<p>I do admit that TV night won’t ever be the same without D2 :(</p>

25

<p>I got thrown into this very suddenly with an unanticipated decision to send both kids to boarding schools for 11th and 9th grades, respectively. It was such an amazing opportunity for the oldest (D) who went to Interlochen to study voice, that we got over our trepidation and just planned to go visit whenever we could (a long plane trip from Dallas to Michigan). WildChild’s school was only 3 hours away, and it was the best we could do for him at the time.<br>
I really missed the activities and daily interaction with other parents (even though I was a working parent). Interlochen had a great parent community, message board etc. WildChild’s school- not so much.</p>

<p>When we moved D into Rice she was being pretty much of a b&T@h that day and H and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough! It was a lot closer to home than Interlochen, so we weren’t worried about missing her. With WildChild we were just so thrilled that we got him through high school and to Penn without a stop in the state pen, that we didn’t worry about missing him. We knew we would be up in Philadelphia frequently.</p>

<p>I AM glad one of mine lives in our current city, though.</p>

26

<p>I know this is the college parents forum, but I lurk here for advice and information on the journey ahead. I am a boarding school parent whose only child left this past September at 14 to attend a school almost 3,000 miles from home. Missing him? You bet, but I’m surprised at the depth of that feeling. DH and I are in our mid-fifties and had twenty years together before DS came along unexpectedly. We’ve always looked forward to the time when we’d be a couple again, but we didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Our son has always been fiercely independent, but we didn’t expect him to take so readily to boarding school. He’s thriving and happy but, like us in college, doesn’t give his parents much thought. It didn’t really dawn on me until after he left that, for all intents and purposes, BS is just like college—he won’t be coming home again ever except for breaks between terms/school years. He considers himself “launched”, but I can’t say I’m really ready to accept that after only 14 years. Like other posters, I linger in his room and feel a deep sadness, much deeper than I had expected. However, I know that the sadness is only on my end. My child feels/knows none of this. He is happier than he’s ever been, so I try to balance my feelings of loss with knowing that he’s excited about his journey, and he’s getting a great education. It’s very hard not to be there to watch him grow up (it seems he’s become a young man in a very few months) or to be there for all the usual high-school experiences. So, we cheer him on from afar, hold him tight when he’s home, talk to him via e-mail and Skype, love him with care packages, wait for his calls, and adjust as best we can to our new life. If there is any upside, it’s that we’ve experienced the college separation early, so that transition should not be another adjustment.</p>

27

<p>I felt very sad and lonely when our only child started college last August. It took me a couple of weeks to actually begin to feel better. I became depressed last summer in anticipation of her leaving. I just took her back to college today after she was home for one whole glorious month. It was absolutely wonderful having her home again. Now it feels like August all over again! My heart aches and I feel like a dark cloud has descended. I guess it will get easier each time she leaves to go back to school after a break. I’m counting the days until spring break in March.</p>

<p>On a positive note, I don’t have to worry about her adjustment to college life as I did last fall. She blossomed during her first semester, received straight A’s, and made some good friends. I could tell that she was very happy to be heading back to school today. That is something to be thankful for.</p>

28

<p>“But even more, I miss the children they used to be and the role I used to play in their lives. I feel that raising them was the most meaningful thing I ever did or ever will do. I miss having something that meaningful in my life.” </p>

<p>^ That is exactly how I feel about it all. My DS is a sophomore, and I thought his comings and going this year would be easier than last, but it isn’t really that much easier. Now DD will leave in August so I’m feeling the roller coaster of feelings I had for S all over again. This is a much tougher phase of life than I ever anticipated.</p>

<p>The smartest thing I did for myself was to get a part-time job 3 years ago. It helped me ease back into the workforce and forced me to think about something else all day. If I were still home all day I can only imagine the pity parties I’d be throwing myself.</p>

29

<p>When DD headed off to college in the fall of 2009, I was happy for her because high school had been a pretty unhappy time. DS leaves in the fall after a pretty happy high school experience. And that boy makes me laugh. I will miss him. A lot.</p>

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<p>I dreaded the time when my D would leave for college, and had a bit of a hard time the last semester of her senior year. Then she got a boyfriend and had a lot of summer plans, so we didn’t see her very much the summer before she left for college anyway! </p>

<p>I took up a sport and lost 25 pounds. I’m cooking more healthy foods now, and that is more time-consuming. I went out of town with my husband and without my son for the first time! I’m also still very involved with my son and his college search. </p>

<p>I agree with the advice that it is very important to maintain your relationship with your spouse. Of course, that is always good advice–but particularly when you have such a major change in your life.</p>

<p>Now is your chance to do whatever it is that you really wish you could have done when you had children at home! What exciting thing will you do now?</p>

31

<p>My youngest is a college junior now and I still miss him and my older son. I felt very out of sorts and sad for a long time after my youngest started college. I think I mourned the loss of that phase of their lives almost more than them, if that makes sense.</p>

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<p>jojomg, the 2008 started by BusyMomof4 thread might be fun for you to read, too. My goodness. I was missed my daughter SO MUCH when she left after high school. I’m sure this was made worse by the fact that she left early for summer school that she did not want to go to/had not planned to go to, so she was not excited…
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/544135-help-oldest-daughter-going-off-college-we-need-support.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>p.s. It does pass!</p>

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<p>I’m realizing now that I will get over it little by little. When my DS left in the fall, it was tough. when he went back after winter break, I had another little cry. I figure this will happen each time, and hopefully the recovery is shorter and shorter each time.</p>

<p>It still feels weird to just have three of us at the dinner table each night, but the good news is that my H and I are starting to have more and more of times with just the two of us as my HS junior daughter is gone a lot also.</p>

34

<p>When my sister left for college (I’m 4 years younger than her), I was sad to the point of crying/tearing up about it, but I was dissuaded by the increased ‘silence’ in my house however I got over it in a week.</p>

35

<p>My D will graduate from college this spring and start her new job this fall. Of course I’m thrilled for her, BUT STILL - I miss her every day. I miss the child she was and the young woman she became. We had some bumpy times there in middle and high school, but we came out of the whole expereince a lot closer, and now I miss her as I would a daughter AND a close friend.</p>

<p>It was particularly awful when she first went off to school as a freshman, and it did get better. My husband and I took trips together, just the two of us, which was great; I already work(ed) full-time, I volunteered heavily at church, and then I went back to college part-time to get my teaching certificate. I spent more time with friends and when possible, took up new hobbies. I’m sorry, but none of these things really filled the daughter-sized hole!</p>

<p>Sorry to be a Debbie Downer here. It does get better, but it can be tough…</p>

36

<p>I’ve been doing this since 2001 X 3. I still tear up everytime one of them leaves. S1 went of to the Peace Corps and things just didn’t seem right for almost 2 1/2 years. Finally he’s back state side. He’s still not at ‘home’ but it feels much better.
Back in 2001, September 11, was S1’s FIRST time away from home on his birthday. He was in boarding school 1,500 miles away on that horrific day. Can’t describe the feeling.</p>

37

<p>After sending four kids to college and watching them come and go during breaks the reality has hit us that after this year we will probably never have one of our kids live with us again. Three have graduated, one lives thousands of miles away, another is in the city and will leave for grad school and another son is about to sign a lease for an apartment. The whole think makes me cry. I wish they were all little again.</p>

38

<p>When I took D down for move in, she was crying, and I felt terrible. Simply awful. Not excited, or happy – more like I’d been punched in the stomach.</p>

<p>The first time she Skyped, it was great - -like she’d come back home for an hour. After she signed off, I could pretend she was back in her room upstairs, studying.</p>

<p>I wish I’d had more time with her when she was little. More day time time. By the time I got home from work, none of us were at our best. I wish I’d had more time pushing her in a swing, at a park.</p>

39

<p>I barely miss my son because he texts, calls, and skypes a fair amount. However, I think it’ll be bad when he actually gets a job somewhere else and won’t be calling me up in the middle of the day.</p>